CollegeHumor: User 317's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755562 A Defense Of The Natives In The New Indiana Jones Advertisements Wed, 21 May 2008 01:36:59 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755562 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> The advertisements for the new Indiana Jones movie that can now be seen everywhere feature a band of angry indigenous people, Mayan ruins towering in the background, chasing a sheepishly smiling Indiana Jones. What a dick!

I am unequivocally on the side of the natives here.  The ads should naturally leave us all with the following questions and apprehensions.

What the hell was he doing there?

What right does he have, coming out of nowhere, trespassing on the land of these indigenous people?  Based on his history you know he is probably up to no good.  He probably wants to take some of their stuff, maybe find clues pertaining to an even bigger mystery, and if anyone gets in his way he'll kill them.  If those natives are smart, they'll kill him before he tells anyone else about them and missionaries arrive to destroy their beliefs, western diseases kill them, and western companies come to take their land, chop the trees down and possibly build hotels and casinos.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-05-21 01:36:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1732474 Time Travel Hotspots Wed, 30 May 2007 16:42:23 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1732474 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-05-30 16:42:23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1732474">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730768 Inappropriate Subtitles For Famous Novels Mon, 14 May 2007 17:16:02 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730768 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-05-14 17:16:02 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730035 Things That Don't Impress Girls Mon, 07 May 2007 19:18:15 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1730035 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> In the particularly awkward phase of making conversation with a girl, it is easy to repulse them with conversation that simply does not appeal to the mass of female society.Best bet is to just let them do the talking.Allow them vent about how annoying their roommate is or some other nonsense.If you must go intellectual, odds are, “The Great Gatsby,” or “Catcher In The Rye” has had some kind of impact on their life and they’d be happy to gush over them.Here are several things however that will not impress.

- Etymology of words-

Our language is a living thing, the end result of thousands of years of development.Why if you tried to speak English, with Middle English speakers of the 16 century they would be totally unintelligible!Language is a reflection of our history, our ancestors, and everything around it.Why did you know that the word dog didn’t exist until just a few hundred years ago?English speakers only had the word hound!Derived from the German word hund.Dog is a completely random word likely brought into existence by some regional slang and popularized by some prolifically writing monk or abbot.Interesting as all this is no girl worth talking to could possibly care less.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-05-07 19:18:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1703183 How To Not Get Hired At Your Internship Sat, 12 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1703183 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Fashion A Threatening Persona

Nobody respects the intern. Think of yourself as the youngest cousin that the whole family is going to get to pick on. That is of course unless you demand the respect you feel you deserve.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-08-12 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1699787 The Story Behind The Product Sat, 22 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1699787 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Should you ever have the occasion to walk down the aisle of a Whole Foods outlet, you will undoubtedly discover that every single piece of merchandise has a compelling story about its origin written on the side and back. The pressure to create a compelling chronicle for merchandise has got to the point that makers of soy sauce and trail mix are resorting to staffing a creative department to remain in business. If the following stories aren't enough to perk your interest perhaps you will find what you are looking for in the creativity of their competitors.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-07-22 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1691390 Depressing Snapple Facts Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1691390 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-06-05 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1687214 Saying Goodbye Sat, 20 May 2006 00:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1687214 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

To That Weird Creepy Guy,
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-05-20 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1671273 Missed Opportunities: The Hookups We Could Have Had Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1671273 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Missing Signals:
There are few things as to look back on your conduct of a previous night's evening and to realize, "holy shit" she totally fucking wanted me and I was too drunk and stupid to take stock of the situation. She was touching you unnecessarily, speaking suggestively close to your ear, fucking you with her eyes or any other overt yet to you subtle clues that upon later analysis seem unmistakably obvious, in the fog of the moment unforgivably escaped your radar.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-03-22 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1654855 Study Abroad: The Pitfalls Of Europe Sat, 11 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1654855 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Portugal

The Portuguese are famous for being easy going and friendly and are unlikely to cause anyone too much of a problem. I did however discover while staying in Lisbon that in many restaurants, that in lieu of payment, by merely singing a few blues songs for your waiter, he and the rest of the staff will start clapping wildly, and remain clapping until you leave the restaurant. It is a remarkable phenomenon that Americans should really attempt to take more advantage of.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2006-02-11 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1644384 10 Ways To Rid Yourself Of A Troublesome Roommate Mon, 26 Dec 2005 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1644384 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Keep Reading ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2005-12-26 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1633404 The Petty Crime Hall Of Fame Wed, 30 Nov 2005 00:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1633404 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Monticello, Virginia 2002 Monticello, the grand and timeless home of Thomas Jefferson is the sanctuary of many priceless antiquities and pieces of artwork. Its high profile made it an unlikely target for the designs of petty thieves.
During a morning tour of the mansion, two armed men overpowered a tour guide. They made their way to the gift shop and tossed several ashtrays into a backpack and dove out an open window. Investigators discovered that in the thieves' haste, one seems to have been injured upon landing in an evergreen bush situated outside the window. A blood trail led to the parking lot and there ended.
No financial reward has been offered for information leading to the arrest of the thieves. Nevertheless, it would undoubtedly be appreciated.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.ce42814d356284e3e2f6e68dd4230ba1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2005-11-30 00:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:317">John Hallmann</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />