Since last week was Thanksgiving and I was trapped in parts of Ohio that don't have high-speed internet (my Nana's house!) The Morning After Grey's never materialized. But tonight's episode was a rerun-- this season's opener about which I've already written-- and so it's a good opportunity to play catch up. And nothing helps me prepare for finals more than waxing philosophic on trite prime time soaps.

So: while it was never really made clear, George and Izzie are just friends and he's sleeping on her floor like a household pet while she bitches on and about Christina and Meredith's cliquish behaviors. Usually Grey's "all new special events" have stronger openings-- I'm thinking of the fantasy dream sequence where Christina, Meredith and Izzie showered together on Superbowl Sunday-- and this was weaksauce. Sometimes this show is compelling and interesting while still maintaining its status as a guilty pleasure, but this week Shonda Rhimes phoned it in. George in a sleeping bag was not the insightful, provocative TV I had in mind.

Meredith Grey's life is pretty depressing, but watching her boyfriend interact on a date with Sydney Heron hit a new low. Granted, Meredith and Derek are kaput. Technically he can do whatever he wants. But Sydney Heron is like a twisted combination of the Trix Rabbit, Barbie, and Willy Wonka. And she's not even the sweet and friendly Gene Wilder Willy Wonka. She's the scary Johnny Depp Willy Wonka with the huge teeth.

None of that matters, though, because a high school bus crashed, and high school mean girls have invaded Seattle Grace. Perhaps the meanest girl of all, though, is Dr. Hahn. Not only does she have scary orange skin and flowing long blonde hair, but she is a bitch. There are no words to describe or convey her bitchiness. She is simply awful.

If you have cable, you know Demetri Martin. The New York City-based comedian has appeared in stand-up specials like Premium Blend and Comedy Central Presents..., Flight of the Conchords, commercials for Microsoft, and a plethora of other projects, but he's probably best known for his work on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Last night after his set at my school, we talked the WGA strike, his creative process, and our favorite palindromes. (Mine? "Was it a car or a cat I saw?" His is his own design: "Snub no man. Nice cinnamon buns.")

Oh, boy. This week Grey’s Anatomy delivered just what the doctor ordered (see what I did right there? So clever!) in two ways. The first was extended pleasure Grey’s—five minutes longer!!—and the second was Christina Yang, psychoanalyst. Seriously, you know Meredith is crazy when she starts taking advice from someone who would rather have a career than marry her hot, rich boyfriend. What an idiot. Meredith deserves all the bad advice she gets.

Sigmund Yang’s first prescription for Meredith’s nightmares and panic attacks? A halt to the break-up sex. Now THAT is a tall order. Asking Meredith to avoid self-destructive behavior is like asking George to quit being a fidgety biscuit. People just can’t unlearn their personalities. Across town, the Chief has moved into a separate trailer on McDreamy’s land, where he suggests a “Gentlemen’s Evening,” a sort of boys’ night for the men of the surgery unit. I can’t even articulate how much this bugs out Derek (and later McSleazy), but they definitely suspect a Gentlemen’s Evening involves strippers and maybe barnyard animals. I’m hoping it’s like the brandy parties the men on the Titanic went to. Or an orgy. I hope both.