Woody Likes

Nothing shows how thoughtful you are like a good gag gift. This year, show your friends how well you know them by getting them the perfect present.

• A framed picture of a happy family: For your friend who comes from a broken home. For added effect, crack the glass on the frame.

• Food Stamps: For your friend whose parents couldn’t afford to get him a laptop. You can say something like, “You’re really poor, that’s why I got you food stamps as a gag gift…”

• Bouquet of dusty flowers covered in bees and peanut butter: For your friend with a lot of allergies. Throw this gift at him really hard, in order to upset the bees.

• A gun: For your friend who tried to kill himself by cutting his wrists. The note could read, “Get the job done, no more half-assing it! – Love, Santa”

• For your friend who is at the bottom of the list for a kidney transplant: Your liver.

• Fake Puke: For your bulimic friend. If you’re the only one she told about her problem you’ll probably need to explain it to everyone else.

• All Dogs Go To Heaven: For your friend whose cat just died.