CollegeHumor: Comments by Katie Marino http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794355 Classic Titles Made Sarcastic With Quotation Marks Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794355 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-12 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 336 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794355 Classic Titles Made Sarcastic With Quotation Marks Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1794355 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/2/b/collegehumor.bf47a312f8c3b3d327c1333b4268bdca.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-11-12 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:101226">Patrick Cassels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:857"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 336 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924076 Brock Samson and Molotov Cocktease Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:21:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924076 Brock Samson and Molotov Cocktease nonadult comedy My girlfriend got so into character that she refused to have sex with me. halloween2009, venture brothers, brock samson, molotov cocktease, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1924076"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/5/collegehumor.756375fabf59de6e1cf7b565622308a1.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 41 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1923182 Batman Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:36:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1923182 Batman nonadult comedy He converted in '92 Honda Civic into a fully functional Batmobile too. halloween2009, batman, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1923182"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/f/9/collegehumor.0bca4a6f2752efad02f64059843fcb60.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:991889">jim</a> </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 10 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793505 The Morning After Nip/Tuck: Enigma Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1793505 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Normal 0 0 1 1525 8696 Connected Ventures 72 17 10679 11.773

Teddy Rose tries to wake Sean up, but he's unresponsive. Shecalls Christian into the room and he's like, "OMG did the Carver get himagain?" and she's like, "No, I think he took some evil sleeping pills that Igave him," and Christian's like, "It's always something with you crazy kids.Hold his head back while I pump his stomach with this stomach pump that I justghetto-rigged." And she's like, "Well I guess he's alive now. Hrm."

Teddy Rose learns from Christian that Sean is basicallypenniless, and she reveals that she proposed to him, which is probably whatmade him go off the deep end and try to Colleen Rose himself with sleepingpills. Teddy Rose offers to machine gun him to death with her leg, next time.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:58710"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/8/6/collegehumor.1a4c653896f8eb8b25e3ffa6b5663735.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-26 11:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:58710">Katie Marino</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:92"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792632 How Zombies Learned to Run Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792632 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS...

Victim: AAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!

Zombie #1: BRAAAAIIINS!

Zombie #2: Mark.

Zombie #1: Shhh, I'm trying to stay focused here. BRRAAAAIINNNS!!

Zombie #2: Mark that guy is getting away from us, like, really easily.

Zombie #1: Dude I know. Who would've thought a middle-aged used car salesman could suddenly turn into frickin' Usain Bolt? Usain Bolt when he was alive, I mean. Zombie Usain Bolt is slower than me somehow.

Zombie #2: But that guy's just... he's just walking briskly.

Zombie #1: I know! It's like, where's the fire, asshole? I mean, there's fires all over the place, but you know what I mean. *Sigh* C'est la vie. We'll get the next one.

Zombie #2: Mark, I've been thinking.

Zombie #1: How? Your head's barely on.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-28 15:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 105 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792574 Parents Just Don't Understand: 10/7 Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792574 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

Do your parents not understand technology? Do they ask you stupid questions? Do they send you absurd text messages? Do they use words like "MyFace,""SpaceBook,"or "The World Wide Web?"

If you've got an example of your Parents Just Don't Understanding, submit it here!
And thank God we'll never be as dumb as they are!

Your parents' Google Doc.
My father has a huge record collection and has mastered an intricate system of burning vinyl onto CD. However he still needs to call me for detailed instructions on how to import and copy a CD using iTunes.
Maggie Allexsaht

My sister's school is paying a man $500 to give a one hour session on what twitter is so that "the parents can understand what their kids are doing with their time."
David Thomase

My mom texted me about getting a case for my Macbook, and she typed it as MAC. She thinks it's an acronym.
Rob Baumann, U of Maryland

My mom signs her tweets.
Melanie Hanson, School of the Art Institute of Chicago

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/4/collegehumor.8879997c887ae4b37f766c44f2de531f.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-07 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:945989">Susanna Wolff</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:53"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 102 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792362 Sexual Favor Fail Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792362 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293"><img src="http://8.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/d/collegehumor.2500d10d3b58683f1224355d5ee015c3.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-02 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:293">Sarah Schneider</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1120"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1380 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792333 A College Odyssey Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1792333 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-10-07 17:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 57 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790873 Teddy Roosevelt Shops at the Abercrombie & Fitch of Today Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790873 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>


"[Company founder David T. Abercrombie's] love for the outdoors was his inspiration for founding Abercrombie & Co., dedicated to producing high-end gear for hunters, fishermen, campers, and explorers...Abercrombie outfitted Teddy Roosevelt's trips to the Amazon as well as Robert Peary's famous trip to the North Pole." (McBride, Dwight A., Why I Hate Abercrombie & Fitch: Essays On Race and Sexuality, p. 62-64)


The setting: a present-day Abercrombie & Fitch store. Teddy Roosevelt enters.

Salesguy: What's up.

Teddy Roosevelt: TURN DOWN THE VOLUME.

Salesguy: Huh?

Teddy Roosevelt: ON YOUR VICTROLA. I HAVE TO SHOUT JUST TO HEAR MY OWN VOICE.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:127902"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/0/c/collegehumor.5d9fd1d0587e03f3109216ec2d05ec20.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-09-11 12:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:127902">Alex Schmidt</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1210"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 74 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790769 The Morning After Mad Men: My Old Kentucky Home Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790769 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

"Pete, you have about as much chance of me ever liking you as you do of taking my breath away with a spectacular dance routine. Why are you smiling?"

I wasn't going to do these again, because, frankly, you guys are a little too clingy, and I'm just not in the point of my life right now where I'm looking for that kind of commitment. But last night's Mad Men deserves a recap, so it's getting a recap.

First of all, hasn't this season kicked ass so far? Like, curvaceous, Joan-sized, I'd-hit-it-but-I'm-also-kind-of-curious-how-it-fits-through-standard-doorframes kind of ass? As much as I worship this show, Matt Weiner usually moves it along at a more deliberate, glacial pace, but Season 3 is pushing forward at a much faster clip, and I love it.

We begin in the Sterling Cooper offices, where creative is auditioning actresses to advertise Pepsi's new diet drink, which is called "Patio."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-31 14:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790769 The Morning After Mad Men: My Old Kentucky Home Mon, 31 Aug 2009 14:30:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1790769 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

"Pete, you have about as much chance of me ever liking you as you do of taking my breath away with a spectacular dance routine. Why are you smiling?"

I wasn't going to do these again, because, frankly, you guys are a little too clingy, and I'm just not in the point of my life right now where I'm looking for that kind of commitment. But last night's Mad Men deserves a recap, so it's getting a recap.

First of all, hasn't this season kicked ass so far? Like, curvaceous, Joan-sized, I'd-hit-it-but-I'm-also-kind-of-curious-how-it-fits-through-standard-doorframes kind of ass? As much as I worship this show, Matt Weiner usually moves it along at a more deliberate, glacial pace, but Season 3 is pushing forward at a much faster clip, and I love it.

We begin in the Sterling Cooper offices, where creative is auditioning actresses to advertise Pepsi's new diet drink, which is called "Patio."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-31 14:30:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 12 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789622 Fatawesome: The Confession Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789622 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126"><img src="http://5.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/9/f/collegehumor.368a9ee9d08f62ea65b757bfd5f83680.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-20 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1687126">Fatawesome</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 128 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789244 10 Books That Are Harder To Read Than 'Twilight' Tue, 18 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789244 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The Twilight books have turned a generation of adult women away from People magazine and on to books, word books!  The only problem is, this phenomenon comes with a sense of smugness among readers who consider themselves intellectuals because they often finish a book within a weekend or even a day. 

However, did you know that Twilight has a grade equivalent score of 4.4?  What this means is that the vocabulary and sentence structure of this book are best suited for people who read at a 4th grade level, mainly 4th graders.  I did some research and the following books scored the same rating or higher for grade equivalency and therefore are just as difficult to read and comprehend as Twilight:

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:335076"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/a/b/collegehumor.a24e7e1a7080cb40c505518b280c4935.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-18 13:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:335076">Nick Griffith</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:156"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 59 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789861 World of Warcraft Invades Second Life Fri, 14 Aug 2009 16:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789861 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873"><img src="http://6.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/4/7/collegehumor.34fb0a748e9767bd8891bea7cfb6f87d.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-14 16:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1171873">Jason Michaels</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:1146"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 252 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:13:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" nonadult comedy Three young girls celebrate their differences, by attacking the beliefs of the different one. wtf, stupid, racism, religion, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/c/collegehumor.b799d02be08c016058840dbc87f94c42.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 291 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:13:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" nonadult comedy Three young girls celebrate their differences, by attacking the beliefs of the different one. wtf, stupid, racism, religion, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/c/collegehumor.b799d02be08c016058840dbc87f94c42.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 291 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" Thu, 13 Aug 2009 16:13:30 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937 "One Regular, One Indian" nonadult comedy Three young girls celebrate their differences, by attacking the beliefs of the different one. wtf, stupid, racism, religion, <table><tr><td> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918937"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/b/c/collegehumor.b799d02be08c016058840dbc87f94c42.png"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> <p>Uploaded </p> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 291 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789167 Food Network: College Week Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789167 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495"><img src="http://7.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/d/7/collegehumor.1a8d4bdd12eb35c73182c827b94ab675.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-18 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:328495">Chase Mitchell</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:7"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 169 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 I just got bit by The Love Blog... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 14:00:00 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1789541 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> ...and it's driving me mad! Your girl may be getting a heaping dose of crazy from the women's advice blogosphere, but The Love Blog will mock dumb advice and bad examples to the bitter end. This week's topic:

Communication Tech

Relationship advice sites go nuts for social technology, whether it's the new iPhone app that rates your sexual performance or a social medium. A site or device is periodically evaluated and translated into easy-to-read ins and outs, dos and don'ts, and other polarities that lend well to Top Ten lists.

The two chumps with the same name who got married because of Facebook are the big story lately. The girl made the first move, which is always a turn-on, but she did it by searching her own name and messaging the first guy that came up. Which is a lot like playing spin the bottle at a family reunion.

Nobody's appalled quite yet at Skype dating, a laughably paradoxical type of blind- or speed-dating. But people are starting to talk about the pitfalls of the EPersona: at worst, your Skype date could be furiously masturbating just out of view; at the least, e-mails can make you sound too smart because you have time to consult a thesaurus.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530"><img src="http://9.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/5/b/collegehumor.5d056bc5a546eb98eddf43db65a79785.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-08-11 14:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:1159530">Jesse E</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:141"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />