Scrooge McDuck: Good evening, gentlemen. I'm sure you are all aware of the reason I called this emergency meeting. As of this morning, I am no longer the richest duck in the world. You're all here to help me brainstorm some ideas to help me gain back my wealth, and much deserved status.

Gadwall Quackinson: Mr. McDuck, how exactly did this come to be? I'm looking at the reports right now and there seems to have been no change in the value of the company. How did this happen?

Scrooge: Well, as many of you may know, I have my fair share of enemies trying to knock me off the top. My main nemesis, Flintheart Glomgold has been steadily gaining on me for quite a while. This morning he finally managed to inch ahead and now I'm only the second richest duck in the world.

Gadwall: What kind of investments is he involved in?

Scrooge: I can't speak to that, but I do know how he managed to knock me out of the top spot...he snuck into my vault and stole a single gold coin.

Canvasback Breadeater: You mean to tell me...he broke in to your vault, which holds your entire fortune, and only took a single coin.

Scrooge: That hooded merganser! He knew that was all the needed to overtake my wealth, so he did it to taunt me. I could ring his neck!

Gadwall: Well, sir, if he is only ahead of you by a single coin, this problem should be easily fixed with some simple investments. How do you feel about real estate?

Scrooge: Explain.

Gadwall: Well...we take some of your money and buy property. Then we use the property to turn a profit.

Scrooge: But won't I fall further behind when I spend the money to buy the property? How does that even make sense!? Your plan takes me in the opposite direction! Who knows how far I will tumble down the "richest ducks" list by the time your silly plan is through.

Professor: K guys, can anyone in here tell me how Tyrannosaurus Rex found its food?

Student: Most of today's scientists agree that T-Rex was a scavenger. Kind of like a prehistoric vulture or someth--

Tim Murphy: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Professor: *Sigh* Something to say, Tim?

Tim: Just that I beg to f**king differ, is all.

Professor: Of course you do. What is it this time?

Tim: You couldn't BE more wrong. Those things are vicious, man. They'll stop at nothing to get to their prey, even if they have to, like, tear apart an entire SUV and toss it into a ravine and make me throw up all over myself.

Oddjob
Ok, you like to kneel down with the shortest character in the game and then shoot people in the legs with an RCP90. Congratulations on 100 kills and 0 deaths, which is coincidentally also your Eminem posters to friends ratio.

Natalya
Being a guy playing a girl video game character has never been funny. Please stop talking about how you wish Super Smash Bros. had Dixie Kong.

Alec Trevelyan
Backstabber! You have no moral compass. Everyone hates you because you hide in that secret closet in the Complex level. That's not the point of the game, man.

Jaws
Stop yelling "Mama sita!" every time you kill Natalya.

Valentin
Clearly another humorous character selection. Being the fat guy isn't so funny when I can kill you at sniper range with a throwing knife, is it?

James Bond
This is probably your first time playing. Enjoy trying to karate chop people to death!