I'm really funny, and I'm also Jewish. Sometimes people want to test my threshold for humor, and ask me if I think Holocaust jokes are funny. I often respond by saying "no." Those people think the reason that I don't like their joke is because I'm offended, but really it's because those jokes aren't particularly clever. They're joke structures are on par with the knock-knock joke. I'm not laughing because I'm a humor elitist, but I can imagine a group of people who wouldn't laugh for a completely different reason...
[Cut To: A Clandestine Meeting.]
"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."
Orville! Come over here.
What is it Grand Wizard?
You can't be making jokes like that.
Oh, really? Has the chapter gotten soft? Has the Jewish Defense League been making threats? C'mon it's just a joke, we hate Jews, remember?
Yeah, but your joke presupposes the existence of the Holocaust.
Huh?
It reminds people that Jews were actually put into ovens. How can they be put into ovens, if it didn't happen?
Um, maybe it's a coincidence.
No! You can't tell jokes like that anymore at the Holocaust Deniers Association.
NEXT WEEK
"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Pizzas aren't responsible for all of the problems in the world."
Ha Ha Ha, he finally gets it!
[I like the image of a long-haired hillbilly with his palms up and shoulders shrugged giving an Alfred E. Neuman "What Me Worry?" smile.]
No Venn Diagram Necessary
Free Robes versus Mind Control
Free Bumper Stickers versus a Systematic Program of Indoctrination
Free Pizza versus Salvation through Mass Suicide
Wait, what kind of Pizza?
An Academic Thesis is always impressive, mostly because of it's title. You can impress naive grad students into thinking you are an intellectual just by explaining everything you're into, in a highly exalted way. I'm into Rap music, so I always tell unsuspecting doctoral candidates that I wrote my dissertation on "Third World Appropriations of Hip Hop Culture as a means for Social Revolution."
If your title is written to a suitable level of grandiloquence they won't ask further questions. I've written some essay titles based on topics you might be interested in. Feel free to use these while flirting with your TA.
If you are into Keg Stands...
Going Vertical: An Inquiry into how the Inverted Imbibing of Carbonated Alcoholic Beverages is Beneficial Towards the Participant's Composition
If you are into Pizza...
A Contemporary Manna: The Food of Life
If you are into Date Rape...
Does No, Really Mean No?: Redefining Concepts of Consensus
If you are into Fart Jokes...
A Lethal Wind: An Exploration into the Jocularity of Flatuence
If you are into Chiefings/Shamings...
Epidermic Cartography: The Mapping of One's Evening as Described by the Markings on Their Skin.
Remember the three rules of an impressive essay title: Long words, Long sentences, Disregard grammar advice from Word.
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