- "I hate fags. They're just so gay."

- "I just thought of a sweet prank: let's bury these chicken bones in the playground so some stupid idiot will think they're dinosaurs or something. Then we'll throw cat food at him!"

- "Whoa! From right here I can see into Molly Taylor's bedroom while she's changing! Awwwweesssooooommeee..."

- "Dude, Noah, instead of building a dirt jump, you should build this like HUGE boat. It'll be so sweet, dude! We can have, like, two of every animal on it, and a kick ass half pipe!"

- "No, you can't ascend into my Super Awesome Treehouse Club. I mean, sure, you've led a life of pure good, but you're a fucking Jew."

- "I just got my first boner!"

- "I got the First Boner."

-Wear a shirt that says "Can you BEER me now?" like you're fourteen and drinking still makes you different and cool

-Dance at 'Indie Rock Dance Night' like everyone is watching and critiquing your clothes, hair, and knowledge of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah lyrics

-Masturbate like you haven't so much as kissed a girl since last fall and if you think really hard, you can probably remember what a vagina feels like

-Steal a bottle of Mad Dog from the drug store like nobody's watching

-Bury your deceased loved one at the haunted pet cemetery like they aren't going to come back as a bloodthirsty monster just like the last several times you tried it

-Eat a McGriddle like you're not going to have severe and explosive diarrhea by the time you get to work

-Dance like nobody's watching like nobody's watching Comedy Central's "Lil Bush"