Dear Mr. Kingston,
My name is Christopher Rifkin, chairman of Jamaica's Tourism Board. We'd first like to congratulate you on your recent successes, as well as thank you for raising awareness worldwide of the beautiful paradise that is Jamaica! However, we must make one small request as it pertains to the song "Take You There", as we feel you did not live up to the agreement we had put in place when you were commissioned to "write a song about a wonderful Jamaican vacation" (note: we even gave you a rhyme to use, we were very disappointed when that was left out of the final version).
We are more than happy with your characterization of Jamaica as the home to white sand beaches where you're encouraged to live without a care and spend your days "sipping Piña Coladas", as it were. The part of your song that we take most umbrage with is the second half of the chorus- "take you to the slums/where killers get hung". Firstly, it's not even grammatically accurate- how embarrassing! As if that's not reason enough to change it, we at the Tourism Board, feel as though it's just plain mean! So we have taken the opportunity to write a few alternate lines we would encourage you to simply switch with the current, more disparaging remarks about this wonderful tropical paradise:
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