CollegeHumor: Comments by John http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794249 Issue #19 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794249 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Ever have a sh*tty job that you wanted to complain about in a weekly submission-based column named after Blink-182 lyrics? Send your submissions to worksuxiknow[at]gmail.com!


Over the summer I worked at a daycare and we took a kindergarten class outside. This one little boy (who is a little crazy in the head) came up to me and goes "I gotta go potty!" Even though we asked if anyone needed to go before we went outside, I promptly took him to a bathroom. Upon looking in I saw he had already crapped his pants and was picking it up (bare-handed) to throw in the toilet.
-Anonymous

I worked at KFC while in high school. One day around the holidays, an angry group of people stormed into the store and proceeded to drag an employee out into the lobby and beat him with the Christmas tree. Oh yeah, that employee was a convicted rapist and the mob was the victim's family.
-Alex

When I was about 15, I worked at a family restaurant. One day, a woman came in with her newborn baby. She had a high chair and her detachable car seat, but she still insisted that I hold her baby while she went to the bathroom. The baby decided she didn't like lunch and threw it up all over my work shirt. I wasn't given a new shirt and couldn't go home to change. I had to work the next 6 hours smelling like baby vomit.
-Chris, CSU

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/e/a/collegehumor.3fc86fae9d1470ed6013e7fafc3e1807.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-10 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1648824">Brian Murphy</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 97 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777543 Comic Strips Come to Life Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1777543 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-19 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 424 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1804721 iPhone Stopwatch Countdown Fri, 29 Feb 2008 12:17:52 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1804721 iPhone Stopwatch Countdown nonadult comedy A stopwatch that counts to 1000 hours? How could the iPhone get any better?! iPhone, Computers, Timer, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1804721"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/0/collegehumor.c8f81e255cf84915c00a2f60dbadc963.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 94 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753566 Imagined Conversations: My Brain Dreaming Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:48:15 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753566 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Left-Side-Of-Brain: Hmm, what do you want to dream about tonight, Hank?
Right Brain: Falling off a cliff?
Left Brain: ...You always say that...
Right Brain: How about that cute girl in English? I'd like to anec her dote!
Left Brain: Not tonight, Jason's with his girlfriend.
Right Brain: Fine party-pooper, you start us off...
Left Brain: Alright. Jason, you are playing Guess Who in your living room. All your friends and family are there. You guess your opponent's character in one turn. Everyone goes nuts! Someone hands you a prize. You open it.
Right Brain: It's a big, black dildo! Then you start making out with Lindsay Lohan!
Left Brain: Huh?
Right Brain: Out of nowhere you starting falling from an airplane! Oh crap, your penis just fell off of your body!
Left Brain: God damnit! He has an exam tomorrow. He needs good sleep! Jason, you are not scared. You are not feeling panicked. Although you are falling from the sky, you are completely relaxed. You look to your right and you see a beautiful -
Right Brain: Criss Angel. He's nude and he's putting hot wax on his testicles.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-21 18:48:15 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 459 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1758543 Didn't think the twat could get through it. 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Wed, 09 May 2007 12:03:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. nonadult comedy A new display at the Apple store. windows, blue screen, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/5/collegehumor.5f7c4aab54cc8b6a2c5bb825588393f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:11156">Frank</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 51 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. Wed, 09 May 2007 12:03:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. nonadult comedy A new display at the Apple store. windows, blue screen, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/5/collegehumor.5f7c4aab54cc8b6a2c5bb825588393f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:11156">Frank</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 51 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. Wed, 09 May 2007 12:03:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. nonadult comedy A new display at the Apple store. windows, blue screen, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/5/collegehumor.5f7c4aab54cc8b6a2c5bb825588393f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:11156">Frank</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 51 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. Wed, 09 May 2007 12:03:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. nonadult comedy A new display at the Apple store. windows, blue screen, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/5/collegehumor.5f7c4aab54cc8b6a2c5bb825588393f3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:11156">Frank</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 51 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1757983 A new display at the Apple store. 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