Jeff Rosenberg's Articles

5 total in November 2009

Give Thanks For Awkward Facebook Messages
by Jeff Rosenberg 18 hours ago

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Roommate Confessions

Issue 104

by Jeff Rosenberg just now

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
I had a roommate who loved to tell everyone that because I'm a theater major, I don't have to work as hard as her, a nursing major, and I'll never get anywhere in life because I don't learn anything. One day I had had enough, so after she went to sleep I went outside and stuck $20 worth of Jolly Ranchers all over her car. Now when Jolly ranchers melt onto a car, they don't come off unless you either pour endless amounts of hot water onto them and dissolve them or scrape them off and take the paint off with them. I may not know how to prepare and administer someone's medication, but I definitely know how to f*ck up your car, b*tch.
Anna , Texas Tech

Remember when you had me smell your nasty pot of broccoli-and-cheese that you let sit in the sink for two weeks? Yeah, it was pretty nasty. Well, I've been saving my courtesy sniff. I've also been saving a jug of milk in the back of the fridge for two months. It's actually fermented, and I've had to use adhesive to keep the top from shooting off. By the time you read this, I will have called in my courtesy sniff.
Jonathan H., School Not Given

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Roommate Confessions

Issue 103

by Jeff Rosenberg 5 days ago

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!

Hey, annoying-as-hell roommate that insults everyone she meets and wonders why she has no friends. You haven't washed a single dish since moving in, you take my food, you forget your keys and text me nonstop to open the door at 4 am, and you visited Japan once and think it gives you the right to slurp your soup as loud as you can. I put salt in the soil where you've been trying to grow a bonsai tree. You're not Asian. You never will be. Shut up and wash your god damn dishes.
Jenna S., University of Victoria

Hey, remember how you and your friends tormented me the entire year by deliberately throwing parties in the room above my bedroom when you knew I had work the next day? And then remember how when I was out of town, you all got a little out of control and started stripping and taking photos? And how someone was stupid enough to post them on facebook? Yeah, I know you had them deleted, but not soon enough. I have them, and I'm sending them to your boss. Enjoy unemployment.
Vicki, School Not Given

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Roommate Confessions

Issue 102

by Jeff Rosenberg November 09, 2009

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Remember when you didn't have a lot of McDonald's fries with your meal and you asked if I just ate some of them? Well, that's the half truth. While I was driving home, I turned a corner and the fries fell on the dirty car floor so before I gave you your food, I just picked them back up and put them back in the bag.
Alex, School Not Given
You refused to take out the trash, wash your dishes or clean your side of the sink so I cleaned your side of the sink along with your microwave with my dirty socks and rung the water into energy drink the other day.
Brittani B, VSU

Hey you obnoxious suitemate. Remember how you had to spend hundreds of dollars getting your laptop fixed four different times because the hard drive kept "freezing"? Yeah, that was easy to do. One magnet, ten seconds, and boom! All your data is gone.

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Roommate Confessions

Issue 101

by Jeff Rosenberg November 02, 2009

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our submission page!
Remember how you stole that 200 dollars that we raised together? I used to play a game whenever you weren't around. It was called "Spit In Your Expensive Vintage Guitar." I always won.
Phill A., School Not Given

Emilio, remember the night after you watched Paranormal Activity, when you were dragged off your bed and into the hallway which caused you to piss your pants? I still get laughing fits remembering that.
Xaeroe Ecks, UT
That wasn't pink eye. I put some steel wool shavings in your contact case and dipped the tip of your eye liner in dish soap.
Dee B, BSC

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