Simply roll your mouse over what Lassie's barking about to reveal its true meaning!

How much you love your friends
Intensity of arguments over shotgun rules
Bladder pressure
Hilarity of mooning
Number of friends willing to play Mad Libs with you
Time remaining until friends discover your secret "Road Diary" 
Mockery

INT SCHOOL HALLWAY.  Kyle is at his locker, wearing a varsity lacrosse jacket. His girlfriend, Becky, the hottest girl in school, stands next to him, standoffishly.

Kyle: So, about prom. Do you want to go in the limo with the guys, or do you want me to borrow my mom's Benz?

Becky: Listen, Kyle. We have to talk. I'm gonna go with Connor.

Kyle: Connor? That scrawny guy in your Woodworking class?

Becky: Yup, he's the one. He appreciates my sense of humor and remember that time you said you were going to come see my play and you didn't?

Kyle: I know, I had to pick up my grandmother from-

Becky: Well, he came. And brought me a bouquet of flowers carved out of wood.

Kyle: I thought you hated lame stuff like that.

Becky: I do. But I appreciated the effort.

Kyle: I mean, I can make you some flowers if you want.

Becky: It's too late. I love Connor now, and we're going to stay together when we go off to separate colleges.

Kyle: You LOVE him!? But you just-

Connor: Hey Becky.

Becky: Hey Connor!

Becky kisses Connor in front of Kyle. Kyle turns to leave before they can see him cry. Avril Lavigne's 'Complicated' begins to play.

Principal Wilkinson: Not so fast, Mr. Wiseass. I saw that drawing of me that you xeroxed and threw down the middle of our school's inexplicably spiral staircase.

Luigi: Sick party, bro.

Mario: Hell yeah. Good tunes, good people...I'm just stoked none of Bowser's crew showed up.

Luigi: About that...Now don't freak, but Koopa Troopa and a few of his boys just walked in.

Mario: What!? I'm about to WILE OUT.

Luigi: Chill dude, chill.

Mario: If that weak ass turtle comes near me, I am going to do the WORST thing I can possibly do to him.

Luigi: What's that?

Mario: Jump on him.

Luigi: Whoa, whoa. Just be cool. One of his boys is comin' over to us right now...

*Mario flexes at a ghost that is approaching them. The ghost covers its eyes and stops.*

A conversation between different parts of my body, as I'm sitting at a bar:

Pants Brigade: Limp and ready for action, sir!

Captain Noggin: Private Eye! I need a status check now.

Private Eye: We got a bogey moving in at 2 miles per hour. She appears to be drunk.

Captain Noggin: Stats?

Private Eye: Weight approximately 200. Wears a tube top.

Captain Noggin: Oh sweet Jesus.

Pants Brigade: What are our orders?

Captain Noggin: Stand down men! I repeat: stand down!

Major Mouth: Ingesting beer... beer ingested.

Captain Noggin: Private Eye, what's the bogey status?

Private Eye: She's at 5 feet and closing and... I'm getting a new status... bogey weighs approximately 160.

Captain Noggin: But that's impossible!

Private Eye: Things are looking blurry, sir.

Woman: Help! Someone stole my purse.
Captain Power: Fear not, citizen! For I am Captain Pow-
Girlfriend: Oh my GOD! You DID NOT just hit on someone in front of me!
CP: Chill babe...I'm just doing my job.
GF: Why do you want to help her anyway? Do you think she's pretty?
CP: No, of course not.
GF: Yeah, REAL convincing.
CP: Come on, don't be mad. Please, babe?
GF: You always do this, Joe. You KNOW I've been totally stressing out about not having an outfit for Saturday.
W: He's getting away!
GF: *cough* SLUT *cough*
W: Please! Help me!
CP: He's almost out of sight. But if I use my super speed I ca-
GF: *sigh*
CP: What's that about?
GF: Nothing.
CP: Are you pissed? You look like you're pissed.
GF: I'm fine.

Why do I let myself daydream? In my head, my life is adventurous: I am a dashing prince upon a majestic horse, with a much deeper voice, striving valiantly to save the damsel. And I also don't have to pluck my eyebrows.

But in reality, when I try to make my dreams come true, things go differently. I'll show you what I mean. Here's a scene from the inside of my head:

Paul is waiting in line for a burrito, and a beautiful girl gets in line behind him. Paul turns around to talk to her.

Paul: Can you believe this line?

Girl: I know, seriously. It's like, I have places to be, please.

Paul: Ha, me too. Maybe they'll open a new line for people who are busy.

Girl: (winking slightly) Yeah, but then you'd still be in front of me, and I'd still be late.

Paul: Well, I'd think about letting you go in front of me.

Girl: Oh you would, would you?

Paul: (smiling coyly) Maybe. If you were good.

Girl: (getting closer) And what would I need to do to be... good? (strong sexual voice on 'good')

Paul: Well you could start with giving me your phone number.

Girl: (taking a small piece of paper from her cleavage, and a pen from Paul's pocket) Okay. (writes down the number, and stuffs it down the front of pants) But this better be just the start...

And so on and so forth. But here's what actually takes place when I try to make that happen.

In our inebriated state we discussed some songs that we would sing along to only when drunk. Luckily for you, we then filmed ourselves singing those songs. Enjoy!



Sarah also secretly video'd Jake listening and dancing to various songs all day in preperation. Here ya go!

March 10, 9AM.

Gary: (entering room) Oh man, what is up? Darren right?

Darren: How did you open the door?

Gary: I'm Gary... your roommate? We talked on the phone?

Darren: Last August?

Gary: Right... yeah exactly. So glad you're not some weirdo, haha, on the phone you sounded like a creep, but you actually seem pretty chill.

(Gary drops his backpack onto an empty bed in the corner, it's just a mattress on a frame.)

Gary: Sick, so you brought the TV.

Darren: I'm sorry. I'm a little confused.

Gary: No worries. Wo, tight. Red Hot Chili Peppers. Can I burn this?

Darren: No.

(Sitting down on the mattress, he takes a beer can out of his pocket and opens it)

Gary: Got a lot of catchin' up to BREW! Haha. Are all the hot girls taken? Who's the blond across the hall?

Co-written by Jeff Rosenberg

Pencils by Jake, coloring by Paul. A true team effort!

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