Office Memorandum
To: ALL STAFF
Re: Productivity
It has come to my attention that worker productivity in this office has taken a significant dip in the past few weeks. I know business has been slow due to the troubled economy, but we must continue business as usual.
I don't want to name any names, but some employees are slacking more than normal. Sheldon Fischer in Accounting, for example, has been spotted in the lunchroom several times over the last week talking incessantly about his new haircut. Surely company time can be better spent.
I mean, every other thing out of your mouth is haircut-related! You've been regaling everyone with long-winded and whimsical prostrations about your hair "capturing your mysterious side" or that with the right product in your hair you "kind of look like Prince." We've had enough. There are other more important things to worry about. No one wants to hear how your natural wave is a result of your Italian ancestry. We have business to do.
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