Individually, they're both awesome people who were friends with you pre-relationship. But when their powers combine, they form a crappy Megazord of lameness. Remember the guy who was always down for a game of tackle football? He watches "Grey's Anatomy" every week. Remember the girl you introduced him to? The one you were friends with before he even knew she existed? She hasn't spoken to you in months. Despite whatever friendship you may have had, she's been demoted to "friend's girlfriend" status; which means she sees you as competition for her boyfriend's time. Now whenever you're with him, he's got to leave early to fulfill his daily quota of "sitting around and being boring with his girl." And whenever you're with her- Wait, you're never with her. She decided you aren't friends anymore.

With the election days away, more and more Americans are becoming interested in the political process. This is great news for the 24 hour news networks, and more specifically, the pundits who infest them. The landscape of pundits is reflective of the diversity of America, as it ranges from rich white guys who grew up on the East Coast to rich white guys who currently spend half their summers on the East Coast. Below is a primer to help you get to know them better, including their celebrity resemblance, a fun drinking game to play with your friends, which 90s band they most resemble, and a douche-o-meter, measured in O'Reillys, ranging from 1 to 6.

 

CNN Headline News, Glenn Beck Conservative

Of all the pundits on television, Glenn Beck is the most outspoken despiser of phony, disingenuous, and opportunistic politicians and celebrities who turn their personal problems and the problems of others into self-indulgent money making business opportunities. And if you don't believe me, then watch his television show, or listen to his radio show, or read one of his books, or purchase a ticket to one of his live shows, where he is sure to delve into his personal story as a former alcoholic who got clean, got married, and then re-discovered religion. Beck's call for an end to political correctness carries a lot of weight, especially since he is a member of the group for whom political correctness has affected the most, the white Christian male population.

Celebrity Resemblance: Barney Rubble, but less human.

Drinking game: Chug a beer every time he complains about the Republican party, then endorses every single one of their candidates.

If He Were A 90s Band, He'd Be: Everclear, then Creed.

Douche-o-meter: 6 O'Reillys

INT SCHOOL HALLWAY.  Kyle is at his locker, wearing a varsity lacrosse jacket. His girlfriend, Becky, the hottest girl in school, stands next to him, standoffishly.

Kyle: So, about prom. Do you want to go in the limo with the guys, or do you want me to borrow my mom's Benz?

Becky: Listen, Kyle. We have to talk. I'm gonna go with Connor.

Kyle: Connor? That scrawny guy in your Woodworking class?

Becky: Yup, he's the one. He appreciates my sense of humor and remember that time you said you were going to come see my play and you didn't?

Kyle: I know, I had to pick up my grandmother from-

Becky: Well, he came. And brought me a bouquet of flowers carved out of wood.

Kyle: I thought you hated lame stuff like that.

Becky: I do. But I appreciated the effort.

Kyle: I mean, I can make you some flowers if you want.

Becky: It's too late. I love Connor now, and we're going to stay together when we go off to separate colleges.

Kyle: You LOVE him!? But you just-

Connor: Hey Becky.

Becky: Hey Connor!

Becky kisses Connor in front of Kyle. Kyle turns to leave before they can see him cry. Avril Lavigne's 'Complicated' begins to play.

Principal Wilkinson: Not so fast, Mr. Wiseass. I saw that drawing of me that you xeroxed and threw down the middle of our school's inexplicably spiral staircase.