Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!

I work at a Chipotle/ Qdoba/ Moe's burrito joint. One night a seemingly normal man ordered a chicken burrito to go. When it came time to pay he confidently attempted to pay for his meal with a VHS copy of "Fever Pitch"... The case was also missing.
-Sean, University of Cincinnati

I work editorial for a website, and I hate my job so much I purposely gorge myself during lunch and pack the fattest dips afterwords just so that I can have 30 minutes to take a dump and read the paper in peace.

-John, Miami U

I'm a male nurse, and I see untrimmed vaginas daily.
-Josh

I work for a veterinarian and last week I asked him to show me how for express a dog's anal glands (for those that are unfamiliar, dogs have anal glands similar to those of a skunk that can fill up and need draining every once in a while).  As he put on a glove and grabbed a wad of cotton, he told me to come around back and look as he squeezed the sides of the anus.  Well I guess he squeezed a little too hard because they shot out like a squirt gun and hit both of us; him on the arm and me on me face, neck, and chest.  He couldn't stop laughing.
-Jeff, Quinnipiac

I know this sounds cliche, but college really is a new beginning, a clean slate to start fresh despite your not so desirable high school past. This rings especially true if you were a loser in high school. Not sure if you were a loser? Do any of these apply to you: In Band (not to be confused with in a band, totally different), choir, drama, math team, computer club, astronomy club, any club that required you to collect and store bugs in your room, or male badminton? If so, I've got the perfect news for you - you're going to college, so now is the time to make up an entirely new personality. Here are some possible personas that you should seriously consider adopting.

Tough Guy - Were you a dweeb in high school who was constantly pushed around? Well here's the one for you. The key to this one is that anyone can be tough, no matter what size you are. Actually in some cases, the smaller the better. This is a nice one if you're a little guy and are sick of getting picked on. Go to your first party, walk in, find the biggest douche there and punch him square in the face. Now don't get scared, but the next thing you do will hurt tremendously, but it'll be worth it and hurt a lot less than him gouging your eyes out. Take a lit cigarette from someone standing near you and put it out on your arm, while staring in the guy's face, without flinching. Once your done everyone will cheer uncontrollably and the head cheerleader will give you a blowjob in front of everyone. I swear.