CollegeHumor: User 34106's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794915 Aubrey Plaza Mon, 23 Nov 2009 20:56:01 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794915 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After getting her start in hit web series like The Jeannie Tate Show and ESPN's Mayne Street (she's also appeared in a CollegeHumor video or two), Aubrey Plaza currently appears in NBC's Parks and Recreation. She recently finished shooting Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, directed by Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead). She made her feature debut this summer opposite Seth Rogen in Funny People, which comes out on DVD this week. She also wouldn't mind if you followed her on Twitter. 

In Funny People, you play a stand-up. You hadn't done stand-up before the movie, correct?

The first time I did it was in Queens. I did do it just for the film - I had met with Judd and I knew the only obstacle was that I wasn't a real stand-up. Then, when I was cast, I came out to L.A. and had to immediately start doing shows with the rest of the cast. I kind of got thrown into it, but I really liked it so I kept doing it. I'm still doing it now.

You came up through the UCB Theatre - how do you feel about the relationship between stand-up and improv?

Improv is obviously collaborative because you have support and people around you. For me, stand-up is terrifying and really, really hard and scary because it's all on you and your delivery and what you're writing and how you're saying it and everything so it's kind of unapologetic.

Stand-ups will spend hours writing and rehearsing a joke to make it sound organic, improv is always that way.

Totally. In terms of what I like, I think I like improvising more. I don't like planned things, but I like writing too. It's a good exercise for your comedy brain to write stand-up jokes and see how they work.

Are you writing anything besides stand-up right now?

I've been trying to work on some movie ideas and stuff like that. It's hard to balance it [with Parks and Recreation], but I'm trying to be one of those people who writes and performs and does everything all of the time.

I went to Donald Glover's Comedy Central Presents stand-up special the other week. He definitely seems like one of those comedians who do everything.

He's a good friend of mine, and you're right, he's that guy. He goes to shoot a scene and instead of messing around in his downtime he's writing a million jokes or writing and shooting videos. That's kind of like the ideal comedian right there.

He's definitely doing about as well as someone can do.

He's amazing, and so disciplined. He reminds me of Seth Rogen actually. Seth is like that, he's really disciplined, always writing and always working on something.

You're not doing badly, either. Web comedy can be a bit of a wasteland, but your track record (Jeannie Tate, Mayne Street) is pretty exceptional. Anything we're missing?  

I don't think so. I don't have any horrible web series locked away in my basement. Honestly, I'm lucky to be in all of those. Jeannie Tate changed my whole career. It got me an agent, and without that, I don't think I'd even be talking to you.

Liz is awesome. She did a pretty great Sarah Palin for us a while back.

The CollegeHumor videos I've done, too, were so helpful in getting agents and getting people to see me.  Any time Sam Reich has a video or wants me to do anything, I'm indebted to him.

So I should cross "dirt on Sam Reich" off my list of questions?

[Laughs] Um, yes.

I just followed your Twitter about an hour ago. Some comedians, like Steve Agee, have almost a million followers. How does that happen?

I don't know. Aziz [Ansari] has a million Twitter followers too. I'm not really great at Twittering, I do it really inconsistently or when I have a link I want people to see. I'm not much of the, "I'm eating a sandwich right now"-type Twitter-er. I don't know how to make myself have more followers. If you find out, let me know.

After doing Internet comedy, how does it feel to shoot a movie and then not see the finished results for almost a year?

It's pretty strange. By the time Funny People came out I had forgotten what I had done, and I had no idea what to expect. It's kind of exciting in that way, though. You work on it and you have to let it go, and you hope that you're going to be happy with the outcome. Luckily, I was, I thought it was really great.

The lead of Parks and Recreation, Amy Poehler, started the UCB Theatre. Do you improvise on set at all?

Our scripts are so good that we don't need to improvise too much, the jokes are there and everything kills at table reads. Usually our directors let us have fun after we have what's in the script and we get to mess around a bit. I think that's important, because you can discover different ways of doing things. It's also fun to try and come up with stuff that will make the other person laugh. It keeps you on your toes, keeps everyone's spirits high and keeps it fun.

Finally I wanted to ask about Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, directed by Edgar Wright. Edgar, like Judd, is famous for having a pretty distinctive sensibility.

It was amazing. Edgar is so different from Judd, he's really technical and specific in a great way. Edgar's very funny too, he just has a very different style from Judd.

Much more precise.

Totally. And Bill Pope, the DP, did The Matrix and Team America, so that team just knew what they wanted and how it was going to work. Fitting your choices and your comedy style into that, that was something I had to learn how to do, but once it worked, it really worked. I think that movie's going to be the best movie of next summer.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794915">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 No Droids Allowed Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794411 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"Oh, no, we're not together."

Luke, C-3PO and R2-D2 walk into the Mos Eisley Cantina. The Bartender stops them.

Bartender: Hey! We don't serve their kind here!

Luke: What?

Bartender: Your droids. They'll have to wait outside.

C-3PO and RD-D2 turn to leave.

Bartender: Oh, sorry, the short one can stay. Just not the shiny, prissy one.

Luke: I'm sorry?

Bartender: The effeminate one with the lisp. We don't serve his kind here.

C-3PO: Apologies, sir, it's a British accent. If it offends you, I can certainly...

Luke cuts him off.

Luke: What are you trying to say, buddy?

Bartender: I just think there are some cantinas on the west side that might be more his speed.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-17 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 31 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793988 Production Interns? Hell Yes. Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:03:24 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793988 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> "The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant, that few stood against many and, before this battle is over, that even a god-king can bleed." - King Leonidas of Sparta, Former CH Originals Production Intern

Hey! We're looking for a few more Production Interns for the Spring semester to help us make all the original content you see here every day.

Here's what we want from a Production Intern:
  • Previous production experience
  • Enrolled in a related major or coursework
  • Extremely reliable and great work ethic
  • Ability to receive college credit
  • Willingness to learn and work with a team
  • Residence in, or within commuting distance of NYC (Manhattan)
  • Coolness 

Here's what you'll get to do:
  • Be involved in the pre-production and production of all videos
  • Help out in the office and on set
  • Be a crucial part of a small team where every member counts
  • Everything from scouting locations to finding a last-minute sexy gorilla costume

Interested? All you need to do is send a polite cover letter and resume to chtvinterns@gmail.com.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793605 Facebook Event Reminder Fail Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793605 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-02 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 482 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 Nick Frost Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After working with partners Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright to create a successful British sitcom (Spaced) and two hit feature films
(Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), Nick Frost now appears as '60s DJ Doctor Dave in the upcoming Pirate Radio. He's also a charming, soft-spoken Brit, and I encourage you to read this interview with his voice in your head.

Your character in this film, Dave, could be quite the sexual role model for full-figured men.

I think I'm going to be asked to appear on the cover of "All American Bear".  It's pretty brave of Richard (Curtis, the director) to cast a 20 stone man in a romantic role. It's not everyday you get to just wander around naked and people don't give a sh*t.

Tom Sturridge (the film's lead) said the one scene he'd always remember was being naked with you in a tiny boat bathroom.

If you had to show an alien race how different the human form can be I think Tom would be at one end and I'd be at the other. If you get the Blu-Ray version and pause, you will see a sliver of nut. Two hands couldn't contain my range.

This film is a love letter to 1960s rock. Were you familiar with the era's music?

Growing up, my big love was house music. I was 15 or 16, going to raves and not going to school like naughty boy. In the first week of the film, I said to Richard, "I've never listened to a Rolling Stones record, don't tell anyone." And he immediately told Bill Nighy - he's a massive Stones nut - and Bill told me off for 5 minutes.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-23 11:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 56 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791830 FML: Both Sides Of The Story Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791830 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> .fml_container {background:#EBF3FF;"Lucida Grande","Lucida Sans Unicode",Verdana,Arial,sans-serif; font-size:13px; padding:5px 0}.fml {margin:10px; -moz-border-radius:8px; background:#ffffff; padding:8px; border-bottom:5px solid #fff}.fml p {color:#444444; }.fml small {color:#808080;}.fml small .fml_blue {color:#0062BD}.fml_container hr.fml_divider_black {border:15px solid #ffffff;}.fml_container hr.fml_divider{background:#ffffff; height:5px; margin:0 -10px; border:none;}

Everyone said the hot English teacher was a bitch, but I took her anyway. Our first week of class, she assigned a 12 page paper. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks (17543) - you totally deserve it (9865)
On 9/3/2009 at 4:23pm - misc - by straight effed - United States (Maine)

I asked my students to write a short essay on Hawthorne. Well turns out I wrote "6000 words" instead of "600". Hello 300 extra pages of reading this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks (6234) - you totally deserve it (23865)
On 09/4/2009 at 11:23am - misc. - by schooled - United States (Maine)

This girl I really like finally invited me to her house for a party. I spent all Saturday getting ready but when I got there, the house was empty. The party was Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks (24920) - you totally deserve it (5106)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:30am - misc. - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

My parents left for the weekend, so I spent $200 on a party for my entire class. The only one who showed up was this creepy kid who keeps a picture of me in his locker. I told him it was the wrong night just so he'd leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks (15901) - you totally deserve it (8791)
On 8/31/2009 at 1:23pm - misc. - by pissedoff - United States (Virginia)
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-22 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 965 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789609 The Time Traveller's Girlfriend Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789609 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"I need to borrow $50."

DAY ONE
Rachel wakes up next to Henry.

Rachel: I had a lot of fun last night.

Henry: Before this goes any further, I have to warn you. I was born with a rare genetic disorder that causes me to skip through time. I may disappear for months, even years at at time.

Rachel: That's awful! Let me make breakfast, we can talk about-

The room is empty. Henry is already gone.

WEEK FIVE
Rachel stands on her porch. Henry approaches, dishevelled.

Rachel: Henry! Finally, you're back. You look horrible.

Henry: Yes, the effects of time travel often resemble a hangover.

Rachel: At least you're here. My parents are in town this week, I really want you to meet them.

Henry: Ah, that's this week?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-12 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 78 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789493 The Seven Least Convincing Movie High Schoolers Wed, 19 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789493 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Judd Nelson - Breakfast Club
Movie Age: 17 / Actual Age: 26
It's OK that Judd Nelson's classic bad boy looks a few years older than his naive peers. It's not OK that he looks like he's been drinking and smoking heavily for the past two decades. Through no fault of Judd's, the fingerless gloves and endlessly layered flannel all reek of a guy a little too old trying a little too hard.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-19 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 152 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789235 Demetri Martin Tue, 11 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789235 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Important Things With Demetri Martin, his highly rated Comedy Central series, Demitri Martin is making his foray into feature films with Ang Lee's Taking Woodstock.

This is new territory for you. Was there a personal decision to seek out more dramatic film roles?

No, this was just lucky. I was contacted because James Schamus (the producer) had seen a clip of me on YouTube, thanks to his daughter. I guess the wheels started turning in his head and he thought, "We might be able to use this guy."

What was the biggest adjustment, working on a film of this size?

I quickly learned I wasn't going to be improvising in this role. They had a script, and they wanted me to do things a certain way. In my own show, I'm free to improvise, and if it's sh*tty, I'm free to edit it.  In the movie, after a scene, the script supervisor would come over and say "You forgot to say and."
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-11 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 64 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789161 Why They Cancelled America's Army Wed, 05 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789161 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

An army briefing room. A four-star general enters with Herman, a pimply, greasy fifteen-year-old. 

General: Men, meet Herman Wallace. He's topped the America's Army leadboard for the past five months, and we believe he is our best and brightest hope of winning this war.

Herman: Sup losers. 

The Middle East, a few weeks later:

Marine Sargeant: Commander Wallace! Insurgents have the compound surrounded. What are your orders?

Herman: OK, first thing, we need some health packs.

Sargeant: Sir?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-05 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788598 How God Really Feels About Gay Sex Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788598 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The Garden of Eden, day ten or so.

God: Adam, there's something we need to talk about.

Adam: Sure, what's up?

God: It's about sex.

Adam: Oh sex! I meant to thank you for that. Great invention. Use it all the time. In your top five, for sure.

God: I'm actually not talking about sex with Eve - I'm talking about sex with someone like yourself.

Adam: Ah, that? Sorry, sometimes I'm alone, or Eve's not in themood, and I have to make do. In fact, since you removed that rib, I canalmost reach it with my mo-

God: No! No, I'm not talking about that. I meant about sex with another one of my creations, who I also made as a male.

Adam: Who? The snake? The angel with the flaming sword? Because youalready told me the animals were a no fly zone, and I'm not even surethe winged dude is into that kind of thing.

God: Look, one day, you and Eve will procreate, creatingnations of both women and men. It may come to pass that a man, like yourself, may lie with another man, and I just wanted to let you know that-
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-29 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 53 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788360 A Freshman Pictures His Last High School Party Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788360 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
I spot Tracey Sommers across the room. We lock eyes and approach each other, probably in slo-mo.
I spot Tracey Sommers across the room. I yell her named loudly to get her attention. My voice cracks.
Tracey: Hey Brian! Good to see you!
Tracey: Hey... Brett? Did I invite you?
Me: You too. Sorry I'm late.
Me: You did not. I found an invite in the trash.
Tracey: I still can't believe you got Third Eye Blind to play my party.
Tracey: Weren't you the guy who said he could get Third Eye Blind to play my party?
Me: Yeah, they're old friends of my uncle. Excuse me for one second.
Me: Yeah, my uncle is a lying sack of shit. Excuse me for one second.
I go onstage to play lead guitar for "Jumper". I finish with a sweet guitar solo and flawless back-flip.
I feel sick and try to casually walk away. I trip over Tracey's glass coffee table, destroying it and her stereo.
Tracey: That was amazing!
Tracey: That- that looked really painful.
Me: It's nothing. Just something I picked up during the six weeks of guitar lessons I got for my 17th birthday.
Me: I think I need to go to the hospital.
Tom, Tracey's ex-boyfriend, enters.
Tom, Tracey's boyfriend, enters.
Tom: Oh man, I'm sorry I made that up horrible nickname for you. You're actually a pretty cool guy.
Tom: Oh man, period-face totally ate it.
Tracey: Agreed. Also, since all your acne cleared up last week, you look a lot like that guy from Dawson's Creek.
Tracey: Shit, the cops are here.
"Semi-Charmed Kind Life" plays in the background. Tracey and I make out, with tongue.
The destroyed stereo plays nothing. Tracey and Tom flee the premises.
Tracey: Let's have lots of no-strings-attached sex before we leave for college.
ER Doctor: You're spending the summer indoors.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-23 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 46 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776829 GI Joe Recruitment Posters Thu, 04 Jun 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776829 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Why I Would Be More Inclined To Join GI Joe Over Other Branches Of The Military.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-04 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 400 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776683 Evolution vs. Creationism Simplified Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776683 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

EVOLUTION, as understood by a Creationist:

A few hundred years ago, deep in the jungle, a girl monkey goes into labor.

Monkey Boyfriend: You can do it, sweetie.

With a loud monkey noise, she gives birth.

Monkey Doctor: It's a new species!

Monkey Boyfriend: We'll call it humans. 

An elderly fish enters, pats the chimpanzee on the back.

Fish: I'm proud of you, son.

Monkey Boyfriend: Thanks, dad.

(SIDE NOTE: The monkeys are not married.)

Years later, the human boy is cornered by some predators.

Human boy: Crap. Better evolution-ize.

The boy evolves some laser eyes, or possibly wings. He easily defeats all the predators. 
 
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-15 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 437 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775958 Six Movies You Should Only Watch While Stoned Mon, 18 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775958 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Why It Sucks:  
How to kill a multi-billion dollar superhero franchise? Camp, rubber nipples, and enough homoeroticism to sink a frat house full of bodybuilders. Also, bat-skates. It would take Chris Nolan's dark, gritty reboot The Dark Knight to make Batman a billionaire again. (Also, to make people instantly sick of the phrase "dark, gritty, reboot.")

Why It's Good High:
An Oscar-winning performance, a compelling narrative, and meditations on the nature of right and wrong. Bright colors, cartoonishly exaggerated set pieces, Alicia Silverstone's cleavage. One of these lists spells "stoner bait", the other has Maggie Gyllenhal whining so much that you just want someone to tie her to a chair and set her on fire (too soon?). If you need any more convincing of B&R's unique charms:




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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-18 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 146 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774847 History Altered By The Presence Of Giant Robots Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774847 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> -Genesis 2:4

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men's giant robots are created equal, with the exception of our new, American giant robots, equipped with plasma cannons, which we will soon use to throw off the iron shackles of British oppression. And to destroy their giant robots, which may also be made of iron."
-The 1st Continental Congress, 1776
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-30 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 26 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774269 The Teabagging Effect: Upcoming Republican Protests Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1774269 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-17 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 359 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773882 Scrooge McDuck, CEO Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773882 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-14 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 200 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773323 A Recent Letter From Marty To Doc Brown Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1773323 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Pat "Handsome" Cassels.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-04-08 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 168 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771895 The Seven Girls You'll Date In College Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771895 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The Beginning:
Maybe you were good at sports, maybe you always sucked, but a semester of 4am burritos hasn't helped either way. She'll be cute, blonde, and look better in track shorts than she does make-up. Through careful deception, you'll convince her you can still play intramural soccer sans heart attacks.

The End: 
This, of course, is a lie, and you'll both discover that, in the strictest animal-eating/shelf-building sense, she's more of a man than you. You'll have fun, but as soon as you try to keep up with her on the field (and elsewhere), she'll be forever left with an image of you, wheezing, doughy, and begging her to slow down.


The Beginnng:
Scene: An awful club with a one-word name like "Velour" or "Prolapse". You hate places like this. She's skinny, tanned, and seems to be wearing a confusing handkerchief. She starts talking to you. You love places like this. Your friend's a promoter or a DJ, whichever is cooler? She offers pills, and you desperately wonder if there's a non-alphabetical difference between "E" and "X".

The End:
A few months later, you'll be broke, exhausted, and starting to resemble Christian Bale from "The Machinist". She'll pout, amused by your misery, and you'll suddenly identify strongly with those sleepy YouTube puppies. Before even remembering if the sex was good, you'll be dreaming of a world where naps are worth more than gold. Also, dinosaurs with lightsabers.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-12 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 547 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />