CollegeHumor: User 56979's Articles

Important Business Data

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:00:00 -0400

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-06-26 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 51 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

I Tawt I Taw A Twitter Page

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 11:12:00 -0400

"Making eggs." "So tired, YAWN." "Going 2 Walgreen's 2 pick up a diaphragm." These are just some of the boring tweets you will NOT find on the CollegeHumor Staff Twitter Page. So click that link and follow us! Each staff member contributes personal tweets, and we also keep it updated with links to our favorite videos, articles and pictures. It's just another way to stay close to us without having to dress up as a bush with sunglasses.

Follow us on Twitter!

And while you're at it, don't forget to follow CH's other features around the Internet -- we're also on Facebook, iTunes, YouTube, MySpace, Friendster, Webcrawler, Pets.com and Prodigy.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The CollegeHumor Show: Season Finale This Sunday

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:34:34 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> This Sunday at 9:30/8:30c marks the sixth and final episode of this season of The CollegeHumor Show on MTV. It's called "Armageddon" and it features such spectacles as Sam in war paint and Jake in the buff.

We hope you guys have enjoyed watching the show as much as we enjoyed making it for you (except Patrick - Patrick literally did not stop whining). MTV hasn't decided about Season 2, but you can help make it happen - tune in on Sunday, tell your friends and RSVP on Facebook.

If you're behind, you can watch Episodes 1-5 on the CH Show page.

Thanks again to everyone for your support along the way. Now let's beat The Hills into submission.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 24 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Epic Burn

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:49:30 -0400

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Two days ago, a CH reader named Claudio insulted my dear friend Amir's performance in our Font Conference video, noting that "suicide is an option." Amir usually welcomes such constructive criticism, but this time, he made an interesting discovery about his history with Claudio. The full exchange follows.

We know that not everybody will enjoy everything we do, and we love hearing your feedback (good and bad). That said, let this kind of shameless hypocrisy be a lesson to all would-be purposeless haters: Negativity for negativity's sake is gayyyyyyyyyyy. (Keep reading for responses to the burn.)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 404 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CollegeHumor All-Nighter: We Did It

Fri, 02 May 2008 08:27:11 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> In case you missed it, the CollegeHumor editorial staff just pulled an all-nighter in an act of solidarity with those of you who are studying for finals. We challenged ourselves to stay awake in the office from 9:00 last night to 9:00 this morning, and in that time, to brainstorm and produce ten comedy videos. Not only did we survive, we hit our mark. In doing so, we had a lot of fun, and we hope you did too.

Oh my God we are so tired. Oh my God.

Now, here are the ten videos we created during the night, in the order we created them (when we weren't talking to you on the live video feed, and learning about Jake's epic knowledge of pornography).

Nine O'Clock

Bizarro Office

Dodgeball

Man on the Street(er)

Pee Chain

Handicap Suicide

Collage Humor

He's Right Behind Me

Airhorns

Finally Finished

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 55 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

In A World Where Things Turned Out Differently

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 11:29:02 -0500

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THE YEAR: 2019. Dale is playing Virtual Boy 6 when Chris rolls through the door.

Chris: Hey bro! Sorry about this. There were so many PT Cruisers outside I couldn't find a place to park my Segway.

Chris plops down on the couch and begins channel surfing.

Chris: Yo, toss me a Zima!

Dale: All out, bro. I've got New Coke, Coke II, and Crystal Pepsi.

Chris: Hey, the XFL playoffs are on. The Chicago Enforcers are playing the Orlando Rage.

News Anchor: We interrupt this broadcast of the XFL to bring you a tragic message: President Howard Dean has succumbed to the Asian Bird Flu.

Chris: (changing the channel) I hate how they schedule "Joey" at the same time as "Studio 60." They're both so f*cking good.

Dale: Really? I feel like "Joey" went downhill after the thirteenth season.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-01-31 11:29:02 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 889 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The CHTV Podcast Will Rock Your Face

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 17:58:26 -0500

Up until now, the only video podcast you've been following has been Nickelodeon's "Drake & Josh," and I respect that. But I am proud to announce that there is a better way.

Starting now, you can download all your favorite CHTV original videos on iTunes with our new, free CHTV Podcast (that link will open in iTunes). Here are just some of the things you will be able to do:

-Watch "Brohemian Rhapsody" in class!
-Watch "Street Fighter: The Later Years" on a bicycle!
-Watch "Commenter Business Meeting" on an airplane toilet!
-Watch "Prank War" in space!

Really, though, this podcast takes your favorite comedy videos and places them directly into your pocket. What's not to love? Check it out now!

(Once you've subscribed to the CHTV podcast, check out behind-the-scenes pictures and more at CollegeHumor's Facebook Fan Page.)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-30 17:58:26 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 13 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

I Have an Idea That Will Solve Everything

Wed, 28 Nov 2007 18:03:08 -0500

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> With the presidential elections looming just a horse pregnancy away, the candidates are ignoring the real problems and instead focusing on the same old divisive issues, from gun control to which Back to the Future film is the best (“3, and f*ck all of you.” –Mitt Romney, 9/21/07).

It’s clear that having to consider multiple issues at once causes voter brain freeze (a fact that led Friedrich Nietzsche to famously deem politics “the Slurpee of the masses,” adding “and Blue Raspberry is always broken”). One candidate can’t satisfy everybody, and that’s why I’m proposing that we elect four presidents: The President of Abortions, The President of Guns, The President of Gays, and The President of Everything Else.

The President of Abortions will wield full power over America’s fetuses. When he says “Jump,” they’ll say “But we’re fetuses.” His responsibility will be to either uphold or overturn Roe v. Wade in his first week in office, then spend a 1,453-day “lame duck” period acting righteous about his choice at meetings and dinner parties.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-28 18:03:08 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 123 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

CollegeHumor's New Facebook Page

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 10:04:21 -0500

Sometimes people come up to me and they say "Dan, I F-ing love CollegeHumor. If I had a genie, I'd wish you had an awesome new fan page on Facebook, with the following attributes:"

Bulletins about new events, content and features

A new forum to interact with CH staff and other CH readers

Behind-the-scenes pictures that take you inside the CH offices and CHTV

Interactive and updated regularly

To these people, I can now say: "That's what you'd wish for if you had a genie?" and also "CollegeHumor just launched a fantastic new Facebook Page."

Head over there, become a fan, and tell your friends.
Click here to check it out.(It helps to be signed in to Facebook before you click.)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-13 10:04:21 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Where's The Party At?

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 09:58:10 -0500

Illustrations by Jonita Griffith.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-11-12 09:58:10 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 52 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Trick-or-Treating Guide

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:15:31 -0400

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Where to go, and what to expect when you get there:

A. Shady Ponds Senior Community
- Werther’s
- Raisins
- Pennies
- Grapes that hold the distant promise of one day being raisins
- Obsolete candy from the '50s, i.e. Yessuh™ brand Darkies
- Husband’s ashes

B. Overenthusiastic A-Hole Lane
- Man who hides in bushes, waiting to pounce (rumored Vietnam vet)
- Self-proclaimed defender of the Halloween Spirit who refuses to give candy to kids without costumes, doesn’t count “Pillowcase Face”
- Man who dresses up as something inappropriately horrifying (past costumes include Late Stage Pancreatic Cancer Victim and Neo-Nazi)

C. Desperate To Be A Cool Dad Street
- Unguarded basket filled with King Size Snickers, marked “Take One Only Please”
- Guilt
- Two King Size Snickers bars crudely taped together and marked “Emperor Size” (this is the ultimate house, unless you really like steak)
- Steak. Succulent, freshly-grilled slabs of USDA Grade-A marinated London Broil
- Candy Cigarettes

D. Mom Told Us Not To Go Here Alley
- Real Cigarettes
- Cans of spray paint and keys to his ex-wife’s house
- Just about anything in exchange for a bottle of Jim Beam – living room chairs, light fixtures, credit cards. Note: Make sure you bring a bottle of Jim Beam
- Unguarded basket filled with unsheathed razorblades, marked “Take As Many As You Want”
- An actual axe murderer. Dangerous, but he gives out King Size Zagnuts (your call)

E. The Dentist
- Unprecedented amounts of candy
- His business card

F. The Guy Who Pretends Not To Be Home
- An unspoken agreement that his house will be toilet papered

G. The Inventor of Runts
- Apology

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-10-23 14:15:31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 117 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Re-Enacting Garfield With My Cat

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 11:41:33 -0400

Check out the previous episode here.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-10-09 11:41:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 174 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Your Textbooks Rewritten as Erotic Novels II

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:18:31 -0400

EARTH SCIENCE: The melting ice trickled down the mountain’s spine, at once cool and warm, the sensation causing the mountain to gasp sublimated water vapor. The sun beat down on the trees, and the trees reveled in the sweet intersection of pain and pleasure, beginning to sweat. “Evapotranspiration,” whispered the sun, soft yet in control. The trees’ sweat droplets condensed, clinging to each other in a hazy airborne dance of lust. The clouds grew in the sky, trembling slightly, the tension unbearable – then, with a roar, they precipitated. Mother Nature got up to clean herself off, ready to start again.

MARXISM: Their love sounded so good on paper, but now Marx and Engels were faced with the reality of bare flesh pressed against bare flesh, their proletarian members waiting to be emancipated from the shackles of their capitalist trousers. Their role-playing grew vicious – “Exploit me! Alienate me!” screamed Engels as he rejected feudalist and capitalist ideals, surrendering himself to Marx’s bourgeois tyranny. At last, their love wasn’t just theoretical – they stared into each others’ eyes as the workers of their world united. Almost immediately afterward, they collapsed.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-13 16:18:31 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 54 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Coldplay's Chris Martin: Extraterrestrial

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 17:04:37 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Can you name the songs these Coldplay lyrics are from?

(A) You and me are drifting into outer space

(B) We're part of the human race and
All of the stars and the outer space

(C) Look at earth from outer space
Everyone must find a place

(D) The future's for discovering
The space in which we're traveling

(E) Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light

(F) Hundreds of years in the future
It could be computers
Looking for life on earth

(G) You can climb a ladder up to the sun

(H) Come on, oh my star is fading

(I) Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you

(J) Can anybody fly this thing?

(K) I am a f*cking alien
Why don’t you people understand?
I am an alien from the Nebulus subsector of the
Andromeda Galaxy
I’m spelling it out for you as clearly as I can

(L) Smorgax weeblezod!
Veeble quoznar florgenblox!

Answers:

(A) X&Y (B) White Shadows (C) Politik
(D) Square One (E) Speed of Sound
(F) Twisted Logic (G) Talk (H) Amsterdam
(I) Yellow (J) High Speed
(K) Seriously Guys I Came Here Under Orders From Supreme Commander Gorgax Flerm To Drink The Bone Marrow of All Humans
(L) Zarquon Quorblezar (“I Tried To Warn You”)

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-09-10 17:04:37 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 22 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Universal Freshman Class Syllabus

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 17:30:16 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 534 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Brookstone Product Brainstorm Notes

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 14:38:33 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-08-21 14:38:33 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Clarissa Explains It All: Detroit

Mon, 13 Aug 2007 10:47:22 -0400

<table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
Clarissa: Ugh, two tests tomorrow and I haven’t done any of my chores. What am I gonna do?

A ladder is set against her window.

Clarissa: Hey, Sam. (*Guitar riff!*)
Thief: Where’s your money?
Clarissa: Who are you?
Thief: I’m a guy who saw an open window and a ladder, and has three sons to feed.
Clarissa: I only get twelve dollars allowance!

*Knocks*

Clarissa: Ugh, buzz off, Ferg Face!
Ferguson: (entering) Give me back the computer game you borro-

*Gunshot*

Keep Reading

]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-08-13 10:47:22 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 61 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Instant Messaging With Mom

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:27:57 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-31 12:27:57 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 865 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

Closure: The Magical Summer Fling Goodbye

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 12:15:54 -0400

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“Mandy, these two months at camp felt like a fantasy – our instant bond, the passion we felt for each other… your warm skin against mine for the first time, here on this dock by the lake. To be here with you, the sun setting in an orange glow, staring into your hazel eyes… We’ll know that while we can’t be together, we shared a beautiful spark and affected each other’s lives forever. Now we’ll return to our separate lives, the bittersweet taste of finality on our once-entwined tongues. Goodbye, Mandy… Goodbye.”

“Mandy, is that you? That’s so weird, to see you on the street like this. Oh, you have an internship around here. Yeah, I was just heading over to that Wendy’s. I honestly didn’t think we’d – you know, so many nights I’ve gazed at the sky, wondering if we were looking at the same star. And now, after this bittersweet chance encounter, we’ll return to our separate lives forever – thanking fate for letting us taste each other’s presence one last time. Goodbye, Mandy… Goodbye. Oh, you’re going to Wendy’s? No, I’ll go somewhere else. I want to remember us in this moment, here on the street in the rain… just like this… forever.”

“Could you press “4th floor,” please? Wait… Mandy? Whoa. You’re staying at this hotel too? Yeah, I’m here with… Mom, Dad, this is the girl I told you about.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-24 12:15:54 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />

The Denny's Menu Is Getting Out of Hand

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 12:07:41 -0400

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979"><img src="http://4.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/3/collegehumor.6ab7686d87358ff55bab1a935bae57f6.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-17 12:07:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:56979">Dan Gurewitch</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 269 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />