Sarah Schneider's Articles
7 total in February 2007
The Dell Guy Meets Justin Long
Dell guy: Hey! Hey, you’re Justin Long!
Justin Long: Do I know you?
Dell guy: Yeah dude, it’s me! The Dell guy!
Justin Long: I’m sorry I….
Dell guy: Come on, man. “Dude, you’re getting a Dell!”?
Justin Long: Yeah I…I guess I vaguely remember you.
Dell guy: You better, man! You’re kind of like the new me! But for Apple!
Justin Long: Listen I gotta go, I’m filming DieHard 4 today.
Dell guy: Oh dude, that’s awesome! Being a computer spokesperson is like the
Justin Long: Actually I was already in a couple movies beforehand, so.
Dell guy: I mean, same difference, right man?
Justin Long: Not really…
Dell guy: DUDE, how sweet are the discounts? I got like 20% off my Dell.
Justin Long: That’s…really great.
The 2007 Jesties
Happy weekend, everybody! Sorry for the two week absence of Celebrity Now, but it's because we’ve been preparing for something very special this week. In honor of the Oscars, which are on Sunday, we decided to do our own, web-based award ceremony: The Jesties. We’ve nominated the three best web videos in each category, but the winners are up to you guys. All the nominees are embedded here to help refresh your memory. Click on the image below to vote.
The 2007 Jesties
What Your Email Extension Says About You
 gmail.com | You are internet saavy, and approximately 50% of your inbox consists of Apple updates. BTW, can someone invite me already? This is getting ridiculous, seriously you guys. |
 hotmail.com | You signed up for your first email account in middle school and haven't bothered changing your address since. The precursor to your extension includes either a really old hobby, a 'cool' spelling of a popular word or both (I'm looking at you, pog_gurl22). |
 aol.com | AOL sent you 12,000 free CDs in 6th grade and you signed up out of guilt. In related news, you're still using free 120 hour accounts on dialup. You also need to sign off soon, your mom really needs to use the phone. It's IMPORTANT. |
 yahoo.com | You were really really up to date ten years ago. Then you went and had a bunch of stupid babies. You still think you're up to date, but your high-waisted, tapered jeans tell another story. And that story is really uncomfortable looking. |
 bangbus.com | You watch so much porn that your favorite site created a custom email account for you. Not surprisingly, the majority of emails in your inbox are from your bff xxxCIALISxxx. |
 prodigy.net | You have not paid attention since the early 1990s. |
 mac.com | You have thick-framed glasses, and a blog where you talk about your thick-framed glasses. |
 netscape.net | One of your grandchildren had to explain how email works to you. You're not entirely sure what a computer is, but you know that it helps you 'stay hip.' Also, your dentures just fell out. You should probably stick those back in. |
Ten Things I Learned From the Grammy's
1. The Grammy's are boring.
2. Tony Bennett is still alive.
3. CBS has no shame promoting their own shows (David Spade presenting a Grammy? Really?) For the record, we would never do that.
4. Red spandex pant suits are BACK.
5. If you want to win Song of the Year, all you have to do is insult the president, make a public apology, and then say 'SIKE!' through a heartfelt ballad.
6. The only part of 'Roxanne' anybody knows is the chorus.
7. Smokey Robinson, I'm 96% sure, has been possessed by the devil.
8. If Al Gore had done half the stuff he's doing now during the actual presidential race, he would have won.
9. The Grammy's might, JUST MIGHT, have been sponsored by Chevy.
10. Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkley could fit my entire head in his mouth.
2. Tony Bennett is still alive.
3. CBS has no shame promoting their own shows (David Spade presenting a Grammy? Really?) For the record, we would never do that.
4. Red spandex pant suits are BACK.
5. If you want to win Song of the Year, all you have to do is insult the president, make a public apology, and then say 'SIKE!' through a heartfelt ballad.
6. The only part of 'Roxanne' anybody knows is the chorus.
7. Smokey Robinson, I'm 96% sure, has been possessed by the devil.
8. If Al Gore had done half the stuff he's doing now during the actual presidential race, he would have won.
9. The Grammy's might, JUST MIGHT, have been sponsored by Chevy.
10. Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkley could fit my entire head in his mouth.
How to Make the Universe Explode
Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid
Ok you guys, I get it. You only want to read about this stuff in order to try and impress girls. Well this week I’ve decided to make it even easier for you. Just memorize one of the following lines and chances are you’ll be balls deep within the hour.
“Hey, did you hear that the sex scene in Sienna Miller’s new movie might actually be real? Like, they’re actually having sex on camera. Crazy, right? Yeah I know. Speaking of two people having sex, ya down?”
(Source: WWTDD)
(Source: Egotastic!)
“Hey, did you hear that the sex scene in Sienna Miller’s new movie might actually be real? Like, they’re actually having sex on camera. Crazy, right? Yeah I know. Speaking of two people having sex, ya down?”
(Source: WWTDD)
(Source: Egotastic!)
View profile
Send a messageCalendar
- 2008 September 2 Articles
- 2008 August 5 Articles
- 2008 July 5 Articles
- 2008 June 6 Articles
- 2008 May 4 Articles
- 2008 April 2 Articles
- 2008 March 3 Articles
- 2008 February 4 Articles
- 2008 January 1 Articles
- 2007 December 1 Articles
- 2007 September 1 Articles
- 2007 August 2 Articles
- 2007 April 1 Articles
- 2007 March 6 Articles
- 2007 February 7 Articles
- 2007 January 4 Articles
- 2006 December 4 Articles
- 2006 November 4 Articles
- 2006 October 9 Articles
- 2006 September 4 Articles
- 2006 January 1 Articles
- 2005 August 1 Articles
