While you were busy secretly watching Gossip Girl, there was actual gossip happening, girl! Here's what you missed:

Count off!

1. Lindsay Lohan's all fat and delicious in rehab! You know, fat - like she looks like she might now eat something other than grapes and cigarette butts. Speaking of butts - we like her new one. Seriously, we would girl tap this piece. [WWTDD]

1a. Lindsay is probably doing so well in rehab because she allegedly spent most of her time there f*cking an old rocker dude who hearts bandanas and young poon. [Egotastic]

1b. Steve-o stopped stapling his nuts to his leg long enough to reveal that LiLo once stole coke from his house. 'Cept she calls it "boog suge." This also seems like an appropriate nickname for.... [DListed]

2. The most beautiful girl in the world!!

Celebrities are ugly, ya'll. For realstown.

Case and point? This monster:

I know Amy Winehouse has been going through some rough times - crack, coke, blah blah blah - but for serious. If Britney can brush her extensions, she should be able to get it together. Right? [CelebSlam]

Hayden Panettiere has stopped being cute and turned into crazy. Not only did she threaten to "kill" some tabloid reporter but she's rumored to be tapping her Heroes costar's ass. He's thirty. Check out the video of the two of them cuddling and dancing like old people at an Emmys party. Zexy! [IDLYITW]

While you were watching Britney's VMAs' performance over and over again on your TiVo, a bunch of other celebrities were doing stupid sh*t all week. Let's get through Britney's big ass (is that possible?) and move on to the other crazies.

So this week was all about Britney, bitch. Because she did this, and wore this, and had hair like this in her VMAs "comeback." [Egotastic]

Hello friends - school has started and so has the gossip. You're probably busy getting laid right now, but just in case you need a little extra help, here's what I got for ya.

You know that chick in High School Musical that you kind of thought was hot? Well she's naked on the internet right now! She's also drinking away her sorrows - nothing like a nude photo to get your addiction started just right. [WWTDD]

I'm pretty sure that I love Ice-T's wife CoCo more than my mother, my grandmother and myself - combined. Here's why (after the jump).