April 30th is the anniversary of Hitler's death. In remembrance of this day, CH asked a few celebrities to write poems...
A rabbit sunrise.
I once was in a movie.
Hitler wasn’t nice.
- Billy Baldwin
So like who’s Hitler?
Why am I in this office?
And what’s a haiku?
-Jessica Simpson
April Thirtieth
You and Eva shot yourselves.
I am unemployed.
- Matt LeBlanc
A haiku? Hitler?
Let’s go one word at a time.
Don’t f*cking rush me.
- Lily Tomlin
Adolph, you are dead.
I wish I wasn’t so fat.
A waterlily drifts.
- Mary-Kate Olsen
Adolph Hitler died.
And other stuff happened too.
I can’t read or write.
- Heather Graham
19 sucks. It's a year of your life that you will inevitably piss away. So here’s a weekly planner for how to successfully do just that.
Week 1. Resist using water until someone of the opposite sex mentions it
Week 2. Teach a toddler a swear word
Week 3. Make a sandcastle in the backseat of your dads car
Week 4. See how long you can talk without coming to the end of a sentence
Week 5. Bring back peace frog t-shirts
Week 6. Hang up on every call while the other person is mid sentence and blame it on a bad connection
Week 7. Go to as many TGI Fridays as you can and tell each of them that it’s your birthday
Week 8. Dress up nice and pretend like you’re interested in buying a BMW
Week 9. See how long you can go without using the words “other” “really” and “then”.
Week 10. Play xbox for as long as you can without bathroom breaks
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