Take a Drink

• Every time The Shield goes to commercial break

Chug a beer

• if you solve the murder before the detectives
  

Go to bed early

• If it's a re-run

Changing Party Affiliations?

George Carlin died of heart failure yesterday at 71.  Nothing we can say here will do more to highlight Carlin's massive contribution to comedy than showing one of his classic bits. Please enjoy his 'Seven Dirty Words' routine and realize what a large hole Carlin's death leaves in the world of comedy.

Click to Play

When Walk Hard asked the editorial staff to write a sponsored article, my first instinct was 'oh yeah, Walk Hard. That movie was actually pretty good - it didn't suck like I thought it would!' And behold! This article was born. Not a bad list, if I do say so myself.

Galaxy Quest By the time Galaxy Quest hit theaters, Tim Allen was synonymous with a string of sub-standard zany comedies like Jungle 2 Jungle and The Santa Clause, parlayed from the success of Home Improvement. I therefore met the arrival of a new film from the dude who turned grunting into a legitimate form of comedy with dread. But instead of the 90 minutes of gross-out extraterrestrial slime jokes I expected from this sci-fi film, Galaxy Quest turned out to be one of the most clever big-budget comedies since the Ghostbusters franchise. In retrospect, I'm ashamed I ever doubted any film that pairs Sam Rockwell and Alan Rickman. Then sends them to space.

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star "I've seen some terrible comedies and this ain't one of them!" -- Winston Churchill. And I couldn't agree more! David Spade is genuinely funny and the movie seems slightly improvised so there are some legit laughs throughout. Plus, the entire film is peppered with random cameos of has-been celebrities which give it just that extra push it needs to go from watchable to enjoyable. I give it 35 stars! (out of 45 of course.)

By now we've all seen the video of a U.S. Marine throwing a puppy off a cliff. Or at least heard about it. Or maybe just accidentally pictured it one time on an acid trip. Whatever the case may be, it has sparked a general consensus of outrage towards the Marine. In fact, it seems to be one of the most unifying issues on the web right now: that guy is a jerk.

I thought as a counterpoint, it would be poignant to point out a few facts.

1.) You may have noticed there are only 2 or 3 people in the video. That is because the puppy killed the rest of the platoon.

2.) Prior to being picked up by the scruff of the neck, the puppy was muttering anti-Semitic remarks.

3.) The puppy was an insurgent.

4.) The puppy was a Jihad Terrier. A rare Middle Eastern breed, bred to hate baseball and big tits.

Given these facts, I think we should all pause and consider how we should feel towards the Marine in question. Soulless Jerk or American Hero? You decide.