Jeff Rubin's Articles

7 total in October 2006

  • If Real Life Were More Like Cartoons



    Previously on If Real Life Were More Like Cartoons - Yogi Bear and Scrooge McDuck.
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  • The Chain Gang


    Believe it or not, there are some people who don't enjoy a fine chain restaurant experience. For these hoity-toity snobs, it would be easy to write off the Chili's location #172 as just another in a long line of soulless Tex-Mex eateries. However, the true aficionado will immediately see the difference between Chili's location #172 and Chili's locations #1- #171 and #173 - #983.

    Tucked away in the corner of a New Jersey strip mall, Chili's #172 is managed by Scott Daniels. Daniels is perhaps most well known as the upstart visionary who revived the seafood chain restaurant genre in New Jersey with his work at the Long John Silver's on Route 22. When that became a Hooters, Scott went on to assistant-manage a Fuddrucker's. It was well known that he wanted to manage again, and he was immediately named as a top contender when a job opened up at Chili's #172. After two weeks of intense speculation from the chain restaurant community, Daniels was named manager.

    All chain restaurants live and die by their appetizers. Like Pizzarea Uno, Chili's Boneless Buffalo Wings are actually chicken breasts tossed around in a wing sauce. Though delicious, the wings at #172 were a little less spicy than you would expect to find at a Chili's. After popping four or five, I had to check my waiter's ID badge to make sure I wasn't at a Ruby Tuesday's.
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  • CollegeHumor The Drinking Game

    Open up a picture. Any picture. Follow the instructions below. When you're done, click on the first random picture beneath it and start all over!

    I'll provide some links for those who prefer to freestyle.

    Take one drink:
  • For every person who is passed out.
  • For every brand of cheap beer you see.
  • If it's something you wouldn't do for $5,000.
  • If you, or anyone you're with, laughs out loud.

    • Take two drinks:
  • For every guy in the picture that isn't wearing a shirt for no discernible reason.
  • An adorable cat, or an adorable dog.
  • If there are Solo Cups.
  • For every commenter complaining that it's fake.
  • If there's a reference to a Will Ferrell movie.
  • If there's a pickup truck in the picture.
  • If you truly feel embarrassed for the people in the picture.
  • For every bad haircut.
  • If anything is illegal.
  • For every person who you think is over the age of 26.

    • Take three drinks:
  • For a reward. Go ahead and just take three drinks if you've read this far.
  • For girls making out.
  • For any spelling or grammatical errors you find in the caption
  • If it has more than 50 likes.
  • For any mention of Jesus.

    • Take four drinks for:
  • Every one drink an animal is taking.
  • If it has more than 100 likes.
  • If there's, like, over fifteen people in the picture (you don't have to count exactly).

    • CHUG:
  • If the picture has more than 150 likes.
  • Boobies
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  • Horror Movie Mixup

    Oh dear, there was a mix-up at the crappy horror movie factory. Now, nobody knows which remake/sequel goes with which tag line!

    Can you match the movie about dancing to it's tag line? Answers (as if they matter) after the keep reading.

    1.

    		.

    A.

    		Witness the birth of fear.

    2.

    B.

    		It never forgives, it never forgets.

    3.

    C.

    		 The lucky ones die first.

    4.

    D.

    		 What was once trapped, will now be unleashed.

    5.

    E.

    		 This ride will be the death of you.

    6.

    F.

    		 A new generation of terror.

    7.

    G.

    		 Some mysteries were never meant to be solved.

    8.

    H.

    		 Fear comes full circle.

    9.

    I.

    		 Katch 'em, kill 'em.

    10.

    J.

    		 Oh yes, there will be blood.

    11.

    		.

    K.

    		 Evil dials home.

    12.

    L.

    		There are some frequencies we were never meant to find.

    13.

    M.

    		 Prey. Slay. Display.

    14.

    N.

    		 Sometimes, rules are meant to be broken.

    15.

    O.

    		 Some sacrifices must be made.

    16.

    P.

    		 Enjoy your stay.



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  • If Real Life Were More Like Cartoons II



    Previously on If Real Life Were More Like Cartoons.
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  • If Real Life Were More Like Cartoons

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  • 50 Things You Can Call A Beer

    Pass me a...

    beer, draft, cold one, libation, brewskie, oat soda, cerveza, barley pop, puke fuel, boredom-be-gone, loudmouth soup, real man's Zima, Homer Juice, keg guts, beeeeeer!, pre-pee, weed's best friend, rocketsauce, mother, varsity Shirley Temple, time travel in a bottle, suds, soldier, Gutterade, barley legal, bitter batter, liquid bread, silly seltzer, brew dog, giggle water, liquid courage, pre-spiked punch, bubbly muscles, hard O'Douls, social lubricant, icanbeatithome, secret ingredient X, tummy buster, brain hammer, elbow benders, daddy's milk, redneck wine, 12 oz. curl, antidote, hello-goodbye, potent potable, chugger's delight, liquid wrecking ball, hops scotch, un-water.

    Did we miss any?
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    • Jeff Rubin Penn State

    About Me

    Jeff's likes - captioning CollegeHumor pictures, Parker Brother's Sorry! (preferably played with teams), pajama pants, Entenmann's Chocolate Chip Original Recipe Cookies, Arrested Development, when it suddenly starts to rain heavily on a Spring day.

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