(You pick up the phone on a Saturday morning)
Mom says: You sound tired, honey.
Mom means: How much did you drink last night?
You say: Yeah, I'm not too bad.
You mean: What I drank last night would have killed dad.
Mom says: Well did you guys go out alone?
Mom means: You didn't meet up with that slut last night to have sex, did you?
You say: Yeah, it was pretty much a boys night out.
You mean: Yes and it was filthy.
X X X
(Your Dad calls you after class)
Dad says: So how was your week?
Dad means: Did you get a Goddamn job yet?
You say: Oh it was pretty good.
You mean: No and I'm out of money so you better send more before I break your hip and put you in a retirement home, old man.
X X X
(You call your Grandma on a Sunday afternoon)
You say: Hey grandma, how have you been?
You mean: Mom, didn't tell you about the filthy sex I had?
Grandma says: Oh honey it's just so good to hear your voice
Grandma means: I hope you wrapped it up...
I'm the son of a turd farmer, and my grandfather fought for the North in...
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