Jeff Rubin's Articles
5 total in April 2007
CH Video Games Weekly
My guest this week is Kevin Cassidy, editor-in-chief of GoNintendo.com.
TALKING POINT: What game do you regret playing?
TALKING POINT: What game do you regret playing?
Jeff: I not only beat Final Fantasy VII, I also took over 10 hours to raise a golden Chocobo. You need a gold chocobo to get the most powerful attack in the game, as if that excuses it. I don't think I'll ever fully understand what I was thinking. It's not only my biggest regret in video games, it's my biggest regret ever. And I've fathered two abortions.
Kevin: I think I'd have to go Dance Dance Revolution. I pop in a buck, dance three songs, and feel like I am having a heart attack. I have to be wheeled away after I'm done. That's enough exercise for me for a month.
Jeff: At least any time wasted on Dance Dance can be written off as exercise. I spent TEN HOURS breeding and racing enchanted ostriches.
Kevin: I have a friend who is over 90 hours in Oblivion, and he hasn't done a damn thing. You're supposed to be closing gates and saving the world. He's collecting pussy-willows to make potions. Why fight enemies when you can make flower arrangements?
Jeff: Think about the other things I could have done with those 10 hours. I could have been beating a different video game!
Kevin: I regret the fact that I played Disney Princess for Gameboy. My cousin's kid was stuck at a part, and I had to help her through. Five hours later I had finished the game, and felt more like Princess Jasmine than ever before. At the time I thought that was a good thing.
Kevin: I think I'd have to go Dance Dance Revolution. I pop in a buck, dance three songs, and feel like I am having a heart attack. I have to be wheeled away after I'm done. That's enough exercise for me for a month.
Strange, this doesn't look like a waste of time.
Kevin: I have a friend who is over 90 hours in Oblivion, and he hasn't done a damn thing. You're supposed to be closing gates and saving the world. He's collecting pussy-willows to make potions. Why fight enemies when you can make flower arrangements?
Jeff: Think about the other things I could have done with those 10 hours. I could have been beating a different video game!
Kevin: I regret the fact that I played Disney Princess for Gameboy. My cousin's kid was stuck at a part, and I had to help her through. Five hours later I had finished the game, and felt more like Princess Jasmine than ever before. At the time I thought that was a good thing.
CH Video Games Weekly
My guest this week is Nicholas Gurewitch, creator of The Perry Bible Fellowship. Many of his comics draw their inspiration from video games, including Mario Too, Game Boy, and Punch Bout (which was drawn pixel by pixel).
TALKING POINT: If they made a live action Mega Man movie, who should play who?
TALKING POINT: If they made a live action Mega Man movie, who should play who?
Jeff: I think Kel (or Keenan, whichever the one on SNL is) would make a great Wood Man. A movie as epic as Mega Man needs comic relief. He could always complain about being scared, or how bad his weapon is. "Leaf shield! All I get is leaves and I don't even get a leaf gun?" The fans will scoff at a black Wood Man, but once the movie comes out they will understand my vision.
Nick: If that line was in the trailer, I'd probably avoid the film. That being said, Keenan (or Kel) is an interesting choice. A tree-themed boss like Wood Man would need to be old and dry though. Don't forget Wood Man's weakness: flame. Just imagine sweat dripping down Sir Anthony Hopkins' wrinkled brow. It also occurs to me that it'd be cool to invoke Hollywood's habit of giving British accents to the villains.
Jeff: Speaking of villainous brits, I can't see anyone for Dr. Wily besides Ian McKellen. Who should direct such an important movie? I'd love to see Tim Burton create Mega Man's world out of jagged edges, curls, and Johnny Depp.
Nick: I think Tarentino has a knack for presenting characters with quirks and special powers. The Brady-Bunch-style selection screen could even be retained for super fun character introductions. Orchestral adaptations of the game's music would push a Mega Man flick over into the "sublime" category.
Jeff: Usually I love Tarentino's soundtrack selections, but Mega Man's soundtrack is already good to go. Just mix the Mega Man II theme into surround sound and you've got an Oscar for sure.
Welcome to Wood Burger home of the Wood Burger can I take your order?
Jeff: Speaking of villainous brits, I can't see anyone for Dr. Wily besides Ian McKellen. Who should direct such an important movie? I'd love to see Tim Burton create Mega Man's world out of jagged edges, curls, and Johnny Depp.
Nick: I think Tarentino has a knack for presenting characters with quirks and special powers. The Brady-Bunch-style selection screen could even be retained for super fun character introductions. Orchestral adaptations of the game's music would push a Mega Man flick over into the "sublime" category.
Jeff: Usually I love Tarentino's soundtrack selections, but Mega Man's soundtrack is already good to go. Just mix the Mega Man II theme into surround sound and you've got an Oscar for sure.
CH Video Games Weekly
My guest this week is Dan Gurewitch, writer of such popular updates as The Subliminal Disney and many CH original movies including Where the F*ck is Carmen Sandiego and The Censored Sopranos.
TALKING POINT: If you could hang out with one videogame character, who would it be?
TALKING POINT: If you could hang out with one videogame character, who would it be?
Jeff: I've narrowed it down to two options, but I can't decide. It's either Thrilla, the surfer gorilla from T&C Surf Design, or Funky Kong the surfer gorilla from Donkey Kong Country. I'm afraid choosing one would hurt someone's feelings, and that would be totally bogus.
Dan: All due respect to Funky, my favorite Kong will always be Cranky.
Jeff: I love Cranky Kong. I really related to him. If I were in Donkey Kong world, my role would be complaining about everything too. "Another four foot spiked bee? Dont we have anything to eat around here besides bananas? No, I don't want a large banana either."
Dan: Personally, I'd like to spend some time with Wario. He’d be that friend you stop talking to after middle school, but then when you’re 26, you look back and go “I wonder what happened to Wario. Remember how he would eat literally anything for a dollar?”
Jeff: I'd love to go Wario Karting. He's probably sick of it, but I've got pretty good acceleration and I'd love to put it to the test against a pro. I mean, this is a guy who has raced against Yoshi, Princess - all the greats. If it were raining, I guess it would be pretty fun to play WarioWare.
Dan: Do you think if a video game character played their own game, they'd be good at it? In the case of Goombas, no, because they have no hands.
Jeff: If the nonsense cut scenes in WarioWare are any indication, Wario is bad at everything. I'm assuming that includes his own game.
Dan: Speaking of go-karts, I'd like to spend some time with Lakitu - if only to learn more about him. One minute he's trying to kill Mario, the next he's fishing him out of a lake. There's a moral ambiguity there that fascinates me.
Those sandals make Funky Kong look ridiculous.
Jeff: I love Cranky Kong. I really related to him. If I were in Donkey Kong world, my role would be complaining about everything too. "Another four foot spiked bee? Dont we have anything to eat around here besides bananas? No, I don't want a large banana either."
Dan: Personally, I'd like to spend some time with Wario. He’d be that friend you stop talking to after middle school, but then when you’re 26, you look back and go “I wonder what happened to Wario. Remember how he would eat literally anything for a dollar?”
Jeff: I'd love to go Wario Karting. He's probably sick of it, but I've got pretty good acceleration and I'd love to put it to the test against a pro. I mean, this is a guy who has raced against Yoshi, Princess - all the greats. If it were raining, I guess it would be pretty fun to play WarioWare.
Dan: Do you think if a video game character played their own game, they'd be good at it? In the case of Goombas, no, because they have no hands.
Jeff: If the nonsense cut scenes in WarioWare are any indication, Wario is bad at everything. I'm assuming that includes his own game.
Dan: Speaking of go-karts, I'd like to spend some time with Lakitu - if only to learn more about him. One minute he's trying to kill Mario, the next he's fishing him out of a lake. There's a moral ambiguity there that fascinates me.
August 7th, 1988 was the first time I got on stage at Stich’s Comedy Club in
I’ve been doing martial arts most of my life, longer than comedy, longer than anything. It was my whole life. One of the more positive aspects of martial arts is that it’s a vehicle for developing your human potential. You learn a lot about yourself in fighting. It translates through clarity. Learning martial arts early in life gives you a certain amount of clarity, a different way of looking things.
How does the fighting compare to going on stage?
Going on stage scares me more. The first time I didn’t think I was going to be that nervous. I had already fought a bunch of times in full contact tournaments where people were getting knocked out all the time, but it still wasn’t as scary as doing stand-up.
CH Video Games Weekly
My guest this week is Sam Reich, creator of Dutch West and director of many CollegeHumor's originals, including Rejected Wii Games and Street Fighter: The Later Years.
TALKING POINT: Last week, Rockstar Games pulled back the curtain and gave us our first look at Grand Theft Auto IV. Did it live up to the hype?
TALKING POINT: Last week, Rockstar Games pulled back the curtain and gave us our first look at Grand Theft Auto IV. Did it live up to the hype?
Sam: It was certainly a teaser and not a trailer. We learned that GTA 4 again takes place in Liberty City, but a more New York-ized version of it. People surely will say that a game like this is inappropriate in a post-9/11 world. Though the setting is present day, which rules out the option of flying a Dodo into the World Trade Center.
Jeff: You will, however, still be able to run over cops in a tank. New York's Mayor Bloomberg already made a statement that setting a game like GTA in New York is inappropriate.
Sam: Apparently Mayor Bloomberg only ever plays Bubble Bobble.
Jeff: It's so frustrating to me when movies and video games are judged on two different standards. Every year dozens of movies about killers and worse are filmed in New York. Does the interactivity of a game make it a different art form, or is Bloomberg being a pussy?
Sam: I think the fear is that playing a game in which you're a terrorist somehow encourages terrorism. Which makes sense. After playing Rampage all day, I promptly ate the Empire State Building.
Jeff: Even though the preview showed no gameplay, it definitely got the nerds wet. The last generation's Grand Theft Auto was a graphical achievement, but only because of the scope of the game. Close up shots of people and places looked awful. If the GTA IV itself looks as good as these movies, and Rockstar claims they were all in-game, it might do for the 360/PS3 what porno did for VCRs.
Look out virtual hookers, here comes this guy!.
Sam: Apparently Mayor Bloomberg only ever plays Bubble Bobble.
Jeff: It's so frustrating to me when movies and video games are judged on two different standards. Every year dozens of movies about killers and worse are filmed in New York. Does the interactivity of a game make it a different art form, or is Bloomberg being a pussy?
Sam: I think the fear is that playing a game in which you're a terrorist somehow encourages terrorism. Which makes sense. After playing Rampage all day, I promptly ate the Empire State Building.
Jeff: Even though the preview showed no gameplay, it definitely got the nerds wet. The last generation's Grand Theft Auto was a graphical achievement, but only because of the scope of the game. Close up shots of people and places looked awful. If the GTA IV itself looks as good as these movies, and Rockstar claims they were all in-game, it might do for the 360/PS3 what porno did for VCRs.
Jeff Rubin
Penn State
About Me
About Me
Jeff's likes - captioning CollegeHumor pictures, Parker Brother's Sorry! (preferably played with teams), pajama pants, Entenmann's Chocolate Chip Original Recipe Cookies, Arrested Development, when it suddenly starts to rain heavily on a Spring day.
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