Last week I confessed some of my own dirty secrets to my freshman roommate. This week I asked you guys to submit some of your confessions. Here are the top 10 you sent to RoommateConfessions@Gmail.com

You told me many times how you were deadly allergic to peanuts and how just being around them could give you a reaction. Regardless I still kept a jar of peanuts in the drawer and would eat them regularly.
- Jared, Pennsylvania State University -

Roommate, you snore really, REALLY loud. One night it drove me so crazy that I farted on you in your sleep. And I'm pretty sure that's how you got pinkeye.
- Stuart, School Not Given

Two years ago, I had to get a new roommate because mine left for a new school halfway through the year. Anyway, my internet was down and I had to go on my roommates to check my Ebay account. I had a feeling the guy was a bit weird, so I checked his “my pictures” folder and found self taken pictures of his erect penis with his face in the background. They were taken near gooch, and upward.
- Mitchell, University of Wisconsin - Stevens Point -

10: I made fun of you behind your back for like, the first two months of school. Sorry, but it really helped me make friends.

9: I told everyone on our floor that you farted in your sleep and I couldn't stand the smell, so I'd wear nose plugs to bed. That's a more specific part of 10. Maybe even a 10a.

8: Remember that weekend you went home because your grandma was sick? I whacked it on your bed, like, 12 times. Not in a row, but over the course of like 2 days.

7: You have really good porn on your computer. And it's not hard to find.

Welcome. You're all here today because you want to be a member of Alpha Epsilon Pi. I'm assuming you all know this is the Jewish fraternity, but university code says we can't openly discriminate against those who wish to rush. Having said that, Meeshocky, what're you trying to pull? I can smell a dirty Palestinian a mile away. Go smoke hookah somewhere else. Get the hell outta here.

You too Chen Li. We know you only want our Morgan Stanley connections. Not happening, pal. Hit the road.

As the rest of you know, this is the Jewish New Year, so let's get things started right. You obviously want to join this fraternity for it's countless perks. I'll just highlight some quickly in case you didn't already know. But before I start, Anthony, the exit is over there. That nose may pass in some places but not here. I can taste the proscuitto stromboli twenty feet away. Leave the stromboli, take your ass outta here. Is that the Godfather line? Doesn't matter. Leave.

Let's start with a couple notable alumni. I'll just list a couple randoms. Samuel Zell, real-estate entrepreneur, co-founder and Chairman of Equity International, a real-estate private equity firm. Sanford Weill, Co-chairman, Citigroup. Fred Silverman, Independent Producer, Former President NBC Television. Abe Saperstein, Former owner of Harlem Globetrotters.

Speaking of the Globetrotters, Jackson, get out of here. And don't give me that black Jew sh*t. I'm hip to your smooth jive. Do you even know what Rush Hashanah is about? It's the beginning of an epic new semester. The Feast of Trumpets. The blowing of the ram's horn, the mother f*ckin shofar! Why haven't you left yet?

Whose idea was it to come up with the Fleshlight?
Mine. Where it came from was my original patent in '95 was on sexually usable body portions. I got that patent in '95, and it was basically a silicone body portion of a girl, from the belly button to a couple of inches into the legs with the vagina removed. It was that material that I had formulated to replicate human skin that was the key. An issue came up; a very close friend of mine, a really successful businessman, looked at the product and he wanted me to send him the insert part, the sexually usable part, to his house. I said, "Sh*t Bob, you're my friend, I'll send you a body. Which one do you want?" And he said, "Oh God, no! Don't send one of those bodies to my house!" So obviously, I realized at that point that if I couldn't give them away to a friend, how the f*ck could I ever sell one of the things? So I had dropped him off at the airport, and on my way home I worried about this product that I had spent already $750,000 on developing, but I couldn't sell.

Three Guys sit in their common room watching T.V.

Greg (9/11 kid): So what’s going on tonight?
Jim: I don’t know man. Staying in.
Mike: Yeah, I don’t really feel like going out either.
Greg: Come on guys it’s my 21st birthday. Let’s get wasted!
Mike: Don’t you know what today is dude.
Jim: Show some respect.
Greg: (fed up) You know guys, this is bullsh*t. The past 6 years I’ve dealt with this and I’ve taken it like a champ. No complaints. I understand. But it’s my 21st birthday!
Jim: Too soon.
Greg: So I never get to have a normal birthday, ever again?
Mike: Try to be a little more considerate Greg. We’re in yellow right now.
Greg: Yellow?
Jim: Elevated. Significant Risk of Terrorist Attacks.
Greg: How do you know that?
Jim: I have a facebook app.
Greg: Well this is stupid. You guys really do suck.

Annoyed, Greg exits the common area and goes into his room to call his Dad.