Alfred Fielding stands proudly in front of a crowd. On a table next to him rests his latest invention, hidden by a sheet. The crowd talks excitedly amongst themselves, each predicting what the invention will be. The year is 1957.

Larry: I bet it's some sort of wireless phone. One that fits in your pocket.

Ralph: No way, that's impossible. I think its a computer you can fold in half.

Mortimer: What! You guys are both crazy. I think it's a half dog half dragon.

Ralph and Larry: Definitely.

Alfred: Friends! Thank you for coming to my big reveal. I have been working on this particular invention my entire life, and I predict that it will revolutionize the world.

Mortimer: It's totally a half dog half dragon.

Alfred: Some of you may be wondering if my invention is a dog/dragon hybrid.

Mortimer: See?

Alfred: It's not.

Mortimer: Maybe he's playing coy.

Alfred: I'm not playing coy, there is no half dog half dragon on this stage.

Mortimer: Damn.

Alfred: Without further ado, are you ready? Are you ready to see my invention?

The crowd cheers wildly.

So remember a couple weeks ago when I was all wtf about how sex with Verne Troyer worked? Well somebody up there loves me, because my prayers for explanation have been answered. Mini Me's girlfriend lays it all on the table in an interview that gives new meaning to the term 'overshare'. Can words be NSFW? If so, consider yourself warned. (DListed)

Done puking? Let's move on!

Great news, guys - not only did Megan Fox dump her boyfriend, but screenshots from her new movie reveal one of those 'inexplicably bra-less hard wet nipple' scenes! Hooray! Move over Kirsten Dunst in that scene from Spiderman, there's a new set of inexplicably bra-less hard wet nipples in town. (Hollywood Tuna, WWTDD)

Speaking of Spiderman, the man himself Tobey Maguire went ballistic on a bunch of paparazzi this week who were blinding him with flashes as he tried to drive. I for one am totally impressed. Is it possible that Tobey Maguire is actually the real superhero, and Spiderman is just his plain clothes identity? Or did I just BLOW your MIND?! (DListed)

Bikini pictures from Eva Longoria's most recent sunbathing excursion have started a series of pregnancy rumors. Also started: a series of she was just stretching rumors. Not sure which camp is right, but damn do they both have solid arguments. (Egotastic)

It's summertime! Time for lazy afternoons by the pool, awkward reunions with high school friends, parents desperately trying to reinstate curfews, and best of all, your complete and utter failure at correctly applying sunscreen. That's right, time for the CollegeHumor Worst Sunburn Contest.  The sun hates us all, and we want to see just how much it hates you. Send us your worst, most irregular, most painfully blistering sunburns of the summer, and you could win $50, $100 or even $150. We'll accept submissions through August 22nd, so try and make the most of your inability to put on jeans and enter now!