Thanksgiving is coming up, and you know what that means: it's time to break up.Whether you're a freshman who foolishly tried to keep a high school relationship going or you're a senior whose girlfriend suddenly decided she wanted to date someone "mature" and "employed," there's a pretty good chance you're getting dumped this holiday season. Just so you're not caught off guard, here are the emotional stages that you will undoubtably experience.

Immediately, you'll find yourself unable to understand why the relationship can't be salvaged. Well, for one you probably shouldn't have been "finishing up" Xbox Live for 3 hours when she came over those last few times. Whatever you do, don't set your facebook relationship status to "It's complicated". Everyone knows what that means.
Mope, mope, mope! To get the best out of your denial you'll need to torture yourself with as much solitary confinement as possible. How else can you accurately and repeatedly replay the happiest moments of your life when you had a girlfriend?

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Eventually all those feelings you still have for your ex will gave way to pure irrational hatred. Phew! You'll be feeling resentful towards her for ever being selfish enough to dump you. I mean, what kind of bitch does that two weeks before your birthday? Bet she hadn't even thought to get you a present.
In this step, it's all about revenge. You know when her class schedule is, sneak into her room and smash stuff. Leave threatening notes. If she has any pets, killing them is a good idea. If possible, maim them instead to such an extent where she'll then have to kill them out of kindness. Double Whammy!

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Just because you're big, doesn't mean you have to stay that way.  Just follow these three easy steps and you'll be trim as a Freshman in no time!

Sometimes the employees of a company are so consistent in the way they perform a certain task, it seems that's how they must have been trained.  Here, without naming names, are these companies' employee manuals...probably.

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Things look a little different when you're drunk...

Tired of your old Photoshop filters? Adobe just released five new ones to make your life even better (or at least seem that way).

Roll over each image to see the new filters in action.

Let's face it, you're a busy human being. Between sleeping in and putting it off, you've barely had time to come up with a good Halloween costume this year. Thank God we're here to help. Here are a few quick and easy Halloween costumes that are sure to make people go "oh, that's kind of funny I guess..."!


What you need

• Sheet
  
• Scissors
• Legs
  
• Heels
  

Tips for "selling it"

• Make sure to yell "boo" at least once during orgasm
  

What you need

• Too-tight T-shirt with stupid pattern on it
• Too-tight jeans
• Hair gel
• Imported beer
• Cigarette
• Scarf

Tips for "selling it"

• Scoff at most things people say
• Dance with your hands only, no hips
• Be generally obnoxious and dismissive of American customs

What you need

• Filthy dress shirt
  
• Loose necktie
  
• Bottle of whiskey
  
• Red blush for gin blossoms on nose and cheeks (or just rub your face raw all night, you'll probably be too drunk to feel it)
  

Tips for "selling it"

• Hit on younger girls
  
• Request Billy Ocean songs all night
  
• Pretend your excessive drinking is "just part of the costume"

*Special thanks to Sara P. for submitting these*

As the authors of such seminal columns as "Cars Crashing Through Walls in Sitcoms" and "The Ten Grossest Hollywood Thumbs-Into-Eyes," we end up at Wikipedia a lot. Sometimes you want to research one thing, perhaps a rogue intergalactic smuggler, but for some reason Wikipedia sends you to an article about something with the same name that's significantly less important. Here are five egregious examples we've come across in our travels.


SHOULD BE: Star Wars character and space scoundrel Han Solo
IS: Species of trilobite Han solo

Type the name of the universe's most famous Nerf Herder and you won't be whisked to a galaxy far, far away, but to Chinese rock formations where the slug-like trilobite Han solo can be found in fossil form. It's surprising that George Lucas, who's spent the last 20 years systematically tailoring every last insignificant detail of his Trilogy with CGI, hasn't logged a complaint on the Wikipedia discussion forums. Perhaps he's relying on fans to correct the error - a mistake, since all the truly passionate Star Wars fans go straight to Wookiepedia.

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SHOULD BE: Oregon Trail the computer game
IS: Oregon Trail the trail

There was a time when entertainment meant picking something from three networks, four radio stations, or, God forbid, reading a book. Everyone enjoyed everything, because there was so little to enjoy. However, once we discovered the Internet, we divided ourselves into sub-sub-genres and take pride in enjoying things other people haven't discovered yet. We no longer share anything -- most people don't enjoy either America's most popular song or our #1 TV show, much less both (Jay Sean's "Down"and Mark Harmon's "NCIS," respectively). What's the one thing we all still have in common? The educational computer game Oregon Trail. It's been around since 1974, which is earlier than most people believe computers were invented. Not everyone in the 1800s decided to adventure West, but everyone born since 1980 has at some point sat down to play this game. That's why, somehow, Oregon Trail the computer game is more important than the historical events on which it is based.

These creepy screencaps were sent to me by Leslie. Send in your own and we'll pay you $150 if we use it.  See the end of the article for details.  In the meantime, enjoy the world's worst Facebook flirter.