CollegeHumor: Comments by Ben Joseph http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924356 CH Live: NYC - Morgan Murphy Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:02:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924356 CH Live: NYC - Morgan Murphy nonadult comedy Morgan Murphy proves that sometimes women can be the worst womanizers of all. ch originals, collegehumor live nyc, morgan murphy, chlive, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1924356"><img src="http://2.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/1/collegehumor.ca3d3cf6f49b95071514a92161d6bba4.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 123 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923979 Hardly Working: Metaphorical Preacher Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923979 Hardly Working: Metaphorical Preacher nonadult comedy Let he who is without lunch cast the first stone. ch originals, hardly working, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923979"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/9/collegehumor.c7ad79496f813c27f5578ff9c4b35836.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 405 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792632 How Zombies Learned to Run Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792632 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS...

Victim: AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!

Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS!

Zombie #2: Mark.

Zombie #1: Shhh, I'm trying to stay focused here. BRRAAAAIINNNS!!

Zombie #2: Mark that guy is getting away from us, like, really easily.

Zombie #1: Dude I know. Who would've thought a middle-aged used car salesman could suddenly turn into frickin' Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt when he was alive, I mean. Zombie Usain Bolt is slower than me somehow.

Zombie #2: But that guy's just... he's just walking briskly.

Zombie #1: I know! It's like, where's the fire, asshole? I mean, there's fires all over the place, but you know what I mean. *Sigh* C'est la vie. We'll get the next one.

Zombie #2: Mark, I've been thinking.

Zombie #1: How? Your head's barely on.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-28 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 103 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 Nick Frost Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After working with partners Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright to create a successful British sitcom (Spaced) and two hit feature films
(Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), Nick Frost now appears as '60s DJ Doctor Dave in the upcoming Pirate Radio. He's also a charming, soft-spoken Brit, and I encourage you to read this interview with his voice in your head.

Your character in this film, Dave, could be quite the sexual role model for full-figured men.

I think I'm going to be asked to appear on the cover of "All American Bear".  It's pretty brave of Richard (Curtis, the director) to cast a 20 stone man in a romantic role. It's not everyday you get to just wander around naked and people don't give a sh*t.

Tom Sturridge (the film's lead) said the one scene he'd always remember was being naked with you in a tiny boat bathroom.

If you had to show an alien race how different the human form can be I think Tom would be at one end and I'd be at the other. If you get the Blu-Ray version and pause, you will see a sliver of nut. Two hands couldn't contain my range.

This film is a love letter to 1960s rock. Were you familiar with the era's music?

Growing up, my big love was house music. I was 15 or 16, going to raves and not going to school like naughty boy. In the first week of the film, I said to Richard, "I've never listened to a Rolling Stones record, don't tell anyone." And he immediately told Bill Nighy - he's a massive Stones nut - and Bill told me off for 5 minutes.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-23 11:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 56 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 Nick Frost Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793344 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> After working with partners Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright to create a successful British sitcom (Spaced) and two hit feature films
(Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz), Nick Frost now appears as '60s DJ Doctor Dave in the upcoming Pirate Radio. He's also a charming, soft-spoken Brit, and I encourage you to read this interview with his voice in your head.

Your character in this film, Dave, could be quite the sexual role model for full-figured men.

I think I'm going to be asked to appear on the cover of "All American Bear".  It's pretty brave of Richard (Curtis, the director) to cast a 20 stone man in a romantic role. It's not everyday you get to just wander around naked and people don't give a sh*t.

Tom Sturridge (the film's lead) said the one scene he'd always remember was being naked with you in a tiny boat bathroom.

If you had to show an alien race how different the human form can be I think Tom would be at one end and I'd be at the other. If you get the Blu-Ray version and pause, you will see a sliver of nut. Two hands couldn't contain my range.

This film is a love letter to 1960s rock. Were you familiar with the era's music?

Growing up, my big love was house music. I was 15 or 16, going to raves and not going to school like naughty boy. In the first week of the film, I said to Richard, "I've never listened to a Rolling Stones record, don't tell anyone." And he immediately told Bill Nighy - he's a massive Stones nut - and Bill told me off for 5 minutes.
Keep Reading
]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-23 11:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 56 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923177 Jake and Amir: Oh Sheesh Y'all Thu, 15 Oct 2009 14:36:58 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923177 Jake and Amir: Oh Sheesh Y'all nonadult comedy ...Twas a shirt! jake and amir, ch originals, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1923177"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.cc3b270ebba38aa9d14ce2eab53d19c2.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 322 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921869 CH Director's Commentary: Honest College Ad Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921869 CH Director's Commentary: Honest College Ad nonadult comedy Sam and Rosie take you inside Quendelton State. ch originals, college, honest, directors commentary, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921869"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/4/collegehumor.969a2a2176d8fcc94e2abfc48e12eecf.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 66 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921799 Tubthumping with Julia Nunes and Jake and Amir Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:42:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921799 Tubthumping with Julia Nunes and Jake and Amir nonadult comedy Internet ukulele sensation Julia Nunes lets Jake and Amir butcher one of her covers. julia nunes, ukulele, song, tubthumping, jake and amir, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921799"><img src="http://1.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/6/d/collegehumor.8bc44b56860f6e668285b15de186b80d.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 569 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921803 Jake and Amir: Bozo Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921803 Jake and Amir: Bozo nonadult comedy Learn how to take a joke... to the grave. ch originals, jake and amir, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1921803"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/f/collegehumor.e53530c15cbcbcc33767775fe7710008.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1835268">Jake and Amir</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 515 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920293 The Infinisphereb Tue, 22 Sep 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920293 The Infinisphereb nonadult comedy The worst part of a glowing orb that contains the collected knowledge of human history? Tech support. ch originals, ch sketches, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920293"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/7/8/collegehumor.b6ad0107cce49212a350322808211d0c.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 479 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920954 James Cameron Presents: Fern Gully Fri, 18 Sep 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920954 James Cameron Presents: Fern Gully nonadult comedy Avatar is a rip off? Now I'm only seeing it five times! james cameron, avatar, remix, ch originals, fern gully, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1920954"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/c/collegehumor.7ea77ad95c3fdff77b5546ac9ee581d0.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 74 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791629 Issue One Hundred and Twenty-Five Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791629 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

In color. Actually, two colors: black and white.

In school, I gave 110%. No wonder I failed math.
-Eric Van Der Schlogen
My grandfather winked at me when he told a secret, turns out the secret was that he was having a stroke.
-Will Martin
Most boring super-hero battle ever
Aquaman vs. Storm IN OUTER SPACE.
-Gregory Gorasil
I just had a really nice dinner and a lot of wine at the Space Needle in Seattle. I got so drunk the room felt like it wasn't spinning.
-Evan O'Toole
I wonder how cheerleaders on strike protest.
-The NTC
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/3/collegehumor.32aef8c071da54cebf90f683568f0d30.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-17 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:193715">105%-O-Matic</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1446"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 84 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791336 Study Abroad Ads: Reality vs. Expectations Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1791336 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Learning a language, exploring new cultures, and broadening one's horizons are all really boring reasons to study abroad. Roll-over to see what students really expect overseas.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/e/collegehumor.6f58c00dbbe720bed76d4a9ef3189fa3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-11 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1923137">Owen and Ben</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 651 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790562 5 Useful New Photoshop Filters Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790562 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-27 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1247 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789609 The Time Traveller's Girlfriend Wed, 12 Aug 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789609 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
"I need to borrow $50."

DAY ONE
Rachel wakes up next to Henry.

Rachel: I had a lot of fun last night.

Henry: Before this goes any further, I have to warn you. I was born with a rare genetic disorder that causes me to skip through time. I may disappear for months, even years at at time.

Rachel: That's awful! Let me make breakfast, we can talk about-

The room is empty. Henry is already gone.

WEEK FIVE
Rachel stands on her porch. Henry approaches, dishevelled.

Rachel: Henry! Finally, you're back. You look horrible.

Henry: Yes, the effects of time travel often resemble a hangover.

Rachel: At least you're here. My parents are in town this week, I really want you to meet them.

Henry: Ah, that's this week?
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-12 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 78 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918008 Super Soaker Waterboards Tue, 04 Aug 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918008 Super Soaker Waterboards nonadult comedy The most fun you can have within the confines of the Geneva Convention. ch originals, ch sketches, super soaker, waterboarding, commercial parody, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918008"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/f/collegehumor.3e8d3113e108cbc1c7df9ccff7552942.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:21877">CH Staff</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 462 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788835 5 Literal Movie Posters Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1788835 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Showgirls:

Int: Showgirls Strip Club. A sexy cowgirl finishes her lasso routine.

DJ: All right, fellas, give one last yippee-kai-yay to Veronica!

Customers: Wooo!

DJ: Next up we have.... we have... oh no, oh jesus god no, not again... ahem, I said, next up we have the slim and sexy Cassandra!

Cassandra enters.

Customers: (screams, gagging noises)

DJ:Cassandra is 20 years old and her hobbies include being the only one-legged, no-armed stripper at Showgirls. She's all woman, folks. Well... actually, she's like... thirty-five percent of a woman, but what parts of her the sharks didn't take off are still... are still... please, I don't want to read this...

Customer 1: I think I'm going to throw up.

Customer 2: You just threw up!

Customer 1: I think I'm going to throw up forever.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-07-27 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 256 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1916718 One Man Funkytown Performance Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1916718 One Man Funkytown Performance nonadult comedy This was our friend Dan Klein's audition for a CH Original. He was trying out for the role of Willy Loman in Collegehumor's upcoming production of Death of a Salesman. Needless to say, he got the part. dan klein, funkytown, lib dub, music, audition, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1916718"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/9/collegehumor.6fe64c21c78baa047a6d9d9929e4c5ab.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 428 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776209 Accurate Commencement Program Thu, 21 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1776209 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/b/collegehumor.688014cc4e3f51335e8cf30b65685d54.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-21 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1747720">Owen Parsons</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 345 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775958 Six Movies You Should Only Watch While Stoned Mon, 18 May 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1775958 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Why It Sucks:  
How to kill a multi-billion dollar superhero franchise? Camp, rubber nipples, and enough homoeroticism to sink a frat house full of bodybuilders. Also, bat-skates. It would take Chris Nolan's dark, gritty reboot The Dark Knight to make Batman a billionaire again. (Also, to make people instantly sick of the phrase "dark, gritty, reboot.")

Why It's Good High:
An Oscar-winning performance, a compelling narrative, and meditations on the nature of right and wrong. Bright colors, cartoonishly exaggerated set pieces, Alicia Silverstone's cleavage. One of these lists spells "stoner bait", the other has Maggie Gyllenhal whining so much that you just want someone to tie her to a chair and set her on fire (too soon?). If you need any more convincing of B&R's unique charms:




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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/1/e/collegehumor.19dc6c6166e28b864a1f0ece84a80bf0.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-05-18 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:34106">Ben Joseph</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1236"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 146 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />