Jeff Rosenberg's Articles

8 total in June 2007

  • I'm Sorry, I Don't Dance.

    Yeah, no I'll head out onto the floor next song. The song already started and I'd look stupid walking out there like a clown in the middle of it.
     
    I've got a beer in my hand so right after I finish I'll head out to the dance floor. Just want to get some alcohol in me to relax, get all loosely goosey.
     
    There really aren't any cute girls here that I'm attracted to. I think I'll just finish this beer in the corner. Every now and then I'll look up to scan the room for new prospects.

    Why is that hot girl dancing with that guy with his shirt unbuttoned? He's not even wearing an undershirt. It's just his bare body openly displayed. Who does that? Can someone answer me? Why is she dancing with him? The king of all douches.

    I'm not really feeling this beat.
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  • Ask The Interns



    Jacob N has a question for the interns: I don't get it. Since you don't get paid how do you even survive?  Do you have another job to rely on or do you just mooch off of mommy and daddy's money stash? I've been thinking about this for awhile and it just doesn't make sense considering the cost of living out in NY.

    Personally, I just don’t eat, or I steal food from my roommates. It’s pretty easy to get guys at bars to buy me drinks and to bum cigarettes off strangers and to panhandle for change for the subway. Also before I left I murdered my grandma and collected my inheritance.
             - Katie Marino

    I am a whore. nuff sed.
             - Will Schneider

    I live off the royalties of the phrase, "Deal or no deal?" which I came up with. You know "Crikey?" Yeah, that was me, too.
             - Patrick Cassels

    Our users are curious about Managing Editor Jeff Rubin's new picture. Why the sudden change?

    Jeff - I haven't taken a nice picture since I graduated high school, and some might argue it's been longer than that. My dad asked for one for Father's Day, so I took that picture and blew it up to poster size. The old picture of me was taken during an eight week no-shaving binge, and I always felt like I was lying to you guys about how much facial hair I have.



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  • Overheard

    It's that time of the month again where I ask you guys to submit things you've overheard people saying that you thought were particularly funny. I got a lot of responses and thought I'd share the top 5.  Remember, one of these if fake, can you guess which?

    Bro 1: Dude, last night I got on some chick with about the hottest body I've ever
    seen.
    Bro 2: So she was pretty bangin' man?
    Bro 1: Well, her body was hot... but uh.. she had braces. Then she left right after we were done. I woke up this morning, no phone number, no Facebook add. Nothin.
    - Ohio University -

    Dude 1: Yo bro, did you just slap my girlfriends ass?
    Dude 2: Bro, I'm not your Bro, Bro!
    - Northeastern University -
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  • Photobooth Breakup

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  • Ask The Interns

    Let's get this week started with a question that's on all our viewers' minds.  Where the hell is Street Fighter: The Later Years? We want more Street Fighter!

    Those of us here in the CH Originals department got away from Street Fighter for a while to work on other things. But don't worry! Sam (CH’s talented/bearded director and the creator of the series) and I crafted the story for the remaining episodes, and I’ve been working on the scripts for the last two months. The epic tale of honor, passion and Hadoukens will continue with seven new installments, and they will be released starting in the middle of the summer. Thanks for your patience – we’re looking forward to the new episodes as much as you are.
          - Dan Gurewitch

    Last week Jason Fox asked: Are you guys actually doing stuff at CollegeHumor which could be put on a resume, or is most of your day spent f*cking around
    on CollegeHumor.com? It would be great if this is a good resume builder and not just a four month keg stand for you guys.

    Intern Kevin (Kevintern) decided to answer this one for you guys: That's an excellent question Jason. Anything can be used on a resume if you know how to put the right spin on it. Here are just a few examples:
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  • Frat Guy Tries to Explain Frats to His 7th Grade Brother

    Frat Guy: Can't wait for you to pledge the fraternity.

    7th Grader:     I don't really think it's for me. Thanks anyway man.

    Frat Guy:     (angrily) What're you talking about? You've gotta pledge. You're legacy.

    7th Grader:     I just don't really get what it's all about.

    Frat Guy: What's there to get? You party wicked hard and hang with your boys.

    7th Grader:     Why do I need to be in a frat to do that?

    Frat Guy: Fraternity, not frat. Wouldn't call your country a c*nt would you?

    7th Grader: I'd call my country a c*nt. Hey America, you're a c*nt.

    Frat Guy: (yelling to another room) MOM, Patrick said a naughty word... and he's being unpatriotic. 

    7th Grader:     Whatever. I'm just saying I can hang out with my friends anytime and go out with people I meet at school, that's all.

    Frat Guy: That's what the fraternity is all about. Brotherhood.

    7th Grader: Seems like you guys just hang out with dudes all day.

    Frat Guy:  That's a big part of what we do. That's the brotherhood.
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  • Ex-Girlfriend Chatroom

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  • Ask The Interns

    So we finally got the last wave of editorial interns this week, bringing the count to a whopping 9! Let's start things off by listing these poor n0obz: Kevin, Katie, Jeremy, Jason, Chris, Will, Susanna, Patrick and me. If this was a party it'd be Sausage fest '07.  Anyway, people sent in some questions and now we're going to answer them.  If you have a question for the slaves send me a CH Message.

    Quick question Patrick, what's the best aspect of being an intern at CollegeHumor?

    Everything is amazing.  Everyone who works here is such an awesome person.  I don't even care that I don't get paid, honestly!  It's also awesome how I would never have to call the police because Jake was standing behind me with an Airsoft gun threatening to shoot a hole in my ear if I said anything bad about this awesome job.  It's so rad that I wouldn't have to call the police about that.  I wouldn't have to do that quickly. 

    And the worst aspect of being an intern?

    The "intern tax" Amir told me about. Apparently, the city imposed a 5-dollar-a-day levy on all interns, which CH senior writer Amir Blumenfeld is nice enough to collect. To be honest, I've never actually heard of such a tax, but Amir told me they "just passed it, like, the day before you started." I know it's the law, but its still a bit frustrating, and Amir says he still hasn't told me know about the "5 percent of you Wendy's Bacon Cheeseburger" tariff.  That, and the bloody hole in my ear.
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    • Jeff Rosenberg NYU

    About Me

    Jeffrey Mortecai Rosenberg hatched out of an enormous egg fully grown in 1998. Unfortunately, such little experience in life made high school a nightmare as he was constantly ridiculed with witty nicknames like “egg boy”, “boy who hatched outta an egg”, and “stupid rich jewish fuck”. After years of therapy and reconstructive surgery, Jeff was ready to enter the real world. He has made it his life’s goal to rid SNL of Kenan Thompson, replacing him with his much funnier, comical sidekick Kel. For reasons unbeknownst to others, Jeff enjoys eating chicken seed, rallying anti-chicken cruelty protests, and having sex with chickens. Jeff is also incapable of knowing when he’s taken a bad joke way too far.

    Email me at jeffrosenberg@collegehumor.com!!!

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