1 - Ok well I'm hungry, but dinner isn't for a couple hours. Sooo I guess I'll eat some Doritos to pass the time?  I'll just have a couple.  I don't really even like them that much.

2 - Dammmn these are good.  I should stop now so I don't ruin my appetite.  (Closes bag.  Looks at bag.  Reopens bag.) Ok, just a few more, these are really freaking good.  Look!  LOOK my fingers are orange!  If that's not a reason to keep eating, I don't know WHAT is.

3 - Holy sh*t, I already ate half the bag?  I wasn't even paying attention, I was just sitting on the couch watching reruns of Full House.  Oh NICE, this is the one where Joey takes Stephanie to a mother-daughter sleepover...

4 - ...and I can't beLIEVE he didn't drop that egg while wearing high heels.  Wait, wait, WAIT.  What the hell.  Did I seriously just eat this many chips?  There are only like 20 left! (Pause.  Frowns.) I mean, they ARE pretty good.  I guess since I've made it this far, a few more won't hurt, right?

5 - Ok ok ok ok ok ok.  Ok.  I'm so full. (Looks down into bag.)  There are literally 6 chips left.  Oh man, I can count them just by looking, that's how few there are.  If I close the bag now, I'll just be annoyed with the lack of chips when I open it later.  And I don't want to waste any food.  Just, come on.  Come on.  Finish it.

6 - K.  Dinner time?

Credits go to Dan Gurewitch and Jordan Hall for the joke, and to Streeter Seidell, for refusing to put it on the front page.

Happy Friday, everybody!  Week two of our Guest Editors bring us PhilipG from NinjaDude.com.  Now you two run along, and play nice, ya hear?

Welcome to Friday folks, my name is PhilipG and I run NinjaDude.com...come with me as I deliver the weekly celebrity dirt.

At the top of our list is definitely Britney Spears leaving Promises rehab center 8 days before the normal 30-day requirement for a "successful stint" in rehab.  It seems her rehab visit brought near closure to the battle with K-Fed over the custody of their kids, plus his monetary compensation. If you heard that he's getting some ridiculous amount of cash, think again - he'll barely clear a couple million after their Malibu mansion sells. Tough luck, dog!
(source: Derek Hail, Hollywood OTB)

Happy Friday, everybody!  This week, please welcome CollegeHumor Guest Editor Phil as he takes us through this week’s top stories from a dude’s perspec.

Okay, first things first. This column is called "Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid."  However, taking dating advice from a guy who sits in his apartment all day writing about celebrities and watching Star Trek (it's either that or CNN) probably isn’t the best thing you can do.  But trust me, if a girl needs a little conversation to prove you're not a complete psycho before taking you home, celebrity gossip is just about the quickest way to get her attention. Or so I've been told.

Happy Friday, everybody!  And by everybody, I mean everybody lame enough to be sitting in their hotel lobby checking CollegeHumor during Spring Break.  What are you DOING?  You don’t need tips this week, every girl in Cancun is looking to do something they will regret almost immediately.  So go find the one with the brand new butterfly tattoo on her forehead and enjoy.

For the rest of you, here are some updates from Hollywood this weekend that are ALMOST as fun as going on Spring Break.

For instance, Britney Spears! Apparently this week she wrote 666 on her head, ran around her rehab center yelling “I am the Antichrist,” and then tried to commit suicide. Does anyone else feel like they are living in a completely different universe here?  Next week we’re going to find out that Paris Hilton is a virgin and Elton John is straight. (Source: Egotastic)

Sarah cleans herself with LOLs.  Do you?

Lots of people know about the CollegeHumor Guide to College but don't exactly know what it is. Since it was just released in paperback for the first time ever (and available now for like twelve bucks on Amazon) we figured now is as good a time as ever to explain our book.

The CollegeHumor Guide to College is a collection of funny articles (like the ones we feature every day on the site) all compiled into one 350 page book. The articles follow a chronological order, so the first chapter offers advice on finishing high school, then moving in, food, laundry, health, dorm life, academics, athletics, sex, dating, dealing with your life back at home, etc. It's got tips and pointers on practically everything.

The book was written entirely by CollegeHumor writers -- the very same ones you read on the site.  Streeter, Jeff, Amir, Ethan, Ricky, and myself spent a lot of time coming up with great articles that are both practical (the failsafe trick to extend any paper deadline) as well as absurd (how to break your own legs).

It's funny, it's useful and starting now, it's CHEAP AS HELL.

We just released the paperback version today.  It's less than 12 bucks when you order on Amazon, but it's also available in any bookstore. So check it out.  You WON'T regret it.

Oh, and if you hate reading, there's lots of pretty pictures you can giggle at and touch.