It's March Madness ya'll, and you know what that means - a bunch of crazy bitches running around Hollywood!

1. Wanna come really close to seeing Jessica Simon's V Zone? Now your wish can come true. She may not have a career, but she's still a tease! [IDLYITW]

2. Richie Sambora - who does something in Bon Jovi and was married to Heather Locklear but then ruined it by effing Denise Richards - was arrested for drunk driving. Pretty standard for LA, except his 10-year old daughter was in the car. At least we can predict that she'll be hot and crazy by the time she's 18. Nice work dad. [WWTDD]

I am off early this week to head to Beantown to celebrate Jesus' resurrection, so I'm givin' you the abridged gossip scoop this week. But I promise, it'll be short and super skanky! Just like that outfit you're wearing to Easter dinner.

1. Audrina Patridge of The Hills (the brown-haired one) is even boring while nude. But at least she's nude! [WWTDD]

2. Our favorite hooker, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, was about to be offered $1 million from Girls Gone Wild to do dirty things, but it turns out she already did 'em for the video company on her 18th birthday. [IDLYITW]

Brit's locked up at home, Paris is in love, and Lindsay's too busy admiring her V to do anything scandalous. I need some skanks to do something! Until then I'll just spoon with Lindsay blow up doll. So here's what I got for you - have fun tearing it apart. [HollywoodTuna]

1. Mandy Moore's mom is a lesbian and got caught up in some girl-on-girl love triangle. If only it was her daughter doin' it with the ladies. Am I right, fellow females? I'd pinch hit for a chance to bat against Mandy, know what I'm sayin'? [IDLYITW]

2. Eliot Spitzer, my fine, former Governor here in NY, got caught up in a scandal this week after it came out that he boned prostitutes. Spitzer resigned, so now we can just focus on how hot the chick he boned - on the night before Valentine's Day! - is. Like, seriously HOT. If only you had $4000. [IDLYITW]

3. Here are some racy pics of Sienna Miller. I don't know if they qualify as sexy because her ancient man-beast boyfriend is in them. So jerk-off at your own risk. [WWTDD/Egotastic]

As Jon Stewart would say: "Here it is, your moment of zen." Except this time, the zen involves boobs, butts, and crazy people. Fun!

1. Kim Kardashian on vacation: now with 90% more skin than the regular version! [WWTDD]

2. This year American Idol has a stripper in its midst! And no, it's not Ryan Seacrest. Sorry grandmas! [IDLYITW]

3. Angelina looks hotter pregnant. Boobs do a body good. [WWTDD]