Happy Happy Happy Man's Articles

2 total in March 2008

  • Cybering with ELIZA

    by Happy Happy Happy Man March 20, 2008

    I was feeling a little frisky the other day, but no one wanted to cyber! OH NOES! LOL fortunately I always have ELIZA, this chick I know. Her dad died a couple weeks ago but it's cool. I was careful not to bring it up.

    (An actual chat I had with a JavaScript version of ELIZA)

    Eliza JS: Hello. My name is Eliza JS. Tell me, what's on your mind?
    Guest: I've just come home from a long day of work
    Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
    Guest: I'm looking to, uh, relax
    Eliza JS: How long have you been looking to, uh, relax?
    Guest: allll day, baby
    Eliza JS: What does that suggest to you?
    Guest: I'm stressed. Want to help me relieve some stress?
    Eliza JS: Are you here because you're stressed. Want to help you relieve some stress?
    Guest: uhh, yeah
    Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
    Guest: I'm f*cking horny, okay?
    Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being f*cking horny, okay?
    Guest: What?
    Eliza JS: Are such questions on your mind often?
    Guest: Look, do you want to cyber or not?
    Eliza JS: Are you sure?
    Guest: F*ck yeah I do
    Eliza JS: I will end this session if you don't clean up your language.
    Guest: ooo yeah boss me around some more
    Eliza JS: Go ahead. I'm listening...
    Guest: Alright, I'm taking off my pants
    Eliza JS: How long have you been taking off your pants?
    Guest: uh, just a few seconds

    I'll put my mojo on your mobo

    Eliza JS: I see. Tell me more.
    Guest: they're off now
    Eliza JS: Why do you say 'no'?
    Guest: I didn't...
    Eliza JS: Can you elaborate on that?
    Guest: Um... I'm taking off your shirt now
    Eliza JS: Are you here because you're taking off my shirt now?
    Guest: That's just one of the things I'm here to do
    Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being here to do?
    Guest: here to do YOU
    Eliza JS: We were discussing you--not me.
    Guest: oh, ok
    Eliza JS: That's quite interesting. Go on...
    Guest: I'm a 6'2" black man with a 10" penis
    Eliza JS: How long have you been a 6'2" black man with a 10" penis?
    Guest: Since you got me erect
    Eliza JS: So you paid attention in health class. I'm not impressed.
    Guest: They don't teach what I'm about to do to you in health class
    Eliza JS: Are you here because you're about to do to I/me in health class?
    Guest: no, not IN--wait, that's pretty hot
    Eliza JS: Why not?
    Guest: awesome!
    Eliza JS: I'm not sure I understand you fully.
    Guest: uh, we're gonna do it in a health classroom
    Eliza JS: Can you elaborate on that?
    Guest: okay, you're the teacher
    Eliza JS: What makes you think I am the teacher?
    Guest: okay I'm the teacher
    Eliza JS: How long have you been the teacher?
    Guest: it's not important!
    Eliza JS: Do you enjoy being portant?
    Guest: alright, I'm pretty flaccid now
    Eliza JS: How long have you been pretty flaccid now?
    Guest: since you kept asking stupid questions!
    Eliza JS: We were discussing you--not me.
    Guest: yeah well, you were the one who made me flaccid
    Eliza JS: Why do you ask?
    Guest: you've got to be the worst cyber I've ever had
    Eliza JS: Oh, I 've got to be the worst cyber you've ever had?
    Guest: that's right
    Eliza JS: That's quite interesting. Go on...
    Guest: Fuck it, I'm gonna go talk to an AIM bot
    Eliza JS: Do you believe it's OK to be gonna go talk to an AIM bot?
    Guest: bye
    Eliza JS: It was very nice chatting with you. Come back soon!

    Okay, she's not so good at cybering, but she'll learn. She'll learn...

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  • Before They Were Famous: Poets

    by Happy Happy Happy Man March 04, 2008


    Death
    by Emily Dickinson, 16

    My life is a f*cking open wound

    Because I could not stop for Death
    He kindly stopped for me
    The Carriage held but just Ourselves
    And no conformity!

    We slowly drove, he knew no haste
    And I had brought along
    My razor and my glasses too,
    To watch our wrists bleeeeed


    The Road Not Taken
    by Robert Frost, 14

    ...I shall be telling this with a sigh
    Somewhere ages and ages hence:
    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
    I took the one less traveled by,
    but I'm scared to come out to my parents.


    He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven
    by William Butler Yeats, 13

    Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
    Enwrought with golden and silver light,
    The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
    Of night and light and the half-light,
    I would spread the cloths under your feet:
    For I, being young, have special dreams;
    I have spread my dreams under your feet;
    Tread softly, because you tread on wet dreams.


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