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  • Saturday, Jun 2 2007

  • A Dinner Party

    by Amir Blumenfeld June 02, 2007

    A Busy dinner party. There are five couples. Don and Miranda, Craig and Samantha, Ryan and Veranda, Sanj and Kristina, and lastly Gron and Gristida. Everybody has arrived except for Ryan. They are all sitting to eat dinner.
     
    Gristida: So Veranda, where is Ryan?
     
    Veranda: Oh, he's running late. He should be here—
     
    Ryan: (arriving) Any second!
     
    everybody laughs
     
    Sanj: Ryan! Welcome! Can I get you something to drink?
     
    Ryan: Is your drinking water poisoned? The answer may shock you.
     
    Sanj: Huh? No. It's not... wait, what?
     
    Veranda: Oh, sorry. Ryan is a news promo writer. Sometimes he can't quite turn it off after work. Isn't that right, Ryan? (Smiling Sternly) Turn it off though, right now.
     
    Ryan: Sorry honey. (kisses her forehead) Anybody else hungry!?
     
    Samantha: (coming in with a big bowl) Who wants salad!?
     
    Ryan: Do you or does somebody you know have Prostate Cancer? Why some scientists think the cure can be found in a salad, and not in a lab. At 11.
     
    Miranda: It's not even 8...

    Kristina: Okay! (claps) I am starved! Let's eat.
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  • Friday, May 25 2007

  • Dating For Business Majors: Letter of Recommendation

    by Kevin Corrigan May 25, 2007
    Greetings future business leaders of America! What would you say if I told you that I knew a way you could double your income, increase your benefits and add precious dollars to your retirement fund? Now what if I told you that you could do all of it without leaving your current job? I bet you'd think I'm crazy right? Well I am crazy, crazy about dating!

    Dating is a wonderful networking opportunity available to all business people. It's fun, it's easy and everyones doing it. If you stick with it long enough to get married, it can lead to all of the perks listed above.


    This week's column is about letters of recommendation. Letters of recommendation are important in all aspects of business, but especially in relationships. It's called a relationship for a reason. Being in a relationship is kind of like being on a boat. You wouldn't take someone for a pleasure cruise on your yacht without knowing a little something about them first, right? Of course not! A solid letter of recommendation will let potential partners know that you're a safe partner with which to sail the seas of love. Here's a sample of a good letter of recommendation that I have received in the past:


    _Click For Full Size_

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  • Tuesday, Apr 3 2007

  • I Did Not Make This Photo

    by Neil Padover April 03, 2007

    ...but it's hilarious

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  • Thursday, Feb 8 2007

  • "24" Hero Jack Bauer Races to Prevent a Party Foul

    by Patrick Cassels February 08, 2007

    I need you to listen to me very closely. There's isn't much time. My name isn't important, but I'm a federal agent, and I was invited here by Kevin's roommate. You can check with him for clearance later—he's in the kitchen—but for now you're just going to have to trust me.

    One hour ago an unidentified student managed to elude your doorman and made his way inside this party. A witness claims she saw a guest giving him a high five: I believed he had an inside man. I followed the suspected traitor into the bathroom, handcuffed him to the sink, and shoved a bath towel down his throat before he confessed that the unidentified student was a friend who was previously deported from the party for vomiting into Kevin's aquarium, and that he had conspired to smuggle him back in by telling the doorman the student was "with him," and that he was "solid."

    I have reason to believe this student is capable of an even greater act of destruction than the aquarium defecation. As long as he's free nobody at this party is safe. And you need to know that I will do anything to protect this dorm, and that includes sacrificing everyone here, as well as myself. Do you understand? I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

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  • Monday, Jan 22 2007

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    F*CK!

    by Dan Gurewitch January 22, 2007


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  • Thursday, Dec 7 2006

  • The Gospel According To Jesse

    by Patrick Cassels December 07, 2006


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  • Tuesday, Oct 17 2006

  • Everyday Equations

    by Streeter Seidell October 17, 2006
    Mathematical equations to help you live your everyday life. Compiled with the help of noted left brain thinker, Jeff Rubin and statistical wizard, Intern Chris. The Inverse Tolerance Law: You will dislike your roommate exponentially more for every Scarface poster he hangs on his side of the wall.
    D = amount you dislike your roommate S = number of Scarface posters your roommate hangs on his side of the wall T = average time between hangings (in days)
    The Morgan-Beam Conjecture: You get 8% better at making decisions for every shot you take. If the shot is over 120 proof, this number increases to 12%.
    D = Decision making ability S = a shot you take P(s) = proof of shot
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