Host: Hi, welcome to "Sex Talk," where on tonight's episode... Wait, we're shooting more than one episode of this?

Director: CUT! Rick, what the hell. I've explained this to you like six times. It's a pretend TV show. This is the only episode. Just read the cue cards, OK? Action.

Rick: Hi, welcome to our pretend TV show "Sex Talk," where tonight--

Director: CUT!! Rick, you can't tell them it's fake. We're trying to fool people here. Why do you think we shelled out like eighty three bucks on this set?

Rick: Looks great, by the way.

Director: God damn right it does. But it's gotta sound as convincing as it looks, OK? So try it again from the top. Action!

Rick: Hi, welcome to "Sex Talk," where tonight we're discussing Extenze, the amazing male enhancement pill that's sold a gajillion bazillion units and counting!

Fading porn star Kelly Vagina: That's right, Rick! Extenze is an all-natural supplement that increases the size of that certain part of the male anatomy...

Officer Pat O'Hara, back with the GCPD after a 10-year absence, stares out the window of his cruiser as it makes its way downtown.

Officer O'Hara: Hey Michaels, what's the deal here?

Officer Michaels: Not sure what you mean.

O'Hara: You ever notice there's a lot less neon in Gotham than there used to be?

Michaels: Neon?

O'Hara: Yeah, remember that?

Michaels: Neon... neon... nope sure don't.

O'Hara: Oh come on. There used to be pink and purple lighting EVERYWHERE in this city. Floodlights, spotlights... and all those big freakin' statues of naked guys standin' between the buildings? They're gone too.

Michaels: Naked statues... nah, not ringin' any bells, pal.

O'Hara: You kiddin' me, Michaels? Seems like almost nightly we were down here, roundin' up gangs covered in day-glo face paint. Now look at the place. It's like someone swooped in and made it a lot less, I dunno... stupid. Look, there's no blacklights hanging over the alleys anymore.

Michaels: You feelin' OK, O'Hara? You're not making any sense. Talking crazy tonight, heh.

O'Hara: I'm fine, Michaels. You're the one not making any sense. This was right after the city's little "gothic" phase, remember? Back when everything was kinda dark and twisted... Mayor looked like a penguin? Stole a bunch of kids? One of them was your daughter?

Michaels: Hmm, someone needs to lay off the sauce, I think. Seriously, O'Hara, just drop it, OK?

Radio: *Ksssh* All units: Robbery underway at Gotham National Bank, Second Avenue and 36th. Suspect is described as a white male in his late twenties with a disfigured mouth and stringy, shoulder-length hair. Calls himself 'The Joker.' *Ksssh*

O'Hara: Um, I don't know who she's describing, but it's NOT the Joker. (Picks up the handset.) Shelley? You sure you don't mean a paunchy, middle-aged fella' with a weird voice and impossibly diagonal eyebrows? Listenin' to a buncha' Prince songs on a boom box, maybe?