In the year 1878 my great great grandfather attempted the world’s first fixed wing flight over the Grand Canyon on a makeshift flying machine he named “The Curious Oyster.” Considering that he was 23 at the time and not married with at least seven children (which was the fashion at the time), his parents were unsurprisingly alarmed that their oldest son might crash and die without leaving any offspring to bear his name. So, to remedy this perceived tragedy, his father got him real drunk one night so that he went home and knocked up his girlfriend at the time, Esmerelda.

Two days later my great great grandfather did crash and die in his attempt to sail over the Grand Canyon. However, Esmerelda became pregnant and nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy she named Lucky. Upon giving birth, she then promptly died (as was also the fashion at the time). Lucky, my great grandfather, grew up to become a WWI hero, fathered a total of eight children, and later died trying to scale the Grand Canyon on his 50th birthday.

And the moral of the story is: Make sure if you build your own aircraft that you’ve installed at least a rudimentary form of three-axis control, which will allow you to steer the craft effectively and maintain its equilibrium. And also, stay the fuck away from the Grand Canyon.

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