CollegeHumor: User 655556's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763315 The 7 Most Common Facebook Profile Pictures Sun, 12 Oct 2008 21:01:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1763315 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Note: I used only profile pictures that I have used that fit these descriptions, cause I've had a lot of profile pictures. Shut up, ya'll don't know me.


The "party-er" picture

Someone puts this picture up when they want to let everyone know that they are the party animal. These people are down for anything! They also tend to pass out the fastest every night cause they had, like, nothing to eat all day, bro.
Usual suspects: frat boys

The "gangster" picture

"This person is a badass" is what they want you to think. A "don't f*ck with me" face, a posture that says, "I don't care about you", and, to complete the package, some gang symbol is thrown up with one or both hands. The desired reaction is not obtained because the least intimidating people usually do it.
Usual suspect: white sorority chicks

The "majestic/epic" picture

This person wants you to think that their life is a lot more interesting than it seems. They get a lucky shot and instantly it looks like whatever they were doing before should've been filmed for a Michael Bay movie.
Usual suspects: people who probably don't get out enough

The "artsy" picture

These people want you to think that they are deep and thoughtful. These people end up looking like pompous know-it-alls that will tell you till they're blue in the face about why we have to save the White-bellied Spider Monkey before it's too late.
Usual suspects: art majors, mac users, emo people

The "I'm fun!" picture

Most likely, this person has a good sense of humor, and generally is nice person to be around. They are also known as the "clown" of the group, so you know there will be wacky high jinks when he/she comes to a party! Or maybe that's what this person wants you to think.
Usual suspects: cool people, possible loners

The "group" picture
Don't ask

Nothing says, "I have friends and a social life!" quite like getting a bunch of your friends together and taking a picture of it. It could be anywhere- at a party, at a football game; there really is no limit. The only downside is that you'll probably stop talking to them in about 6 months.
Usual suspects: people you're no longer friends with

The "my facebook just got hacked into" picture

This person is- hey, what the hell? I really need to remember to log off next time...



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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761935 Helicopter Thu, 11 Sep 2008 18:48:34 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1761935 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760286 The Top 5 Weirdest Candies Thu, 07 Aug 2008 01:19:59 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1760286 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It's pretty much a scientific fact that everyone loves candy. And if you don't, you should probably go find your soul somewhere in your toilet. And whenever you walk by a candy store, you always get that urge to go in and buy everything. Also a scientific fact. The companies who make candy know that they have you by the balls and that you will buy whatever they make, so they sometimes just say "f*ck it" when a weird candy idea goes by them. Here are 5 of the weirdest I've seen.

Jawbreakers

These bad boys have been around for many, many years. But really, what are they good for? The only thing I've seen them good for are sore jaws and strange desires about your friends. And blowjob jokes. Lots of them. Also, the name itself doesn't sound like a candy at all. It sounds like a threat. "Eat this candy, kids, and it'll break your jaw. Go ahead. I dare you." And when those three magical words are uttered, gay jokes hurled at their kid is the least of the parents' worries.


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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-08-07 01:19:59 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 19 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759462 An Internal Coversation- Canine Edition Wed, 23 Jul 2008 00:50:45 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759462 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Brain: Rise and shine boys! It's 4pm and we need to get up from our 5th nap of the day. It's time for our walk!

Legs: Yes! I've had so much energy all day.

Ears: Can we nap some more? I'm still pretty tired...

Brain: Sorry ears, but the master got the leash out. You know the protocol; it's time to go nuts.

Eyes: I confirm the leash. It's definitely out.

Ears: Ok, but another nap when we get back.

Brain: You got it.

Crotch: Guys, I'm sorry about this, but I really need to be licked now.

Brain: C'mon, crotch. Not now, we're just about to get a walk!

Crotch: I'm sorry, but I really need to be licked. Seriously.

Tongue: Permission to lick crotch, sir?

Brain: Yeah, go ahead, but be quick.

Tongue: Incoming!

Brain: I told you not to say that anymore... Alright, time to go crazy.

Nose: Hold on, I smell something. And it smells gooooooood.

Ears: I hear a bag opening. Sounds just like a bag of chips. Eyes, confirm for me please.

Eyes: I confirm the bag. It says "Doritos Cooler Ranch".

Brain: Those are the same ones that we got into when the masters left last week.

Jaw: Should we commence begging sir? Or bark like mad for the leash?

Brain: Hmm... tough choice boys. What do we usually do in these situations?

Legs: Hump someone's leg?

Brain: Exactly.

Crotch: Yes!

---------------------

Mary: Honey, the dog is doing it again.

Bob: Lick his crotch then hump your leg once he saw the leash?

Mary: Yeah.

Bob: God, dogs are so weird.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759257 A Meeting of the Food Network Chefs Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:27:56 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759257 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Bobby Flay: Welcome everybody! I'm glad you could all make it to tonights meeting.
Paula Deen: Well thank ya hon! I'm so glad that I could make it.
Gina Neely: Thanks baby!
Pat Neely: Yeah, thanks-
Gina Neely: Shut up
Rachael Ray: T-Y!
Giada De Laurentiis: Just look at my clevage. Please?
Bobby Flay: So we need to decide the future of Food Network. Lets hear some ideas for future shows.
Mario Batali: I think we should deversify our shows so we can attract a larger audience, and in turn bring in more money.
Alton Brown: Um, I guess that would work if you were STUPID! We definitely need more shows that are more informative on the historyof what we cook. And a completely different show style too. Like, morelike an actual show. I used to be a director? Please? ... Nevermind.
Tyler Florence: I think the way we are going now is fine. Especially if it has more of my recipes in it.
Rachael Ray: We defeinitely need to make more mentioning of E-V-O-O and S and P.
Paula Deen: We definitely need more butter in our shows.
Bobby Flay: And I think we need to have more shows with me in them! It appears that we are all in dissagreement here.
Giada De Laurentiis: I think the amount of clevage I show is just fine.
Bobby Flay: I agree with that. So what should we do with our other shows?
Emiril Lagasse: BAM!!!
Bobby Flay: Hey hey hey, you don't have a show here anymore. You have to leave, Emiril.
Emiril Lagasse: Bam... (Leaves)
Bobby Flay: Can he say anything else? Alright, where were we?
Alton Brown: I think we were at the point... where we ask Marc Summers for his infinte wisdome.
Everyone: (Gasps)
Rachael Ray: He's H-O-T.
Bobby Flay: Let me summon him. (kneels to the statue of Marc Summers) Oh brave and beautiful Marc Summers, please gace us with your presence.
Marc Summers: (Appears out of nowhere) AH! ... oh, I thought I told you to call me if you wanted to talk to me. Why do you gotta do this summoning thing?
Bobby Flay: ...Cause it's cool. So what is your opinion on where Food Network should head?
Marc Summers: Um...I've always been under the impression that we need to use more slime,but I guess what were doing is fine... do people really expect us tochange?
(Everyone stares at him)
Bobby Flay: Totally.
Paula Deen: We Definitely need more butter.
Giada De Laurentiis: We should probably put in more clevage. Watch my show?
Rachael Ray: Dude, W-T-F? G-T-F-O.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759054 Driving Troubles Tue, 15 Jul 2008 01:16:11 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1759054 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Passenger: I'm so pumped for this party. It's gonna be bomb.
Driver: I know bro! We're gonna get so drunk. Blackout for sure.
Passenger: And all those chicas will be there too!
Driver: Dude, this party is gonna be so legit. Hey, so I turn left up here?
Passenger: Right.
Driver: Oh, ok (turns right)
Passenger: Dude, what are you doing? You're other left.
Driver: Oh, my bad. I thought you meant, "turn right". No biggie. (turns around)
Passenger: Idiot.
Driver: Whatever. Alright, where do I go from here?
Passenger: You want to turn right at this light coming up, so you'll want to get in the right lane.
Driver: The light right here?! (Swerves into the right lane, almost hitting another car) Dude, you need to give me more warning next time.
Passenger: Sorry man, I wasn't thinking.
Driver: It's ok, we're even now. So where to from here? It's this right coming up, yes?
Passenger: (mumbles) I think... left...
Driver: Left, it is. (turns left)
Passenger: I think I left my frat hat in my room! I can't go to parties without it! Wait, why are you turning left?
Driver: Dear god, not again (turns around)
Passenger: Alright, despite some setbacks I think we're here. Let me call my buddy cause I don't see any other cars here... (calls buddy) Hey, what's your house number again? Weird, I don't see anywhere near that number. You're on Colt Ct. right? No? You live on Happy Valley Road? ... Can you give me a second? (hangs up, turns to driver) um, we're nowhere near where we need to be. Lets retrace our steps.
Driver: Ok, we left town, got on highway 24 east-
Passenger: Oh... we were supposed to go on 24 west.
Driver: F*ck.

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758469 Offensive Rap Names Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:29:23 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758469 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
  • Lu-gay Fiasco
  • Yu-Bang Man
  • Sir Dix-a-lot
  • Gay-Z
  • Lil Wang
  • Tu-cock Shakur
  • Jizzy Elliot
  • Andre Dick-itina
  • Mistah Fag and the Yellow Pole Riders
  • Mac Gay
  • Notorious HIV positive
  • P Titty
  • 50 Cunt
  • Dr. Gay
  • R. Kelly
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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 6 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758154 Time To Get A Job Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:08:13 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758154 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Joe: Hey babe! Guess what! I finally got a job interview!

    Joe's GF: Aw, I'm so proud of you! After a year of hard work, you finally got one!

    Joe: I would like to thank you for supporting me through my year of unemployment. Now, I'm gonna be able to support myself!

    Joe's GF: Finally...

    Joe: What was that?

    Joe's GF:Nothing... What do you think got them?

    Joe: I think the fact that I live on "God's green ass mother f*cking earth".

    Joe's GF: That's a winner ever time.

    Joe: Alright, I got to go to my interview now. Watch me nail this like a screwdriver.

    (Later, in the waiting room)

    Joe: Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for the job interview.

    Receptionist:     Oh... Joe? Can you hold on a second? (Yells to the office) Hey! The guy with the horrible application is here! He actually thought he had a chance! (everyone in the office laughs at him)

    Joe: Wait... What's going on here?

    Boss: Haha, he lives on "God's green ass mother f*cking earth". What a weirdo.

    Receptionist: All we wanted to do was to see if you were serious or not, or if you were even real.

    Joe: Dammit. Not again...
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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756638 "The Moment Of Truth": The First Edition Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:41:21 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756638 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> If you haven't heard of this show, the premise is that people get asked seriously personal questions in exchange for some nice coin, hosted by Mark "not marky mark" Walberg. To make sure it's all truthful, they are strapped to a lie detector, and if they lie, they lose all their money. This is the first edition of the show that never got aired.

    Mark Walberg: So Joe, you have your mother, your sister, your best friend-

    Steve: Word up, Joey!

    MW:     Shut up. And your girlfriend is here as well

    Misty: I love you baby!

    MW: You shut up too. This is my show. Ok, on to the first question.

    Joe: I'm ready, bring it on.

    MW: First question: did you lie about doing your household chores when growing up?

    Joe: ... um ... yeah

    (the crowd erupts as a loud voice says "True")

    Joe: Who didn't? I know leslie did it all the time

    Leslie: Shut up you jerkwad!

    Joe's Mom: I'm so dissappointed in you.

    Joe: ... ok then. Next question please?

    MW: Alright, next question: at the last party your fraternity had, did you suspect you best friend of stealing your alcohol?

    Steve: C'mon Joey, you know me. I would never do that without asking you man.

    Joe: um .. yeah, but I seriously don't mind-

    Steve: How could you do this to me. I thought we we're friends man.

    (the crowd erupts as the loud voice says "true")

    Joe: Dude, I really don't care. What's my casa is your casa as well or something.

    Misty: Baby, I never knew you were like this. I'm so shocked you can be this cold.

    Joe: What?!

    MW: Last question Joe. This one makes the other questions look like childsplay. Do you want to continue?

    Joe: The last two were childsplay, so yeah.

    MW: Here it is: do you often confuse your girlfriend with that one character fron the Pokemon cartoon series?

    Joe: Woah ... wasn't expecting this one ...

    Leslie: Dude, I haven't thought about that show since I stopped watching it in middle school.

    Misty: Who are we taling about now? A character from a cartoon? That's ... embarassing, honey.

    Joe: ... um ... yes

    Steve: Dude. So nerdy.

    (the crowd erupts as the loud voice says "true")

    Misty: I'm breaking up with you.

    Joe: Please don't baby. I'm so sorry.

    Joe's Mom: I'm so dissappointed in you.
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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755269 The Diary Of A Self-Proclaimed "Fartmeister" Wed, 14 May 2008 20:36:48 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755269 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>







    Special thanks to Lisa and Oxnard for their help

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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754336 Things I Imagine: Two Chairs Talking Thu, 01 May 2008 21:20:23 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754336 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
    I'm so f*cking badass

    Chair #1: Dude, check me out. I got this sweet back rest installed today. So sick.
    Chair #2: Whatever dude, you look the same to me. You only had to get it fixed cause fat people always sat on you.
    #1: That's cause I'm more comfortable looking than you, duh. Everychair in here knows that.
    #2: Well, everychair in here also knows that you have a crush on the teachers chair.
    #1: At least I like other chairs, that's normal. I heard that you hooked up with the janitors mop before, you sick f*ck.
    #2: Dude, you know that's a lie. How could that even happen ... ?
    #1: You're totally fantasizing about it, aren't you?
    #2: Shut up. Changing topics. What do you think of this chick sitting on me, huh? Total hottie, or what?
    #1: Totes. If she leans a little over ... BOOYAH!!! PANTY SHOT RIGHT HERE!!!
    #2: Hell yeah- uh-oh, she's getting up now. I think class is over.
    #1: Meh, whatever, it wasn't that good of a shot anyways.
    #2: What do you want to do now? Go down to the bars and get plastered?
    #1: Sounds like the BEST PLAN EVER! Lets go.
    (Both chairs try to move but fail)
    #1: ...
    (Both try again, and fail again)
    #2: Oh yeah, that's right. We're chairs, we can't move.
    #1: Sh*t. Next class is here. Fatty incoming.
    #2: (Breaks)

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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754151 Why I Got Fired From My Job At CliffsNotes Tue, 29 Apr 2008 21:28:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1754151 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>






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    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753356 LOLShakespeare Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:26:41 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1753356 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

    Keep Reading
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-04-17 22:26:41 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 170 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752987 Similarities Between Used Cars and Prostitutes Sun, 13 Apr 2008 00:05:21 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752987 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

    -many different people have been inside them

    -there is at least one sleazy guy involved in the transaction

    -four words: junk in the trunk

    -in a pinch, you can pawn both off for drugs

    -both may have herpes

    -both started life with so many hopes and dreams, man ... like, they were going to go places. big places. they were going to make something of their lives. but it all changed that one day ... one bad decision, one wrong turn, and its no looking back. no chance for forgiveness now ... none at all ...


    ...*tear* ...


    -both smell really bad


    special thanks to tha mizzle for help with this article

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752823 Paddles Thu, 10 Apr 2008 05:38:26 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752823 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 5 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752104 Your Roommate, Translated Sun, 30 Mar 2008 03:45:38 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1752104 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

    Hey, I'm having a party tonight. Wanna come?

    Hey, I'm having a lame party tonight. Wanna come?


    Hey, do you mind if you spend the night at your gee eff's place tonight? I'm having this chick over for dinner and maybe a little bit of sex for dessert. Nice! *high fives*

    Hey, I need you to leave so I can masturbate into your socks. Nice! *high fives*


    So I met this chick last night ...

    So I threw up on this chick last night ...


    I'm going to the library to study. I'll be back late tonight.

    I'm going to the library cause I can't stand being in the same room as you cause you smell like earwax.


    Did you know that Steve watches "Grey's Anatomy"? How gay is that?

    Did you know that Steve watches "Grey's Anatomy"? Wanna watch it with us?


    Can I use your computer? I had to get mine fixed and I need to check my email.

    Can I use your computer? I had to get mine fixed because you were out of socks.

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 4 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749315 Unknown Moments in History: Lincoln's Hangover Wed, 06 Feb 2008 06:41:34 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1749315 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> It's a sunny July weekend in 1862. We find our historical figure slowly getting out of bed ...

    Abraham Lincoln: (Groggy) Oh, man ... what the FUCK happened last night? Where did this cut come from? Shit. (looks around) Who the HELL is this tubbo? Oh god, Mary is gonna kill me ... oh wait, it is Mary. Thank god I didn't wake her ...

    (his aides walk in)

    Aide #1: Sir! Sir! Your new piece of legislation is a success! People are already claiming it to be one of the best things EVER!

    AL: Yeah ... I'm not gonna lie, I have abso-freakin-lutely no idea what you're talking about. I have no idea what happened last night after ... umm ... when that one hot intern started doing body shots.

    Aide #2: Wow, that was relatively early in the night, sir ...

    AL: Yeah, I know, I had nothing to eat the entire day, and I was frustrated ... I guess I pre-gamed a little too much. Whatever. What's the deal with this bill?

    Aide #1: Well, it's called the Emancipation Proclamation-

    AL: What the hell does that even mean? That name doesn't even make sense.

    Aide #2: Well, sir, we really don't know. You even admitted last night that you don't know what it means.

    AL: That helps. What does it say?

    Aide #1: It has a lot of words and phrases, but essentially you freed the slaves.

    AL: Wait, what? I freed the slaves? Oh, shit ... All of them?

    Aide #2: Well, sir, only the slaves of the confederacy.

    AL: Hmm ... Well then. Does that actually do anything?

    Aide #1: At the moment, sir, no. But if we win the war, then they lose their slaves.

    AL: Hmm ... I can see how a drunk me could think that was a good idea. People actually like this?

    Aide #2: Well, people like it more for the symbolism that it portrays, rather then what it actually does.

    AL: Wait, so how did I get this into congress? Aren't they on vacation now?

    Aide #1: You called them all in. I still have no clue how you did that. Then you made them stay up all night and read it. Turns out they liked it.

    AL: Weird ... so what about our slaves?

    Aide #2: Still here, sir.

    AL: Sweetness. Toby, get in here!

    Toby: Yes, sir? By the way, I love that new piece of legislation you made up last night!

    AL: Shut up. Get me breakfast ... and a cigar. I feel like a stogie in my hour of glory.

    Toby: Right away, sir!

    AL: God, I loves me some interns. Speaking of interns, where's that hottie? I'll show her my cigar anytime ...



    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747976 Dogs Can Be Clever, Too Fri, 11 Jan 2008 02:10:18 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747976 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a
    beautiful, enticing, female Poodle. The three male dogs fall all over
    themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up
    arriving in front of her at the same time.

    The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and
    hoping for just a glance from her in return.

    Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she
    decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words
    'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence
    can go out with me."

    The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver
    and cheese."

    "Oh, how childish," said the Poodle "That shows no imagination or
    intelligence whatsoever."

    She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you
    do?"

    "Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

    "My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb
    as the Lab's sentence."

    She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you,
    little guy?"

    The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is
    the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

    He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the
    Lab and says....


    "Liver alone... Cheese mine."

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1747976">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744131 Two Guys Argue Important Issues Using Guitar Hero Notes To Express Themselves Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:03:58 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1744131 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Guy #1: Bro, I've been thinking about global warming a lot recently.

    Guy #2: God, global warming makes me green-yellow-orange power chord.

    #1: I don't know, It makes me more individual green then red notes.

    #2: Why's that? Doesn't it make you hammer-on green to orange and back?

    #1: Well, I've already mastered the sweeps. I guess it doesn't bother me as much.

    #2: That's fair. What about the health care situation?

    #1: Bro, that makes me green-yellow-blue power chord to red-yellow-orange power chord, back to green-yellow-blue.

    #2: I don't know, bro. That makes me multiple red-blue chords in a row.

    #1: How can that be? It's as frustrating as the Dragonforce intro.

    #2: Well, I believe that the government has practiced it enough to beat it, and they get the star power.

    #1: But will they turn on the star power without missing a note?

    #2: Well, they're not going to get all of the sweeps after the intro section. They'll release the power once they get back to 4x multiplier.

    #1: Okay ... what about same-sex marriage?

    #2: That's just gay.

    #1: Single green note.

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 1 like </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />     http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743647 Republicans and Democrats, Summed Up In a Sentence Each Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:19:19 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743647 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Republicans:
    "I believe that the ideals I believe in are the way for America, God bless her .... what's that? Proof that I'm wrong? .... I never believed in that."

    Democrats:
    "LISTEN TO ME!!!! I might be completely wrong about this, and/or taking way too far, but I figured that if I yell it and/or make a ridiculous showing of it, people will believe it's right! LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!"

    View Article
    ]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556"><img src="http://0.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/3/e/collegehumor.c18397c3fa4422be4a77754edfb049ab.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:655556">Daniel Eric Lopez</a> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/school:217"></a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 0 likes so far. <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1743647">Be the first!</a> </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />