Jeff Rubin's Articles
7 total in November 2007
Parents Just Don't Understand
Do your parents not understand technology? None of them do, they're all morons! People that dumb shouldn't be allowed to breed. It's tragic, really.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
-
My mom asked me what MP3's look like.
-Jessica L.
Your parents' photo shop -
My mom was trying to find a picture I had taken for her. She called me up to ask where it was. I told her to navigate to her desktop and look for it there. She said, "But I only have this laptop."
-Brendan M. - During class, we were doing student presentations using a new projector attached to a laptop on a cart. When the screen first turned on, it was partially on the wall and the ceiling. The professor just sat there and stared at it. After about two minutes of doing nothing, someone asked him if he was going to fix the projector so that it was completely on the wall. He responded with, "I thought that it would automatically adjust itself, I didn't know I had to do it manually."
- Jon from Toronto
- On spam emails about penis enhancment:
Grandma: Do you ever get e-mails?
Me: Yeah....
Grandma: What I mean is, do you ever get SEXY e-mails?
- Devin from Villanova
It's-a CH Video Games Weekly
My guest this week is Justin Ouellette, photographer and developer at CollegeHumor's sister site Vimeo.
TALKING POINT: Mario Galaxy was released less than a week ago, and
nearly everyone is already calling it a classic. Where does it fit into the
Mario pantheon?
Jeff: Besides abortion, no issue divides our nation quite like "which
is the best Mario?" It may be too soon to tell exactly where Galaxy falls,
but I'm thinking between above Mario 64 but below Mario World and Super
Mario Brothers 1 and 3.
Justin: Mario 64 seemed
great when it came out, but it's the only game in the series that has aged poorly.
Jeff: That's only because Nintendo made the ice world theme
The Macarena. Also, Mario 64 and Mario Sunshine focus on exploration.
It was great at the time when things like 3D and analog sticks were new, but Galaxy is
a return to old-school platforming. Every level has a clear beginning, end, and
obstacles in-between.
Justin: SMB 2 and Sunshine are the only two
Mario games that aren't directly referenced in Galaxy. There's even
a Luigi's Haunted Mansion level. I'll take this as a sign Nintendo agrees
they messed up.
Jeff: There's plenty of aural references to Mario's roots, like
the warp pipe noise and what feels like two dozen remixes of the underground "doo
doo doo doo doo doo" theme. The new compositions are great too. I want the orchestral
theme from Good Egg Galaxy to be played at my funeral, as my body is loaded into
a rocket ship and fired into the sky.
TALKING POINT: Mario Galaxy was released less than a week ago, and
nearly everyone is already calling it a classic. Where does it fit into the
Mario pantheon?
Jeff: Besides abortion, no issue divides our nation quite like "which
is the best Mario?" It may be too soon to tell exactly where Galaxy falls,
but I'm thinking between above Mario 64 but below Mario World and Super
Mario Brothers 1 and 3.
The levels in Mario Galaxy make world 4 of Mario
3 look like world 5 of Mario 1!
3 look like world 5 of Mario 1!
great when it came out, but it's the only game in the series that has aged poorly.
Jeff: That's only because Nintendo made the ice world theme
The Macarena. Also, Mario 64 and Mario Sunshine focus on exploration.
It was great at the time when things like 3D and analog sticks were new, but Galaxy is
a return to old-school platforming. Every level has a clear beginning, end, and
obstacles in-between.
Justin: SMB 2 and Sunshine are the only two
Mario games that aren't directly referenced in Galaxy. There's even
a Luigi's Haunted Mansion level. I'll take this as a sign Nintendo agrees
they messed up.
Jeff: There's plenty of aural references to Mario's roots, like
the warp pipe noise and what feels like two dozen remixes of the underground "doo
doo doo doo doo doo" theme. The new compositions are great too. I want the orchestral
theme from Good Egg Galaxy to be played at my funeral, as my body is loaded into
a rocket ship and fired into the sky.
Brought to you by
Parents Just Don't Understand
Do your parents not understand technology? None of them do, they're all morons! People that dumb shouldn't be allowed to breed. It's tragic, really.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
-
While my mother was looking over my shoulder an an AIM conversation:
Mom: "What does LMAO mean?"
Me: "It's an abbreviation"
Mom: "Let's Make An Omelette?"
-Chris F.
Your parents' viral video. -
When Gwen Stefani's song "Hollaback Girl" came on, my dad sang what he thought were the words while tapping his fingers and bobbing his head to the beat - "I ain't no Harlem black girl."
-Christine R. - My mom bought a Nintendo DS to play Brain Age. After it sat on her desk for about a month, I asked her why she hadn't opened it yet. She said she didn't have the time to install the software.
- Jon from Toronto
- My oldest brother is in the military and was just on deployment in Iraq for about a year. Using a phone at his base in Baghdad, routered through who knows what monitoring agencies, he would call home every month or so. My mother, being worried and feeling lonely that he had not called in a while, decided to hit 'call back' on the number stored on our caller ID. After some confusion on the other end of how an incoming call came in, my mom said she was trying to reach her son stationed in Iraq. The person responded, "Ma'am, you've reached the Pentagon." A day or so later my brother was scolded by his commanding officer for not keeping in better touch with his mom. Poor kid, fighting for his nation and his mother is still embarrassing him.
- Devin from Villanova
The Gnarly 90's
There was a time, before digital cameras, when taking a picture meant something. You were saying, "I've already spent money on film, I'm about to spend more money getting it developed, and I've gotta show the creepy guy at CVS what my life is like. That's how badly I want to remember this moment." But if we didn't stop to wind that film with our thumb, how would we remember moments like this:
To celebrate the release of 24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot, we're holding an embarrassing 90's picture contest called The Gnarly 90's. Call up mom, apologize for not calling not calling since September, and ask her to dig up those shameful pictures from your past. The person who sends in the 90's-est photo will receive $90 and the right to decide whether they are a winner or a loser for themselves.
To enter, just upload a picture and make sure you choose 'The Gnarly 90's' under contest. Remember to make it good, because we are only posting the worst of the worst.
Things we'll be looking for as we judge include....
To celebrate the release of 24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot, we're holding an embarrassing 90's picture contest called The Gnarly 90's. Call up mom, apologize for not calling not calling since September, and ask her to dig up those shameful pictures from your past. The person who sends in the 90's-est photo will receive $90 and the right to decide whether they are a winner or a loser for themselves.
To enter, just upload a picture and make sure you choose 'The Gnarly 90's' under contest. Remember to make it good, because we are only posting the worst of the worst.
Things we'll be looking for as we judge include....
CH Video Games Weekly: The Big Daddy
My guest this week is Nathan Sharratt. Nathan designed a Big Daddy costume so ridiculous, it broke through BioShock's relative obscurity and took second in our Halloween contest. I visited him at his apartment in Queens...
Parents Just Don't Understand
Do your parents not understand technology? None of them do, they're all morons! People that dumb shouldn't be allowed to breed. It's tragic, really.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, embarrass them and send it to parentsjustdontunderstand (at) gmail.com.
-
When I got a new cell phone, I called my mom to tell her. I mentioned it was a camera phone and she said "Really? Can you see me right now?"
-Deidre R.
Your parents' Victoria's Secret catalog -
Before my mom and I got in the car to drive to Toronto, she reassured me that her friend had emailed directions and we were ready to go. When we were on the road, she told me she needed to use my laptop because the directions were in my email. I asked how she intended to view her email in the middle of the highway and she responded, "I thought your laptop had the Internet on it."
-Jessica from Des Moines - I received the following email from my mother:
"Aunt Carolyn has sent me two e-mails with those adoable kities from one of thsoe intersenet groups that you showed me last summer. Can you sned her the link to the group with the kitties with bad gramamr and spelling almsot as bad as mine?"
- Katie - A few years ago my mom tried to call my brother and reached his voice mail. She left a 2-minute message calling out for him to pick up the phone, as if it was being played through his speaker phone.
-Shawn from Temple
- My parents still use AOL.
-Kai D.
CH Video Games Weekly: The Dorkiest Thing Ever
My guest for this week's A Winner Is You! is Will "backflip" DeGirolamo, executive editor of MEGATONik.com.
TALKING POINT: The recent Playstation 3 release Eye of Judgment comes with a camera, playing mat, camera stand, and a deck of Magic-the-Gathering-like cards. You set up your playing area, point the camera at the cards, and compete against online opponents. As you play, 3D graphics representing your cards act out your actions and duel on screen.
Is this the new dorkiest thing ever?
Is this the new dorkiest thing ever?
Jeff: This is great for people who have always wanted to try Magic: the Gathering, but were put off by all that icky human contact.
Will: It reminds me of the game R2D2 and Chewie play on the Milennium Falcon.
Jeff: There it is. Comparing Eye of Judgement to Star Wars is the dorkiest thing ever.
Will: Eye of Judgment might seem weird to some people, but the idea of playing card games online is probably here to stay.
Jeff: There's a new generation that grew up collecting Pokemon instead of lighting ants on fire and playing good old fashioned games, like StarFox.
Will: It looks like some sort of predecessor to Microsoft's Surface concept.
Jeff: It's like Minority Report, but with minotaurs and elven priests.
Will: And thankfully, less Tom Cruise.
Jeff: Eye of Judgment is for serious nerds only. It's a fantasy-fulfillment game with overly expensive peripherals. The worst part is you can waste an unlimited amount of money buying new packs of cards. It's ridiculous. Wake me at the end of the month when Rock Band is out and selling full albums.
Careful not to point the Eye of Judgment at yourself.
Jeff: There it is. Comparing Eye of Judgement to Star Wars is the dorkiest thing ever.
Will: Eye of Judgment might seem weird to some people, but the idea of playing card games online is probably here to stay.
Jeff: There's a new generation that grew up collecting Pokemon instead of lighting ants on fire and playing good old fashioned games, like StarFox.
Will: It looks like some sort of predecessor to Microsoft's Surface concept.
Jeff: It's like Minority Report, but with minotaurs and elven priests.
Will: And thankfully, less Tom Cruise.
Jeff: Eye of Judgment is for serious nerds only. It's a fantasy-fulfillment game with overly expensive peripherals. The worst part is you can waste an unlimited amount of money buying new packs of cards. It's ridiculous. Wake me at the end of the month when Rock Band is out and selling full albums.
Brought to you by
Jeff Rubin
Penn State
About Me
About Me
Jeff's likes - captioning CollegeHumor pictures, Parker Brother's Sorry! (preferably played with teams), pajama pants, Entenmann's Chocolate Chip Original Recipe Cookies, Arrested Development, when it suddenly starts to rain heavily on a Spring day.
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