=Guy Who Studied Abroad In Rome

• 
  =Guy Who Studied Abroad In Barcelona

• 
  =Guy Who Studied Abroad In London

• 
  =Guy Who Studied Abroad In Amsterdam

• 
  =Guy Who Didn't Study Abroad

• 
  Hey guys, good to finally have the whole crew back together, huh? How was abroad?

• 
  It was pretty awesome man, saw a lot of sights, really felt like I experienced the world.

• 
  Yea man, plus classes were a joke and we partied our faces off.

• 
  Seriously, so much fun. Girls were super easy too.

• 
  Oh man, yea...it was...fun and stuff.

• 
  Cool, cool, well it was kinda quiet here but we made do. What do you guys feel like doin now? Wanna beer?

• 
  Ooh, Keystone? Gross. I only drink beers that come in green bottles. You got any Stella?

• 
  Uhh, no, just this, sorry man.

• 
  Got any vino?

• 
  The fuck...?

• 
  Wine. Do you have any wine? Red, preferably.

• 
  I'll take a shot of Absinthe.

• 
  Got any edibles?

• 
  What the hell is wrong with you guys? No, I don't have any...any fucking vino. Or absinthe. Or any goddamn edibles. If you don't want this beer then I'll just drink it myself.

• 
  Jeez, sorry man. Here, I'll take one, just sorta plug my nose here...

• 
  So you guys hungry? I'm starving. Pizza good?

• 
  Yea sure, is there anywhere around here that serves prosciutto and melon and has a brick oven? I had the best pizza this one time in Capri...

• 
  No I was thinking Pizza Hut or something simple like that...

• 
  Yea man, get, like, 4 XL's. I'm pretty hungry...

• 
  You have seriously fried your brains. Don't procreate. So is Pizza Hut good with you guys?

• 
  They have any small appetizers?

• 
  That would taste delicious to me right now.

• 
  I refuse to eat that shit. Count me out.

• 
  You guys are impossible. Forget it, I'll have some chips or something.

• 
  Crisps, you mean.

• 
  What? Honestly, just go fuck yourself.

• 
  Just sayin is all...

• 
  Anyways, what do you guys feel like doin tonight? There's a party across the street around 10, maybe go to the bars after that?

• 
  10? Um, I was thinking we pregame til like 1:30 and then head out after that.

• 
  Let's go to a club. I really feel like dancing to techno.

• 
  I second that.

• 
  Any good cartoons on?

• 
  Pregame til 1:30? The bars stop serving drinks at 1:45, how is that a good idea at all?

• 
  My Barcelona friends and I would stay out til 5 most nights...

• 
  Then go hang out with them, douche. And dancing? Seriously? I was fine with the v-neck t-shirts, spiked hair, and peacoats, but this Eurotrash shit has got to stop.

• 
  What Eurotrash shit? This is how I am now man.

• 
  Oh really? You're from fucking Minnesota. Are you gonna be wearing skin tight jeans in December? And you, you're from goddamn Oakland. How are you gonna go giggin with that scarf on? Real hyphy man.

• 
  You don't have to be such a dick about it...

• 
  Yea, seriously, just because we experienced some culture and changed because of it.

• 
  Culture? Your parents essentially paid for you to go on vacation in Europe for a few months while you pass it off as school. You got drunk every night and pissed on historic monuments. Then you take a weekend trip to another country and you feel like you were immersed in the culture. Call it sour grapes, but at least I'm keepin it real.

• 
  So what we got to travel on our parents' buck? It was a good time, we saw a bunch of sights...

• 
  Eat good food...

• 
  Party with people from all over the world...

• 
  ...and on the third one, I want half peppers and half pepperoni, just cuz I wanna see how they interact...

• 
  You're just jealous because we had such a better time than you. What was so great about being here?

• 
  (thinks for a minute) Rock Band?

• 
  Ooh, he's got us there.

• 
  Damn, didn't see that one coming. Fair enough, you're right.

• 
  Shotgun drums!

• "So your last name is Goldstein, huh?  Well, congratulations for escaping der Fuhrer's wrath."
  
• Wear a blazer with jorts, claiming you were unsure if this was a formal or casual place.
• "Man, I coulda sworn you were anorexic, but after watching you wolf down that pasta I was clearly wrong.  So, how long have you been bulimic?"
• "My you have lovely lips.  All the better to S my D with, my dear."
• Brag about the fact that you are a level 37 Elf Mage with a +9 Sword of Destiny.  (Sorry, this one should be under 'Foolproof Ways to Seal the Deal.')
  

• "I can't remember; are you the one that likes the "Her Pleasure" or "Ultra Ribbed" condoms?"
• "Man, your O-Face looks pretty stupid...wanna keep going?"
• "Your choice: Creed's or KoRn's Greatest Hits?"
• "Are you into role playing?  Yea?  Ok, how about I be the girl and you be the guy."
• "You wanna try something new?  Ok, here's one I've been practicing on my dog."

Jones’s discovery was published in the magazine Modern Shadower.  It sent shock waves through the shadow puppet community, prompting other adventurous puppeteers to try their "hand" in making their own anatomical parts. Despite these innovator's best efforts, the “hand wang” and “hand scrotum”  both failed miserably- possibly lending gravitas to the staying power of Jones’s discovery.

Cups numbered ten on opposing sides,
Beer flowing like the swelling tides.
Not too much, it is early yet, hold it, hold it:
Pong, pong, pong.

A majestic pyramid laid horizontal, balls soaring,
Gravity paints a furious arc as spheres slice through air,
Whoosh! Clang! Kerplunk.
Rerack twice, whenever is nice… for me.
Bounces are two but can be denied like “shoo, fly. Shoo.”
Pong, pong… pong!

If elbows cross the table, your shot is not able
           to be counted.
As in the velvety darkness of the bedroom,
hos may blow and guys finger, yes, faster now –
But if a made cup should linger,
    an assault could lead you to suffocating words:
“Game Over."

Dry your eyes when no cups remain, 
Arriving fast, the Redemption Train:
      Chugga chugga choo choo, chugga chugga brew.
Climb aboard and do your best,
But if you fail the test, bear the shame –
The “P” pops from lips puckered with pain.
Pong, p-pong, p-p-pong!

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Check out past poems here.