Bill: Hello, new acquaintance.

Dave: Hey, neighbor, can I ask you something?

Bill: City hall. Rain cloud. Dollar sign.

Dave: Um, yeah. Listen, I really need a friend. My boss says I can't get promoted until I get one and learn something about cooking. Life in politics is not what I imagined.

Bill: Soccer ball. Earth. Ghost!

Dave: Uh...huh.

Bill: I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!

Pause.

Dave: So....you watch any sports or anything?

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Um, no thanks. I only ask because my TV only gets four channels, and they all speak this non-sense jibberish language. It's so weird.

Bill: Backrub?

Dave: Uh, still no, thanks.

Bill: Tickle!

Dave: Haaaa...very funny. That was not at all awkward.

Bill: We're friends now.

My friend, Dan, told me about this phone number the other day where you can call, ask any question and these people will answer it for you.  "It's called 'Call God'," he said. 

I did a little research and it turns out that this number does exists but it isn't God on the line: it's a few kids at Auburn University.  The phone rings in the Foy Student Union, where college kids have been answering random questions from strangers for about ten years. 

They've also been collecting valuable information, such as penis size data (Italians have the biggest at 6.5 inches, average is 5.6).  I called and asked if I should pee now or finish writing this article first and was told to use the bathroom now since the article would still be there when I came back.  Anyway, give them a call and ask a question, it's a lot of fun.