Kevin Slane's Article Archive

1 total in July 2008
  • Problems on the Set of Batman


    Wow, I need to ge production on "Blue Streak 2" started. Like, now.
    Christian Bale: We need to re-do that last scene, I need to be a lot more brooding and self-loathing for this...

    Christopher Nolan:
    Ok, let's take it from the top, in 3...2...1...

    Christian Bale:
    Alfred, bring me the schematics on the Joker's bike, find out where Harvey Dent is having lunch today, and bring me a coffee, black as night..

    Martin Lawrence:
    Did someone say Black Knight?

    Christopher Nolan:
    CUT! Martin, what are you doing here?

    Martin Lawrence: Ohhh, look out folks! We got a white man talkin ova here! Playas and shawties, we gotta white man talking! What you gotta say to me, whitey?

    Christopher Nolan: For the last time, Martin, this is The Dark Knight, not Black Knight.

    Martin Lawrence: Dag yo, it's my agent! He's got my head all messed up! He's all like, "Martin, go do dat movie, mother trucker! Get medieval on their white asses!"

    Christian Bale: That seems unlikely, seeing as Black Knight was filmed in 2001...

    Martin Lawrence: Who asked you? Was anyone talking to you, Patrick Bateman? You're lucky I don't smack you upside the head for overpowering my boy Taye Diggs in that kung-fu movie you guys did.

    Christian Bale: You mean Equilibrium?

    Martin Lawrence: Yeah, that's the joint! Equilibrium? More like "Seperate but not Equilibrium", you racists!

    Christopher Nolan: Look Martin, as much as we'd love to sit and chat, we've got a movie to make, and we're behind schedule as is.

    Martin Lawrence: Aight aight, I can see when I'm not wanted. I'm out like Ellen, yo.

    Christopher Nolan: Ok, let's try it from the top one more time... 3...2..1..

    Martin Lawrence enters dressed entirely in medieval gear.

    Martin Lawrence: I'm not only the duke's official messenger... I'm also the court jester!

    Christian Bale: Great, now he wants to play the Joker...

    Christopher Nolan: Dammit Martin! Ok, someone call security, and we'll just call it a day. Hopefully, we can rebound from this day tomorrow...

    Martin Lawrence: Did someone say Rebound?


    Christopher Nolan: SECURITY!

    Heath Ledger: Thank God we're done for today, I'm exhausted...



  • Kevin Slane University of Wisconsin

    About Me

    I got the gift of gab, and I intend to use it, fella. I'm known around here more for comments which are entirely too long and the occasional humorous article. I'm a journalism (probably soon switching to English) major who channels all of his strengths in the wrong places, like on here, rather than into the paper I have due in 3 hours. I write for The Daily Cardinal, Wisconsin's student newspaper, and blog for a few other random websites of no real consequence. Facebook me, it'll be like we're friends fo' rizzeal!

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