Dear Journal,
I've been off the road for three weeks now and I'm getting a little antsy. This week I went to Applebee's in Times Square to remind me of what it's like on the road. I have a great allegiance to chain restaurants, and I know that's not the cool stance, but in my travels I've found that the greasy spoons of this country often have greasy spoons.

Dear Journal,
Last week my friend Shelly had a children's themed karate and pizza birthday party, and it was amazing- EXCEPT they cut the pizza slices in half like when you were a kid. Even as a kid I did not fall for this. I was like, "Yeah, I want the regular human being-sized slice, not this cocktail party appetizer version. Why don't you get your cheap ass back in the station wagon, Mrs. Hargrove, and pick up a decent amount of pizza?"
Pizza Math = Hard
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Mike is one of the hottest comedians in America today. He likes bears and pizza. You can find out more about him on his website.