His professor sent him an e-mail the following day:

Every college guy's worst nightmare is knocking up his girlfriend. Here's 5 ways how not to:

1. Pull Out - It takes a lot of will power to pull out during the best part. It'd be like leaving Game 7 of the World Series in the 9th inning with the score tied, just so you didn't have to experience gridlock traffic afterwards.

2. Wrap It - I know, I know. Wrapping it sucks. Totally. It's almost not even worth it right. Like why even bother having sex if you're not going to feel it, but there's a 50% chance she has an STD anyway. Better safe than sorry.

3. Birth Control - Get that B on the P. Pill that is. Welcome to the 21st century toots. Swallow that sweet tart and call it a night.

4. Morning After Pill - If she won't take that pill make her take this one. As long as she's downing some FDA approved uterine destroyer she's a-okay in my book.

5. Vasectomy - This is by far a last resort. They have to go inside you and tie some tubes and all I can imagine is them sticking a long needle down my pee hole. Ouch. Don't do it. It makes me squeamish even thinking about it. Ugh, just pull out, please.

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Start your week off right with Roommate Confessions, your best source for disgusting tricks and awesome pranks.

My room gets really hot in the winter, even with the thermostat all the way down. My roommate's solution is to sleep completely topless (I mean completely), which is reeeally awkward for me. I mentioned that to her, but she called me a prude and kept doing it. So, one time when she was asleep and just asking for it, I took a few pictures and posted them online. I haven't decided if I should tell her.
Girl, School of Visual Arts

The guys I lived with my freshman year were ass holes. They would always make a mess and leave it. One day I decided to use all of their OxyClean to do my laundry. Instead of buying the some new, I just took the old container, filled it with sugar, and put it back in their room. They never noticed a difference, and I never told them.
Brandon, University of KY

1. Kick through the front door decked out head to toe in your school apparel. You should already be drunk by the way. Like, almost retarded drunk. You should actually be at the point where you won't remember arriving to this party the next day. Show up to the party as early as you can too, 8 o'clock sharp.

2. Act like you're too good to be there. Keep saying you should head to another party, when in reality the other party doesn't exist. Don't go up to anyone, let them come to you. Tell them all the "keggers" you've gone to over the semester. Feel free to exaggerate. If any dude tries to talk to you immediately ask him how many brews he can chug. If he responds with anything less than a thousand kick him in the face.

3. Hit on the freshman girls. All of them. You're in college now buddy and no one on the face of the Earth is more chill than a college student. You know what freshman girls think about college dudes? They think you have sex non-stop. Use that to your advantage. If you have sex with any less than two at once you have f*cking failed.

4. Inevitably the high school guys at the party are going to get mad that you crashed their party, started drinking their beer and are now hitting on their girls. This is why it's imperative to roll deep with 8 or 12 of your high school buddies and maybe one of your crazier friends who's visiting you from school. Carry switchblades.

5. Tell stories. These babies will lap up every word that leaves your mouth like a thirsty dog on a hot summer day. Everything you say is gold, so embellish your stories to ridiculous extremes and talk about the seemingly endless dozens of girls you've hooked up with. Keep talking about "Crazy Eddie" from school and how he'll do anything. Literally, this kid is certifiably insane. He was committed in like middle school but they had to let him out on a technicality. But above all just get really drunk and don't look back.

While living with this freak who was constantly taking powdered protein and visiting the gym at least on a daily basis, I decided to integrate some hydrocil instant laxative powder into his giant tub of whey protein. While it took a while to kick in, the facts that he had the runs for 3 consecutive weeks while refusing to seek medical advice (even at my own suggestion) really made it all worth it.
Clarke, DePauw

My freshman year of college, my roommate ate all of my food, insisted on having the window open at night (even though it was winter and my bed was next to the window), and had his ugly-ass girlfriend sleep over EVERY night. Add to this the fact that he was a total hick who decked out in cammo everyday and blared country music at 7am, and I had had enough. Near the end of first semester, when everybody was starting to register for classes, I noticed a post-it note above his desk. Turns out, he wrote down his student ID number and password the day before and forgot to throw it away. So, I signed into his student account, dropped all the classes he had registered for, and signed him up for fashion and dance classes (he is a construction management major.) He didn't find out until the first day of the next semester when the classes he wanted had already filled up. I moved out a few days later, and never found out how he fixed the situation. Serves you right you fat hick.
August, Colorado State