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  • Monday, Jun 29 2009

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    3 Songs Without Auto-Tune

    by Brian Murphy June 29, 2009



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  • Monday, Sep 29 2008

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    America's Facebook NewsFeed

    by Jason Michaels September 29, 2008


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  • Friday, Feb 29 2008

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    If Tattoo Parlors Had Admitted Me as a 12 Year Old

    by Sarah Schneider February 29, 2008



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  • Friday, Feb 15 2008

  • What Movies Teach Me

    What 'Teeth' Taught Me

    by Sarah Schneider February 15, 2008


    1) All guys are creeps. Gynecologists are creeps, step brothers are creeps, guys in high school are creeps, and even guys who have sworn to celibacy are creeps. The only way to teach them not be creeps is to sleep with them, and bite their dicks off with your vagina.

    2) "I haven't jerked off since Easter" is not a suitable reason for a girl to have sex with you. Additionally, answering the phone while having sex and bragging to one of your buddies will probably get your dick bitten off by a vagina.

    3) When your dick gets bitten off by a vagina, a few things happen. First, you feel pain. Then, disbelief. Then, you look down at the stump where your penis used to be and go into shock. Next, you STOP RAPING PEOPLE.

    Learn any valuable life lessons from a movie lately? Send your experiences to whatmoviesteachme@gmail.com and if you're lucky I'll post them.

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  • Thursday, Feb 14 2008

  • The Day After Valentine's

    by Jeff Rosenberg February 14, 2008
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  • Friday, Dec 28 2007

  • Truth In Food Labels

    by Streeter Seidell December 28, 2007

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  • Friday, Dec 14 2007

  • Teenage Hitler defines his style

    by December 14, 2007




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  • Wednesday, Dec 20 2006

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    MapQuest Helps You Find The Clitoris

    by Dan Gurewitch December 20, 2006


    Maneuvers
    Distance
    1:
    		   Start out going SOUTH on the NECK towards CLEAVAGE.
    2.1 inches
    2:
    		   Follow the ROUNDABOUT around the LEFT BREAST.
    5.4 inches
    3:
    		   Take the 2nd EXIT towards RIGHT BREAST / SIDEBOOB / ARMPIT.
    3.1 inches
    4:
    		   Follow the ROUNDABOUT around the RIGHT BREAST.
    5.4 inches
     
    5:
    		   RIGHT BREAST becomes TORSO.
    .3 inches
    6:
    		   Merge onto HAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SOUTH via exit 14B on the LEFT towards BELLY BUTTON (Portions toll).
    10.5 inches
    7:
    		   Continue to follow HAIRWAY TO HEAVEN SOUTH (crossing into MONS PUBIS).
    2.2 inches
    8:
    		   Take the VULVA exit – exit 19 – towards LABIA MAJORA / LABIA MINORA / ANUS.
    .1 inches
    9:
    		   Keep RIGHT to take I-90 E / MASSACHUSETTS TURNPIKE toward N.H.-MAINE / BOSTON.
    84 miles
    10:
    		  Turn RIGHT.
    < .1 inches
    11:
    		   Turn LEFT.
    <.1 inches
    12:
    		   Turn RIGHT.
    <.1 inches
    13:
    		   Turn LEFT.
    <.1 inches
    14:
    		   End at ANUS.
     
    15:
    		  APOLOGIZE.
    .2 minutes
    16:
    		   Turn RIGHT.
    <.1 inches
    17:
    		   Turn RIGHT to follow VULVA NORTH towards CLITORIS.
    1.6 inches
    18:
    		   End at CLITOR -
     
    19:
    		   Turn LEFT.
    <.1 inches
    20:
    		   Turn RIGHT.
    <.1 inches
    21:
    		  Turn LEFT.
    <.1 inches
    22:
    		   End at CLITORIS, VUL -
     
    23:
    		   Turn LEFT.
    <.1 inches
    24:
    		  Turn RIGHT.
    <.1 inches
    25:
    		   End at CLITORIS, VULVA, US
     

    Total Est. Time: 11 minutes, 42 seconds
    Total Est. Distance: 84 miles, 3.2 bases

    Advanced Options
    Shortest Route
    Shortest Time (Less Lubricated)
    Avoid Tolls
    Avoid Foreplay
    Avoid Humiliation
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  • Monday, Dec 11 2006

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    Anatomy of a One Night Stand

    by Sarah Schneider December 11, 2006


    The way you sleep during a one night stand can say a lot about your feelings towards the situation…

    		 Wow, this actually feels nice. I could see this maybe going somewhere. But more importantly, if I’m really quiet I think I can stick it in again while she’s still sleeping.
    		God dammit. I KNEW I shouldn’t have ignored the fact that she had more armpit hair than me. Or that half-formed ballsac.
    		Ohhh crap. Oh crap oh crap oh crap. I can’t believe I used the ‘let’s be more than just friends’ line to get laid. Or the ‘you understand me better than anyone else’ line. Or the ‘I want you to be my girlfriend after this’ line.
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  • Wednesday, Nov 29 2006

  • The Graphic Truth

    Graphic Truth


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  • Monday, Nov 27 2006

  • Origins of AIM Profile Quotes

    by Dan Gurewitch November 27, 2006
    "Dance like nobody's watching, love like you've never been hurt." "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." We've all seen the same horrific phrases in girls' AIM profiles. But where did these nauseating nuggets come from? Here, we examine the origins of four common profile quotes.
    Print Advertisement, 1996:
    Newspaper Headline, 1981:
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  • Wednesday, Nov 15 2006

  • The Graphic Truth

    Cause and Effect


    Sometimes when we drink a lot we don't realize what effect it's having on our lives. Well here's a helpful chart to give you an idea. At least for the short term effects.
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  • Friday, Nov 10 2006

  • CollegeHumor Classic

    The Real Life Mushroom Kingdom

    by Jeff Rubin November 10, 2006



    Ever wonder where new Mario levels come from? Before starting work on a new game, the programmers search for inspiration around the globe. For instance,








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  • Wednesday, Nov 1 2006

  • Words My T-9 Pretends Not to Know

    by Jake Hurwitz November 01, 2006
    Penis :: Semis Vagina :: vaginb Dick :: dial Dingleberry :: dingleadspx Blumpkin :: altojim Anal :: coal Butthole :: cuttinld Swastika :: swarvija Grundle :: grumelf Sharted :: shastde Weiner :: weimes Jizz :: kixy Chanukah :: chantjag Tequila :: testila Handjob :: handlna Autofellatio :: Autoedklauin Rimming :: Phoning Bukkake :: bulkale Choad :: Choce Gonorrhea :: hoopsgea Queef :: Steed Smegma :: sodina Transvestite :: tranqufruite Nunchucks :: munchtals Dildo :: Dilem Tampon :: tanson Smallpox :: smallsmy Derek Jeter :: Derek lever Porn :: poro Roofies :: somehdr Whatever, T-9.
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  • Monday, Oct 2 2006

  • OMG GUESS WHO DIED :(

    by Ricky Van Veen October 02, 2006
    If there's one thing that Steve Irwin's death a few weeks ago taught us (besides the dangers of swimming with stingrays), it's that you can instantly tell the importance of a celebrity by whether you would text your friends if you found out that person died. So here's my personal list, which I've divided into three categories.
    TextworthyNot TextworthyMaybe If I'm Drunk

    Will Ferrell
    Robin Williams
    Dax Shepard

    Paul McCartney
    Jewel
    J.C. Chasez

    Jon Stewart
    Kurt Loder
    Carson Daly

    Bill Gates
    Donald Trump
    Orville Redenbacher

    Britney Spears
    Kelly Osbourne
    Shania Twain

    Dr. Dre
    Avril Lavigne
    The dude from Creed

    Osama Bin Laden
    Tony Blair
    Janet Reno

    Tiger Woods
    Andre Agassi
    Mankind the wrestler

    Subway Jared
    "Can you hear me now?" guy
    Dell Kid

    Bob Saget
    Suzanne Somers
    The guy who Played Carl Winslow

    Adam Sandler
    Rob Schneider
    Shooter McGavin
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  • Wednesday, Sep 27 2006

  • Screech's Sex Tape

    by CH Staff September 27, 2006
    Big news everybody, Screech has a sex tape coming out. It's called "Saved By The Smell" and it's currently being shopped around to Larry Flynt and Vivid Video. Luckily for you guys, we got an advanced copy, and these are the highlites:
  • 02:41 - An unseen audience reacts to the moment of penetration with an "ooooooooooooooooh."
  • 03:14 - Dustin's voice cracks while ordering one of the girls to lick him "crack to sack."
  • 10:01 - Before performing fellatio on him, Dustin orders girl #2 place a picture of Lark Vorheeves over her face with the mouth hole cut out.
  • 14:22 - Screech demands one of the girls call him Belding. When she reluctantly agrees, he slaps her across the face and tells her she has a month's worth of Saturday detentions.
  • 22:21 - On the urging of Mark Paul Gosselaar, Dustin concocts a series of zany lies to explain his inability to maintain an erection. As his wacky cover story begins to spin out of control, he eventually contradicts himself and the farce is exposed.
  • 25:15 One of the girls asks if they can do it to the rhythm of Zack Attack's "Friend's Forever." Dustin angrily reminds her that he's Dustin Diamond, not Screech. Resentfully, he agrees.
  • 28:52 - Through a series of comic mishaps Dustin discovers an abandoned radio station hidden behind the wall of his bedroom. He begins to broadcast audio clips of his sexual exploits to the consternation of Dennis Haskins.
  • 32:23 - Mark Paul Gosselaar enters the frame, makes a "T" with his hand and calls "Time Out." Time freezes while he muses on the various humorous aspects of seeing his pal's penis.
  • 33:02 - Screech attempts a sexual maneuver called the "Schlosky Bishop Block." It is unclear whether he is successful.
  • 35:49 Kevin the robot gets in on the action. His participation comes to an abrupt end when he confuses one of the girls with math homework, leading to hilarious consequences.
  • 38:22 - Leah Remini shows up very briefly.
  • 40:03 - They go to a college dorm room and everybody stops watching.
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  • Monday, Sep 18 2006

  • Rejected Name for a Hip-Hop Group

    by Jeff Rubin September 18, 2006
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  • Tuesday, Sep 12 2006

  • This Week's Cheerleader We Totally Have A Crush On: Carrie P.

    by Ricky Van Veen September 12, 2006
    Carrie P., Senior, Ohio State Hometown: Centerville, OH Major: Commercial Interior Design What's your favorite drink? Long Island Ice Tea / Margarita (tie) What's something I wouldn't know just by looking at you? I really don't like guys that are cocky/rude or overly muscular. I secretly hope to be on Saturday Night Live someday. I may be five foot nothing, but I would never bet against me in a fight.
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  • Wednesday, Sep 6 2006

  • Lindsay Lohan Going Commando

    by Streeter Seidell September 06, 2006
    Forget Suri Cruise. Forget the new Facebook. Our friends over at Egotastic have what will prove to be the biggest thing to ever hit the Internet: Lindsay Lohan's downstairs. This is one of those pivotal moments in human history like walking on the moon or when Takeru Kobayashi ate more than 50 hot dogs at the 4th of July Hot Dog-a-Thon. Early predictions about the effect these pictures will have on the world are overwhelmingly positive: reduced greenhouse gasses, cheaper oil prices and an end to Middle Eastern violence, to name a few. Of course, they could just be photoshops... decide for yourself. UPDATE: Bummer...
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    • David Trawin AIPH

    About Me

    I'm a fantastic dancer (dance machine - if you will)
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