Dude, last night was fucking crazy!
Yeah, I remember dancing with some chick at Froggies, and then knocking over a traffic cone, but I think I blacked out after that.
You don't remember what happened after that?
No, I woke up on Rob's couch.
No recollection?
Oh shit, did I hook up with that fat chick?
Um.
Oh MY GOD, was she actually a dude?
No, Brian, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm going to just say it. Last night after the bars, you ran for president.
Huh? Of the school?
Of the United States.
WHOA. Did I win?
That's the bad news dude. You lost.
Well we have to contest the election, I just wasn't myself last night. Call my campaign manager and have them hold a press conference.
Dude, I am your campaign manager.
LOL.
[LATER THAT AFTERNOON]
My fellow Americans, it has come to my attention that over the last few hours I have run for president on a platform that I was unaware of. Let me tell you about my politics. I stand firmly for universal healthcare, a woman's right to choose, and yes to an open bar at all political functions. Never again will you as an attendee have to pay for a gin and tonic, though tips would be great appreciated. Are there any questions?
Mr. Next President of the United States, you have a dick drawn on your forehead.
Thank you for your input. I'll bring that up with my council of advisors.
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