It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to our new submission page!

This summer semester has been hellish not because of calculus, but because of the boneheads across the hall who insist on blaring their rap sh*t into the night and waking me up with it at 5am since sound carries all too well in this hall. Well I got sick of them always slamming their door at 5am and playing the music, so at about 3 in the morning, I snuck up to their door with a 50 count box of those little pull firecrackers. The ones where you pull the two strings and they explode in the middle. I made sure they were the ones with extra long strings. So I set to work with a tube of super glue and over the course of 25 minutes, glued one string to the door and one to the door frame for each of the poppers. I then went in my room and went back to studying for a test that day so sleep was irrelevant. Sure enough, at 5 am, I hear their music turn on, followed by almost all the poppers exploding at once. As an added bonus, there was a crash. Apparently he'd fallen and reached for something to grab, which had been the wire to their iPod dock with the built in speakers, successfully pulling it off the shelf and smashing it to bits. Now I sleep very well.

M., SIUC

My roomate was such a jackass, he would steal all my food and drinks and started stealing money from my piggybank, I started getting pissed. I knew that he was an alcoholic so I got a waxing kit and waited until he passed out in our room and then poured hot wax all down his hairy legs and left him the job to tear his leg hair out.
WP, Williams

Cheryl: I can't thank you all enough for coming out to our lil' Rebecca's second birthday, especially after all the turmoil and chaos of Gary and I separating. *Tearing up* I know, I know today is a day for celebration so let's start th --

Gary enters and SLAMS the door shut behind him, sweating profusely with the musk of a man who's had a few too many after-work shots with the boys.

Gary: (slurring) Where's MY little girl?

Cheryl: Jesus Gary, not now! You can't just barge into my house anymore.

Gary: Your house? That's funny! YOUR house? MY HOUSE saddlebags! And Becca's MY girl too so I have every right to be here for her birthday.

Cheryl: Let's just try and be civil for once. Please.

Gary: Is this chump in the black and white camo your new boy toy? Your new pet holding my goddamn daughter as she wears the pink outfit I bought for her! How many times did you ride him on my La-Z-Boy, Cheryl? How many times?!?

Cheryl: You're drunk Gary. Seek help.

Gary: Just answer me one question. Does he f*ck you as softly as I do?

Cheryl: That's your brother Richard, he's here for the birthday party Gary.

Gary: Jesus you really are a dirty slut. Well I have a present for YOU Cheryl.
*Motions towards door* Come in Candi, the party's just getting started.

*Candi enters causing everyone to shift uncomfortably in their seats*

Cheryl: She looks like a prostitute.
 
Gary: Wrong again Cheryl! She's a hooker. Now who wants to do a shot? I'm going to do a shot. Shots?

*Richard goes to stand up*

Cheryl: Sit down Richard. We're about to sing Happy Birthday to Becca. We'd all appreciate it if the both of you just left.

Gary: Then two shots for my baby girl on her birthday it is! Turn around Candi.

*Gary grabs her from behind, bends her over and pours a nip of vodka onto the small of her back*

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

My final year of college I had a bro-tastic roommate that just loved his protein and whey. After a long night of pounding Carling (Canada's version of Natty Light) and "killing hookers" at some random kegger as you put it you'd wake up the next morning before me and use my electric frying pan to cook your steak and egg omelette's and whey shakes and leave the pan uncleaned for my breakfast later on that morning. After about a month of this I got pretty sick of cleaning up after you and started re-wiring the frying pan so every time you turned it on it would short out in the handle and shock the living sh*t out of you. You'd ask me to fix it, I'd fix it without a word and then promptly un-fix it a couple days later. Even better, you stopped asking me to fix it and went out and finally bought a brand new electric frying pan, which I also promptly "optimised it's wiring."
Kevin, Mohawk College

My roommates girlfriend steadily moved her stuff in until she basically became our roommate as well. She was a miserable woman who was constantly complaining about everything. For example, she lost her keys once which I found buried in the couch. So she accused me of stealing them so that she would be late for work - yeah, like I wanted her to NOT to leave, right? Anyway, when she hung a bath sponge thing in our shower, I used it as a pee catcher. It absorbed a lot of pee for nearly a year. They eventually married, then divorced. She never stopped being a miserable individual.
Dave University of St Thomas

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been a lot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out the top 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

Do you remember last year when your violin got "stolen?" I don't care if it was the only thing that your Grandfather left you, everyone got sick of hearing it. Also, the reason the neck warped and eventually came apart on your really expensive guitar wasn't because you got a bad one, it's because I loosened the truss rod, you sucked anyways, I did you a favor.
Derek, School Not Given

This goes out to the entire Mac Issaac house, I believe the statute of limitations is up on this so I can finally confess. After you boys stole our pool balls, I had some liquid courage and stole the stereo out of your lounge and then threw it out the window. The stereo went right through Ralph's mercedes windshield, unintentional but it was still wicked.
Garrett, School Not Given

It's been an entire week since your last confession and there's been alot of good, solid sinning going on across the country. Check out thetop 5 and don't forget to submit your misdeeds to RoommateConfessions@GMail.com.

My roommate sophomore year would always eat my food, drink my beer, and leave his dirty clothes and shit all over our room. This went on for months even after I told him repeatedly to pick up his shit and replace my beer when he drank it. About every two weeks or so his girlfriend would come by and would gather up his clothes and wash them for him as a nice gesture. To get back at him for being such a douche bag I slipped what appeared to be a used condom into a pile of his clothes. He came back from class only to find all of his clothes were missing and his girlfriend had dumped him. He missed class for like a week because he was so heartbroken and he had to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe.
Anonymous, Michigan State University

I ate all the blueberries, and they were delicious.
Patric, School Not Given