Paul Scheer's Articles

2 total in June 2007
  • Dear Bruce Willis,

    What the hell, man? Do I look like assh*le? Because you keep wiping me to the side every chance you get. I mean C'MON! I can't believe you made another "Die Hard" movie without ME...Sgt. Al F-ing Powell. Need I remind you that I was the glue that held the 1st Die Hard movie together. People related to MY story. Need I remind you that without me you'd be just another dead d-bag. Remember, I'm the one who shot Karl. Me. I'm the hero of Die Hard. Not you.

    Granted, I was pissed when I read Die Hard 2 and I only had a cameo role. I remember coming over your house and trying to stab you with a pocket knife. But when I went to plunge the knife into your chest you easily diarmed me and I just broke down crying. You and Demi made me mint tea and you had your driver send me home. That was nice and I'm sorry about that. I mean how many times do I have to apologize for attempting to kill you.




  • This makes me laugh every time I look at it. I love how "Chad" is so non-plussed and oddly  resigned that the only thing he can do is send out an mass email to his friends about his  "crazy"situation.

    Personally I picture Chad living in a world where his roomate is constantly masturbating all around their apartment and it's like bad 80's sitcom like "Perfect Strangers" called, "Playing  with each Other."  The opening credits would be all about their crazy living situation as Chad  tries to go about his normal life with his "crazy" roommate. You'd see him trying to find a box of cereal and then he turns around to to see his roommate using the cereal box to masturbate (shot tastefully of course) and he just shrugs and laughs while synthesized upbeat music plays. The closing credit shot would be late night in their apartment Chad is watching TV and sitting next to him is his roommate furiously masturbating, he looks over smiles then lifts the remote and clicks it and the screen goes to black, just like he's shutting off your TV. In my world this show is canceled  right after the opening credits.



Paul Scheer
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Paul was introduced to the world simply as "Usher," and released his...

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