CollegeHumor Updates by Scott Bennett

CollegeHumor Updates by Scott Bennett http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761411 CollegeHumor Movie Review: College Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761411/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Don't laugh, this was the original poster for Saw V

Ahhh, Can you smell that in the air? Plastic cups and ping-pong balls fresh out of the packaging and the clean lemony-piney aroma of a brand new (cleaned heavily to hide various human fluids to appear new) dorm room just waiting to be broken in with another full year of good old fashioned debauchery. Its Orientation Week '08, and that means this week we're taking a look at the new movie in theatres this week, College.

As you may have seen from the previews, College follows three High School seniors who go on a road trip to spend orientation week at Fieldmont University, where hilarity ensues.

First of all, something about this movie that dawned on me almost instantly in the theater is that it's been done before. Now, now, don't jump to conclusions and get me wrong; I'm not some kind of brainless idiot here to complain about another college genre movie. Every kind of movie has been done before about a million times, and when they're done right they're hilarious. That's not what I'm talking about. Animal House, Old School, American Pie and Road Trip are all college genre movies but all stand out for different reasons.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Aug 31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760919 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Rocker Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760919/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

If you stare at his crotch for 30 seconds with unblinking eyes, the hidden unicorn image appears

Out in theaters this week is the new comedy starring Rainn Wilson, The Rocker. Anyone who is a fan of The Office (myself included) will recognize Wilson as the hilariously weird Dwight Schrute. Aside from The Office, I haven't seen Wilson in too much else, so I can at least say it was a nice change of pace to see him in a role where he isn't constantly creeping me out.

...But enough sunshine and lollipops, let's cut to the chase: this movie heaves. OK, maybe that's a little too strong of a statement, but when I go to see a comedy, is it too much to ask that I laugh every now and then? It's a cutesy story with a really happy ending, but I just didn't laugh when I know that it wanted me to.

The premise itself isn't bad; let me lay it on you.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Aug 21 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760808 Top 10 Songs I Can Never Listen To The Same Way Again Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760808/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> #10
Song: "Trust", by Prince
Reason: Parade float scene, Batman (1989)
Not that I listened to this song all that much to begin with, but it still applies to the list. Tim Burton's Batman is a classic, but watching it after the recent wave of new age superhero movies makes you realize how completely ridiculous some of its scenes truly were. Heath may be always remembered as the creepiest Joker, but Jack is no doubt the silliest. The parade scene is by far the funniest part of the movie, and after seeing it a million times it's gotten to the point where if I even hear the interlude to Prince's "Trust" I'll picture that ridiculous clown balloon peeking around the street corner and immediately burst out laughing.

#9
Song: "Bad Day", by Daniel Powter
Reason: RIP Keith Ledger Youtube Video
I still don't know the source of this internet-wide joke, but purposefully calling Heath Ledger "Keith Ledger" for the purpose of sending die hard fans into an anger frenzy doesn't seem like it will ever not be funny. Reading the mile-long list of angry Youtube comments over this video is even funnier with the 'sincere' background music playing, and now the piano interlude alone is enough to send me into a laughing fit.

#8
Song: "O, Fortuna", by Carl Orff
Reason: Jackass: The Movie (2002)
I'm sure that if German composer Carl Orff knew his orchestral masterpiece (which was inspired by the deep, moving poetry of the 13th century) made people not think of the struggle of mankind, but rather Chris Pontius in a banana hammock, he could've died a happier man. The worst part is that this song and the opening/closing sequence match up so perfectly its almost like they were meant for each other. Someone needs to give that editor a medal.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Aug 19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 64 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760586 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Tropic Thunder Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760586/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

This pic makes Smokey the Bear cry inside

Welcome back! This week we're taking a look at the suddenly controversial Tropic Thunder (which is totally my new name if I ever decide to become a Mexican league wrestler). As many of you already know, the film stars Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. as a group of variously 'talented' actors attempting to make the greatest Vietnam-era war movie of all time. That's the short version. Now here's all the nitty-gritty stuff that you all seem to like so much.

Tropic Thunder isn't a random 'here have some puns' comedy. Sure it has its fair share, but it's more than just that. The entire movie is a gigantic joke playing on the many reasons why Hollywood sucks Dumb, over the top, whiny actors with super inflated ego's, richer than God producers who don't care about anything other than the profit margin of their films, and the insanity of how it all comes together at the worst possible times on a Hollywood set. Also, explosions.

Here's how they play it out.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Aug 14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 33 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760538 Athlete Matchups Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760538/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Now that Michael Phelps is an Olympian athlete of unheard proportions, let's take a close look at the efforts behind the man and how his daily training compares with the routines and actions of all our other favorite present-day sports stars.

Breakfast

Michael Phelps:(in correlation with 8,000-10,000 calorie per day diet) 3 sandwiches of fried eggs, cheese, lettuce, tomato, fried onions and mayo, 1 omelet, abowl of grits, 3 slices of french toast, and some chocolate chip pancakes.

Mike Tyson: Smoked sausage, cooked ham, protein shake, dreams of others, small children

Michael Vick: Bread, water, a freshly tossed salad

Takeru Kobayashi: An entire Denny's

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, Aug 13 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 98 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760295 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Pineapple Express Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760295/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Guys look, we found a fog machine!

Let me say right now, this movie is up against some steep competition. First of all, with The Dark Knight still in theaters and becoming more valuable by the day than many small, island countries, it's hard to consider going to see anything else. Secondly, this movie has some big shoes to fill in the 'weed comedy' department. Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke, Half Baked, Dazed and Confused, Harold & Kumar go to White Castle, and even Super Troopers (which is more of a cop humor movie, but still plays the weed element excellently) have all made lasting impressions on the big screen, and rank up pretty well on my personal list of favorite movies. Does Pineapple Express have what it takes to stand out as a solid weed movie?

You better believe it.

Now, I don't want you to confuse me with someone who tosses out good compliments at a movie just because it's "expected to be good". Aside from the majority of compliments received, I did receive a few death threats regarding my review for the much anticipated Hancock. So when a movie comes out starring and written by the funny Seth Rogen, produced and partially written by Judd Apatow as well as Evan Goldberg from Knocked Up and Superbad fame, is it expected to be good? Naturally, but as any 2007 Patriots fan can tell you, always remember that success is never automatically guaranteed by what you have on paper.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Aug 7 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760285 Chad Pennington Updates his Facebook Status Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760285/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Aug 7 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 79 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759702 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Step Brothers Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759702/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Oddly enough, this is less awkward than my family portrait.

First off, a quick thank you to everyone who participated in the epic discussion of last week's review for The Dark Knight. In depth conversations for excellent movies was one of the many reasons this article was started, so thanks to everyone who made the threads as big as they were.

In theaters this weekend is Will Ferrell's new comedy, Step Brothers. The movie was Directed and co-written by Adam McKay, the yin to Ferrell's yang, who also wrote/directed Anchorman, Talladega Nights, and Internet sensation, The Landlord. Ferrell co-wrote, and stars alongside John C. Reilly as two boys who never grew up, still living with their single parents at age 40.

Lets get something straight right here: Will Ferrell used to be hilarious, but has been on a slow, annoying, downward slope after leaving SNL, playing basically the exact same character in every movie he's done. He is in a sense, dangerously close to turning into a white version of Eddie Murphy, but without the tranny scandals. It's not all bad, though. Anchorman deserves every bit of praise it has ever received for being an excellent comedy, but Elf, Kicking & Screaming, Bewitched, Curious George, Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory, and Semi-Pro (damn that's a long list) are nothing more than sad attempts at trying to live up to the greatness and popularity of Anchorman.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jul 27 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759310 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Dark Knight Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759310/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

This symbol was derived from an old Roman diety, the God of 'Epic Win'

I'm going to start off this weeks article with a moment of disturbing realism that many of us may be afraid to admit to. On January 22nd 2008 when Heath Ledger died due to an accidental overdose, about 95% of people reacted to the news in this manner: "Oh my God...did they finish The Dark Knight?" The level of anticipation for this movie has been just as high as, or higher than any other film in recent memory. Batman Begins was a movie that not only redeemed the entire Batman franchise from such horrific failures as Batman and Robin, and Batman Forever, but also redefined the comic book movie genre by adding levels of intense realism, dark protagonist character conflict, and situations concerning the morality of man.

Everyone has been sitting on pins and needles over this movie for the past 3 years, and why not? There's a lot that has been hanging in the balance. Is it possible that this movie will be able to stand up to the greatness of Batman Begins? Or will it be a gross disappointment that tarnishes the series we fell in love with, like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3, and Spider-Man 3? Will Heath Ledgers acting stand out since the last great portrayal of the Joker; Jack Nicholson in the 1989 Batman?

Gather 'round, children, and lets find out.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Saturday, Jul 19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 125 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759109 Gotham City's Job Postings Over the Years Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759109/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jul 15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 80 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758992 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758992/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Don't be afraid, he's just aerating his lawn

It's time for a get together with everyone's favorite muscular, cigar puffing, profane friend who's obsessed with kittens and daytime TV. No, I ain't talkin about your Grandma, it's Hellboy, and this weekend he's back in theaters for the visual packed sequel, Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

You may know the director, Guillermo del Toro (who looks like a jollier, nerdier Michael Moore) from his signature directing style; making movies with more stunning, dreamlike visuals than you can shake a stick at " Blade II, Hellboy/Hellboy II, and Pan's Labyrinth. To be quite honest, I wasn't that big a fan of the first Hellboy. The characters were entertaining and very creatively made, but the plot was a bit shaky to say the least, and it felt like del Toro didn't get the chance to maximize his visual potential. I just wasn't feeling it.

I went into the theater with about the same mentality, not really expecting much at all other than a movie I probably would never have seen unless it was playing late at night on TBS. I can definitely say now that I was really surprised by The Golden Army.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Jul 14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 30 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758575 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Hancock Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758575/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Just 'cause he's a bum doesn't mean the man can't have style

Everyone knows that 4th of July weekend belongs to Will Smith. All you have to do is look back at Independence Day, MIB, Wild Wild West, MIB II, and I, Robot just to name a few to realize that Hollywood seriously knows how to bank on an actor as big as Will. Now I've been obsessed with and praising the talents of Will Smith ever since the days of Fresh Prince...and that's exactly why this is going to be so hard. I can already sense the tension in the air from that last sentence. Stay with me guys, breathe deeply, and believe me when I say this:

Hancock is a gigantic disappointment.

Seriously. I'm not talking about being sad because you strolled over to the vending machine and they're out of peanut butter Twix disappointment, I'm talking going to your best friends bachelor party to find out when you get there that the stripper who popped out of the giant cake turned out to be your sister level of disappointment. Now before you turn green and rip your shirts off, let me explain. Almost every question sent to me looked like this -

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jul 6 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 34 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758454 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Wackness Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758454/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Fresh and Delicious Ices comes in 1 award winning flavor: weed

Nowadays, Hollywood fires more gigantic mega million dollar movies at our faces than a crazed cheerleader with a high-powered T-shirt gun. Every now and then a change of pace can be a little refreshing. Enter, The Wackness.

Never heard of it? That's OK, I still hold you in the highest regard. Let me drop some knowledge in your general direction. The Wackness is a comedy that made a splash over at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival by picking up the Audience Award for director Jonathan Levine. The film got picked up and is now being distributed by Sony Pictures Classic for release in the US this July. I was lucky enough to get invited to an advanced screening, where I sat back in the comfiest of chairs and got taken back to a much more simpler time: 1994.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Jul 3 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 17 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758245 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Wall-E Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758245/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

His cute level is over 9000

After a lot of serious thought and scenario consideration, I've decided that the following happened: About 2 years ago, the most powerful people at Pixar sat down at a secret conference table, naturally located 20 miles below the earth's surface, and said "Gentlemen, we've done some good work, but we need to make the end all be all cutest character in the history of animation." Wouldn't ya know it? They succeeded.

Pixar is a movie making juggernaut. Whatever visual MSG they've been putting in their films these past few years has paid off in ways that are probably surprising even to them. It's hard to think that the people responsible for such classics, including probably the greatest animated film of all time, Finding Nemo, can continue making great movies year after year without even breaking a sweat, but they do.

When I first saw the trailers for Wall-E, it looked so damned sugary and cute I thought I'd slip into a diabetic coma halfway through. The movie looked good, but I was nervous it would be too cute...Don't get me wrong, I like cuddling and all that cutesy crap just as much as the next guy, but I half expected to be eating fist-fulls of salt in the theater just to balance out the sweet overload. Thankfully that wasn't the case, and I can say without a doubt that this movie is just plain awesome.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jun 29 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 45 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757932 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Get Smart Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757932/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Summer movie madness continues! In honor of 'The Rock' officially starting to refer to himself in movie credits as 'Dwayne Johnson', we're celebrating (and I use that term lightly) here, by reviewing the classic Mel Brooks TV series adaptation flick, Get Smart.

His tie is covering her face, but this is the best picture out of 87 takes

For those of you who don't know, Get Smart was a comedy TV series back in the '60s created by Buck Henry and comedy legend Mel Brooks, who could make you laugh yourself to death by brushing his teeth if he wanted to. The show satirized the secret agent genre, and focused on a lovable idiot, 'Agent 86' of CONTROL (a US spy agency) named Maxwell Smart, as he did battle with KAOS, the spy agency nemesis of CONTROL.

Usually, TV Show to movie adaptations suck something fierce *COUGH*Charlie'sAngels DukesofHazzard Bewitched*COUGH*, but I've got to admit, Get Smart surprised me.

First things first.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Tuesday, Jun 24 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 25 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757579 A Planeteer Intervention Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757579/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

*Gaia enters the meeting room on Hope Island, several Planeteers are seated and looking confused*

Gaia: I was told there was "urgent news", what is plaguing our beautiful earth this time?

Wheeler: We all got notes saying that there was free cake in the meeting room

*Ma-Ti, the 5th Planeteer enters*

Ma-Ti: Hello everyone, I sent the notes, I wanted to speak to you all about something incredibly important

Kwame: What is wrong Ma-Ti? Is there an oil spill? Is someone dumping toxic waste?

Ma-Ti: No, actually, I wanted to talk about the power of the planeteer rings...

Linka: Have the Eco-villains used their corrupt planet rings to summon Captain Pollution?? We must act quic-

Ma-Ti: No! no no no, it's not that...look, remember last week when we were trying to stop Hoggish Greedly and his pollution cannon? Well I couldn't really do anything to help with my ring. I just feel...like a 5th wheel, you know?

Gi: A 5th wheel? But Ma-Ti, every member of the team is a special thread in the tapestry of-

Ma-Ti: Yeah yeah, don't gimme that "the-more-you-know" crap, Gi. Look I'm tired of beating around the bush, why the hell am I the one who's stuck with the "heart" ring?

*long silence*

Gaia: Stuck? Ma-Ti, you are a valued member of the planeteers, and everyone's ring of power is unique, yet equal in its ability.

Ma-Ti: Cork it, Gaia, you're not even human, you wouldn't understand.

Wheeler: What's to understand?

Ma-Ti: What are you, serious? YOUR ring can control and shoot fire! Gi can control water, Kwame can make earthquakes, Linka can throw hurricane winds, and all I get is the ability to talk to my pet monkey? Yeah that's really helpful in the chaotic BS scenarios that we get into all the time. Oh yeah, and that monkey doesn't defecate in my bed every night or anything.

Kwame: But you are the soul of the team! without you, we couldn't be able to summon captain planet!

Ma-Ti: *mocks voice*butwewouldnbeabletasummoncaptainplanetttt. Look, it's a RING. You can leave it on your pinky finger and get the summoning job done.

Linka: You need to calm down.

Ma-Ti: That's really easy for you to say! When you used your ring to blow all Greedly's pollution out of the air I got slammed in the head by a pipe in the storm debris.

Wheeler: We didn't notice that?

Ma-Ti: I was unconscious for 6 hours!! Why can't I just have a ring with a power that doesn't suck, there are other elements, right? What about lightning? I'm pretty sure that would take care of any problem we'd have to face in like 3 minutes...or ice! I'd even take ice over this!

Gi: But Ma-Ti, Ice is just frozen water, and I already-

Ma-Ti: Oh forget it! None of you understand...I just don't want to be the loser stuck with a loser ring. *starts crying*

Wheeler: Listen Ti-bone...I know how you're feeling...but you shouldn't feel weak, because you're not. We're a team, and no matter how you look at it, you've helped save our butts on tons of occasions. No one person is better than any other, even if it doesn't seem like it. Even the strongest body can't survive without a heart, and in my opinion, that's why the heart ring is the most important of all.

Ma-Ti: *sniffs* Really? I mean..would you wanna switch rings with me for a little bit if that's how you feel?

Wheeler: Hell no, I'm not a pussy.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, Jun 19 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 7 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757376 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Incredible Hulk Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757376/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Laugh at his Canadian tuxedo, I dare you.

There's a special kind of movie experience that every now and then, we all get a craving for. I have officially dubbed this genre, the "$10 whore" movie. Let me explain. Like so many other things in life, going to the movies can be compared to sex. Sometimes, you want it to be a mesmerizing, wonderful experience that you'll cherish and love forever (The Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction, The Godfather, Star Wars). Other times, you're really just not in the mood to go through all the effort to find that special someone. You'd rather just spend a few bucks, sit back, get pleasured for 2 hours in a dark room and know with a smile on your face that it really doesn't mean anything in the long run. It's not love making, but you're OK with that - You're just in the mood to fulfill your basic needs, and there's nothin' wrong with that. My good friends, The Incredible Hulk is just begging to be your whore.

The Incredible Hulk is Marvel's latest "Uhhh the first one was just a practice, you guys, seriously" film. For more on that subject, see: The Punisher. In 2003 Ang Lee (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Brokeback Mountain) directed Hulk, which was about as entertaining as having a pointy stick get crammed into your eye. Ang's Hulk was the first movie ever to drop 70% in theaters on week 2, after opening above $20 million in week 1. So how do you recover from such a bad rep? Take out the 'deep poetry' and put in tons of intense action scenes, CGI brawling and Edward Norton. That sounds about right.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Jun 16 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 39 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756918 Kinds of People You'll Find at the Beach Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756918/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Insanely Hairy Guy - There's at least a few at every beach. You can usually spot them pretty easy from afar, he'll be the guy you think is being eaten alive by ants until you start to get closer. It's bad enough it's 90 degrees out but this man's practically got on an entire sweater. Watching this guy try to put on suntan lotion is like watching someone try and shampoo a hallway carpet, so stay away if you can.

Ridiculously Jacked Black Guy - No matter where you are, there's always at least one. This is the kind of guy that if he wanted to, could probably squeeze you, or compress if you will, into a very small cube, but only if you went out of your way to anger him. Fun game: chug a beer with your friends. Whoever finishes last has to try and bury RJBG in the sand while he's taking a nap. Watch hilarity ensue!

Creepy Ice Cream Guy - Not the guy who works for the official snack stand, the guy who literally walks up and down the beach dragging his K-Mart mini cooler on wheels asking if people want to buy "cheap klondike bar". Avoid eye contact at all costs...that is unless you're really, REALLY hungry, of course.

Underdressed Old Person - Wrong in every possible way that something can be wrong. The last thing you need is to head out for some sun and relaxation just to find some bony, leathery senior flaunting his silver cotton candy out the sides of his neon yellow banana hammock. The best way to avoid seeing this guy is to arrive a little later in the afternoon, he'll be on his way to the nearest early senior dinner special by then.

Very Obese Woman - Not 'slightly pudgy' or 'could stand to lose a little', this woman is so large she gives FUPA a whole new meaning altogether. Due to excessive heat at the beach however, you usually won't encounter this group all too often.

Fully Clothed People - This one is an extremely rare sighting. When you do see one however, you'll always feel the exact same feeling of complete and utter confusion. 97 degrees, intense humidity, and along comes this guy wearing every shred of clothing he could possibly drape over his body. Either they're completely insane, have a rare skin condition, or have bigger balls than anyone else on the planet (and are insane).

Hot Girl - If they didn't go to the beach, then we wouldn't either...after all, you can always just enjoy the sun in your backyard or on the roof,right? Depending on where you are in the country, there will be at least a handful to a lot of Hot Girls showing off their stuff and getting a tan. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. Just remember, tucking under the waistband doesn't work nearly as well in a bathing suit. You know, just FYI.

Beach Bro - They'll talk all yearlong about how soccer isn't a sport and totally for fags, but if there's a ball at the beach you can bet your ass they'll kick it around all damn day! Beach Bro's usually congregate and act tough around the 'Hot Girl' group but will always steer clear of RJBG. They may also be seen taking pictures with 'Underdressed Old Person'

Slow-Motion Lifeguards - If you manage to catch a glimpse of this rare spectacle, you best have a camera ready because you're in for a treat. You won't see them nowadays as much as you used to, but there's a chance that if you swim way too far out and start splashing wildly, one might show up.
(note: Attempt to summon one through previously mentioned method at your own risk...if it pays off though, totally worth it)

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Jun 9 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756861 CollegeHumor Movie Review: You Don't Mess With the Zohan Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756861/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Admit it, you just looked there, didn't you.

Gather 'round boys and girls! It's time for the Adam Sandler comedy tier list.

Top Tier:
Happy Gilmore
Billy Madison

High Tier:
The Wedding Singer
The Longest Yard

Low Tier:
Big Daddy
Little Nicky
Anger Management
Click
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

The Waterboy

I-Don't-Want-To-Talk-About-It Tier:
Mr. Deeds

NOTE: As I said, those mentioned are just the 'comedy tier list'. There's no need to list the others here; we all know Sandler's recent obsession with staring in serious dramas and romances, including his next piece - a Walt Disney film about a man whose bedtime stories that he reads to his niece and nephew start to magically come true. Even if I had slammed my head into the keyboard just now, I could not have come up with a more random collection of words.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, Jun 9 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 27 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756270 CollegeHumor Movie Review: The Foot Fist Way Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:30:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756270/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Tae Kwon Do and Aviators: the ultimate combination

Note: Don't be fooled by the title, this is not, I repeat NOT a porno. On a side note, my apologies to everyone in the theater)

If there's one thing I've known since childhood, especially during my extreme Ninja Turtles phase, it's that physical humor is almost always funny (unless your little brother tells on you of course. Wuss). So a movie about a full-of-himself Tae Kwon Do instructor who has his own dojo at the local mall? Sure, sign me up.

Remember that video that came out a while back with a drunken Will Ferrell arguing with his 2 year old Landlord? That was the first video made by Adam McKay (the guy who wrote Anchorman) and Will Ferrell's production company, 'Gary Sanchez Productions'. The Foot Fist Way came on the scene at the LA film festival where Will Ferrell saw it, decided he liked it, and did what any normal person would do: throw down tons of his own money to get distribution rights to the whole thing under his new production company. LA seems fun.

Anyway, since this is a small time movie going big, its kind of an acquired taste - it's a little like Napoleon Dynamite, except with scenes that are actually funny.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jun 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 16 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756269 CollegeHumor Movie Review: Sex and the City Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756269/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Because nothing says sophisticated like blinging your name across your own chest.

Hey, is The Dark Knight out yet? No? Bah. Anyway, out this weekend in theaters everywhere is Sex and the City, the big screen continuation of the award winning HBO series. The show is one of those things that no one is on the fence about; either you're a faithful fan or you really just couldn't care less about any of it. Regardless of whether you love it or you hate it, it's hard to not notice the impact it's made on society (especially when you read stories like this! Yay immitation!)

[Note: if you do not care about the plot of the movie, skip this paragraph].
Let's be clear for a minute - I have literally never seen one minute of the show. Despite this fact, the plot of the movie was incredibly, incredibly easy to predict. The film stars Samantha Jones (Kim Cattrall), Charlotte York (Kristin Davis), Miranda Hobbes (Cynthia Nixon), and Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) as 4 fashion loving women carrying on their lives from where the show apparently left off. While they're all dealing with the big changes in their lives, Carrie, the narrator, and her guyfriend 'Mr. Big' have made plans to tie the knot. Of course, things go horribly wrong: the wedding doesn't go down, and each girl has to deal with a large personal problem of their own.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Sunday, Jun 1 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 21 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756022 Terminator: The Untold Conversation Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756022/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

*Private Kyle Reese walks into a dark room, where leader John Connor sits with his boots up on a table. Reese grumbles and salutes*

John Connor: "At ease, Private. Listen, I wanted to speak to you about the...intense training going on to toughen up the lesser ranks such as yourself."

Kyle Reese: "Toughen up the lesser ranks?"

John Connor: "Now I know that to you, some of my methods may seem...unorthodox, but I assure you that my only goal is to man up the strongest army imaginable so together we can bring down the machines and reclaim a future for all of humanity."

Kyle Reese: "Sir, you grabbed me by the groin and collar, then shoved me face first into the communal latrine and gave me a swirley in front of all the resistance recruits."

John Connor: "Well yeah, but I mean I'm not doing this for fun - I mean, I'm the destined leader of this war, and putting my own soldiers through hell to give them the extra toughness required to stay on top is only a small price to pay for the resu-"

Kyle Reese: "You were shouting the entire time 'Look everyone! This is completely for fun and is no way involved with the war, take it you dirty, dirty greenhorn'"

*long silence*

John Connor: "Kinda splitting hairs, don't you think?"

Kyle Reese: "I've had it with this damned resistance."

*Reese gets up to leave*

Connor: "Look, we're getting off track. Here, take it easy and have a cigar"

*Reese sits back down*

Connor: "Let's let by-gones be by-gones, deal?"

Reese: "...Deal"

Connor: "Great. Now listen, this is really what I wanted to speak to you about. This is going to sound way out of left field, but I need you to be the one who goes back in time using the technology we've gotten our hands on so you can protect and...um...ensure the safety of everyone's future."

Reese: "What was that?"

Connor: "It's insane I know, but true. The machines have developed time traveling tech and right now are sending a Terminator back to 1984 to assassinate my mother, Sarah Conn-"

Reese: "So basically what you're asking me is, to go back in time and plow your mom?"

*long silence*

Connor: "No...no I need you to go back and PROTECT her from getting killed by the Termina-"

Reese: "Yeah, the guy who gets sent back to 1984 ends up inadvertently creating you with your mother while protecting her from the Terminator."

*Connor is speechless*

Reese: "You blurted it out when you got drunk after the skirmish last week to protect the ammunition stockade."

Connor: "Well....I mean I'm choosing YOU because I've recognized your skill and quick-thinking on the battlefield."

Reese: "Yeah, OR because you finally remembered that the person you sent back was named Kyle Reese."

Connor: "Look that's besides the point. It's not like I haven't known your name this whole time."

Reese: "Really? What about just this morning during inspection while you were scrubbing your taint with my toothbrush and and twisting my nipples when you realized that my dog-tag read KYLE REESE, causing you to instantly freeze, then run out of the room."

Connor: "...look, this is serious, Private."

Reese: "I'm sorry, did you say Private? or Sergeant."

Connor: "...Sergeant Reese, this is serious business, and time is a factor here. Here, this is a photo of Sarah Connor. You need to commit this to memory so when you get sent through the-"

Reese: "..."

Connor: "Is something wrong?"

Reese: "Do you...Do you have any others? Something with softer lighting maybe? I dunno."

Connor: "Why? What's wrong with that one?"

Reese: "Nothing. I just...you're SURE she's into men."

Connor: *stares* "Look, just commit it to memory. We have enough power for only one time jump; go back to 1984, locate the primary objective, and eliminate the Termi-"

Reese: "Go back and rail your mom. Right, got it."

-Props go to Chase Mitchell, who lent personal assistance on this one. Also, he threatened me!-

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Wednesday, May 28 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 9 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755718 An Unofficial CollegeHumor Movie Review - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Fri, 23 May 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755718/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Never, ever question a man with a whip.

Let's play a game - OK close your eyes, and think of the music that played in the movie Bio-dome. Can you do it? Now close your eyes and think of the music that plays in Indiana Jones. Wanna know why one works and not the other? Because the Indiana Jones films are LEGENDARY, that's why. If you can look me straight in the eye and disagree with that statement without flinching, I'll take you out to Ruth's Chris Steak House. Seriously, I'm not playing around.

Raiders of the Lost Ark was one of my first adventure movies growing up, and to this day is still one of my undisputed favorites. The formula for a badass hero who gets the crap kicked out of him but still ends up on top has been copied time and time again unsuccessfully - and while there may be many pretenders out there, there's still only one Indiana Jones. When news first broke out about a 4th Indy movie, there was a lot of debate about Ford's age, picking up a classic that needs no continuation, and if Jones would be fist fighting Nazi's in a retirement home (admit it, that would still be awesome). And now after months of nervous anticipation, it's finally here.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Friday, May 23 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 80 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754840 An Unofficial CollegeHumor Movie Review - Iron Man Wed, 31 Dec 1969 19:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754840/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

His realsuperpower? No matter where you go in the room, his eyes always follow

Let's face it, Super Hero movies nowadays are either hit or miss.

There are the ones that absolutely dominated; Batman Begins, Spider-Man, and X-Men. Then there are the ones that we'd rather not think about/mention in public; Elektra, Cat Woman, Dare Devil, etc. With all the trailers and press releases for the countless comic book movies on the horizon, it's totally expected to be nervous about which ones will be great and which ones will suck, but rest assured - Iron Man is incredible.

Incredible in that 'you're really drunk and just found an all night diner' kind of way. Incredible in that 'you're at the drive through and you realize you have exact change' kind of way. Out of all the crap floating around in theaters right now, Iron Man is breath of fresh air in a huge way.

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Thursday, May 8 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 33 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754576 Pre-Med Internship at the Videogame Hospital Wed, 07 May 2008 18:00:00 EST http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754576/ts:33 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33"><img src=""></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written Monday, May 5 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:412068/ts:33">Scott Bennett</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:445/ts:33"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 254 likes</p> .</td> </tr> </table> <hr />