Sarah Schneider's Articles

4 total in July 2009

Advertisers Cut The Bullsh*t
by Sarah Schneider July 31, 2009

Ever wish you lived in a world where advertisers just got to the point? Wellwish no longer! Roll over for the bullsh*t-less versions of these ads.

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Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 24

by Sarah Schneider July 24, 2009

Give yourselves a pat on the back, friends. Because today, we are all officially as successful as Stephen Baldwin. (Celebslam)

To us!

This week, Jude Law made headlines after he punched a female paparazzi in the back of the head. Apparently Urban Dictionary was loading too slowly, so he only got half of the instructions. (WWTDD)

The Jackson family is determined to sue this week, after deciding that someone must take responsibility for Michael's death. Since it's clearly not Michael's fault that he was self-medicating. (WWTDD)

After Entourage took a dig at Seth Rogen this week, the actor responded, saying he never had and never would watch the show. Then Jason Segel made him breakfast so Jonah Hill could drive him to a meeting Judd Apatow set up for him. (WWTDD)

The star of Burn Notice was arrested this week after driving drunk straight into a police car. He then resisted arrest by running directly into a nearby jail. You crazy famous people! (Celebslam)
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Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 17

by Sarah Schneider July 17, 2009

This week's column is dedicated to Hollywood's top investigative journalists, who aren't afraid to tackle the big issues and bring us the news. For instance, this young man. (Celebslam)

The big story this week was US Weekly's release of never before seen footage of Michael Jackson's hair catching fire during a Pepsi shoot in 1984. They claim this incident, and therefore Pepsi, is what eventually killed MJ. I mean, duh! Do you even know how much sugar is in that stuff? Gross! (Celebslam)

Some Playboy Playmate posed for pictures in a lettuce bikini (?) or something this week but who cares, what I find hilarious is the 'RESPECT' tattoo right above her vagina. You're doing it wrong! (WWTDD)

Did you guys watch Pushing Diasies? No? Oh. Did you see Land of the Lost? No? Hmm. Well then I guess no wonder the star of both posed topless for Vanity Fair this week. (IDLYITW)

Surprise surprise, the new Harry Potter movie made bank this week. Audiences were 99% crazy tween fans and 1% creepy dudes hoping to see more of this. 99% of moviegoers were not disappointed. (WWTDD, Egotastic)
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Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 10

by Sarah Schneider July 10, 2009

Intros are lame. Let's do this!

This week, Hayden Panettiere admitted that the Italian tattoo on her back is spelled wrong. See Mom? Celebrities get drunk and get tattoos at the Jersey shore too. (Celebslam)

Megan Fox had the audacity this week to call Transformers 2 'not a movie about acting.' Michael Bay shot back, saying 'nobody...knew about Megan until I...put her in Transformers'. Then they both went home and cried themselves to sleep on huge piles of money. (IDLYITW)

Mary Louise Parker did a photoshoot for Esquire this week, and oh how embarrassing, she forgot to wear PANTIES! She is going to FLIP OUT, you guys. What a career killer!!! (Popoholic)

Julianne Moore hit the beach this week, presumably to refresh her supply of fresh human blood. (WWTDD)

This week, Kelly Osbourne called Lady Gaga a 'butterface,' marking the beginning of what I can only assume will be a battle of wits like this world has never seen. (Celebslam)

A female scientist named Jennifer Sunday filed a lawsuit against Lindsay Lohan this week, claiming that the starlet stole Sunday's tanning formula to create her line of tanners. Unrelated, Lohan's entire Netflix queue is 'The Saint'. (IDLYITW)
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Sarah Schneider's Articles

Advertisers Cut The Bullsh*t

Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 24

Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 17

Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: July 10

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