Sarah Schneider's Articles

5 total in August 2009

Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: August 28

by Sarah Schneider August 28, 2009

I can't believe summer's almost over! Let's be best friends forever, k?

Rumors hit this week that Christopher Nolan has cast Megan Fox as Catwoman in the next Batman movie, despite the fact that no script exists yet. But hey, an internet can dream, can't they? Dream so obnoxiously that Christopher Nolan is forced to make it a reality. (IDLYITW)

Chris Brown was finally sentenced this week for brutally beating up Rihanna back in February, and at last, justice has been served. In the form of mildly inconvenient community service. That'll show him! (IDLYITW)

But wait, there's more. Turns out Chris Brown was involved in two other incidents even before this one. Looks like a history of violence to me, and not the blockbuster starring Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris. I wish Ed Harris was involved. (WWTDD)

Helena Bonham Carter hit the beach this week, and first I was going to comment on the obvious, but damn, look how fat her kid is! She looks like she should be in liederhosen gnawing on a bratwurst! Fat kids, hehehe! Also, gross. (WWTDD)

Remember the story last week about that reality show stripper murderer? Well, great news for humanity, he hung himself in a motel room this week. Yikes! VH1, looks like you may have to ramp up your screening process. Or just set one up period. (WWTDD)
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Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: August 21

by Sarah Schneider August 21, 2009

Alyssa Milano is married and Marky Mark almost died?? Early 90s You is having the worst week ever! (Popoholic, Celebslam)

As IF.

The cast of the new season of Dancing With The Stars was announced this week, and is it just me, or are they getting closer and closer to actual stars? I mean, Entourage's Debi Mazar? Hall-of-Famer Michael Irvin? Macy Gray? Oh okay, thank god. (DListed)

A 'sex tape' featuring Eric Dane, Rebecca Gayheart and Kari Ann Peniche leaked to the internet this week, except it's not really a sex tape, it's more of a three-naked-people-hanging-out-and-talking tape. Lame. If I wanted to see that, I'd go find a sauna. (Egotastic)

This week, Brad Pitt told Bill Maher that he stopped smoking weed when he became a father. OR DID HE!? A few days later on The Howard Stern Show, Quentin Tarantino revealed that they had smoked together a year ago, around the time his fifth and sixth kids were born. Coincidence?? I think pot. (Celebslam, DListed)

This week, Kanye finally lived up to his self-proclaimed grandeur. Well, he didn't personally, but his girlfriend Amber Rose did, by prancing around topless. The string bikini bottom is really just a formality at this point. How proper! (Hollywood Tuna)
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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
by Sarah Schneider August 11, 2009

College is starting soon, which means that you and your high school girlfriend have some big decisions to make. Most notably, whether or not you should break up. Use this helpful flow-chart to determine your fate.
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Celebrity Now

Pop Culture CliffsNotes: Aug 7

by Sarah Schneider August 07, 2009

So how's everybody holding up? After Tuesday's internet ban of Megan Fox, I was worried about a few of you. Mostly, Megan Fox's publicist and no one else, because no one even noticed. (Popoholic)

And now, Megan Foxes for everyone!

Jennifer Love Hewitt was on vacation this week, and decided to ignore the most basic rules of sports by playing both tennis and basketball in a bikini and huge heels. You know, like they do in porns! How adorable. (Egotastic, Derekhail)

Oh man, this is great. Some woman named 'Sara' (no relation) is claiming that Dr. Phil inappropriately touched her in 1984 when she was a patient. So many rich emotionally f*cked up layers! It's like a hilarious onion. (WWTDD)

The producers of Jessica Simpson's new reality show are not happy this week, after learning that her stylists cost $25,000 per episode. $25k!? She should just start paying them in cars. Ooo, I like this eye shadow. That's one car for you, do it smoky and I'll make it two. Two cars. (IDLYITW)

Another set of Vanessa Hudgens' naked phone pictures leaked this week, but hey, at least her technique is improving! Even Disney can appreciate that. Right? *cut to Walt furiously masturbating* Right. (IDLYITW)
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Consumer Corner
by Sarah Schneider August 06, 2009

This week on Consumer Corner, I'm giving the big-wigs at Poland Spring, Kraft Foods and General Mills a piece of my mind. Agree with me? Click on the image for a printable PDF and send a letter of your own. Because everyone knows the quickest way to get something done is by being irritatingly repetitive.

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