Jake Hurwitz's Articles

3 total in April 2009

  • Winner!

    by Jake Hurwitz April 21, 2009

    Congratulations to Laurel from the University of Delaware. it's official. You are America's Hottest College Girl. Now, all you have to do is come over to my studio apartment to collect your prize! I have the best DVD collection, BTW, if you wanna watch one.
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  • The CollegeHumor Show The Canada Years

    by Jake Hurwitz April 07, 2009
    Hey, some good news and bad news for our Canadian fans. The good news? The CollegeHumor show is going to start airing on Canadian television (on MuchMusic) on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 6 and 9PM starting on April 14th. The bad news? You live in Canada.

    So watch our show, Canadians! Catch up on all those inside jokes you missed. And to our American fans- watch out, Canada just got slightly cooler. We don't want them to keep this up.

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  • Aragorn Goes to My High School

    by Jake Hurwitz April 03, 2009
    Auta miqula orqu.
    Teacher: So who can tell me when the war of 1812 ended?
    Jake: Um, was it 1-
    Aragorn: I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the White City fall, nor our people fail.
    Jake: I was gonna say-
    Teacher: Let Aragorn finish.
    Jake: But he obviously doesn't know the answer...
    Aragorn: Be at peace, Son of Gondor.
    Teacher: Aragorn you get to be Valedictorian!

    ................................

    Jake: Hey, Jessica... Um. Hi. I was wondering if. Do you wanna go to the prom with-
    Aragorn: Lady Jessica. When we first met, I thought I had wandered into a dream.
    Jessica: Oh... Aragorn.
    Aragorn: Bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people.  And let me escort you to the Junior Prom.
    Jessica: I'm going to french you on the tongue.
    Jake: What did he say about binding?
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Jake Hurwitz Hunter College

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