CollegeHumor: User 707280's Articles http://www.collegehumor.com http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771496 5 Unannounced Windows 7 Features Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:00:00 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1771496 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Windows Backup


Safe Mode

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2009-03-05 18:00:00 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 228 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1770423 Marmadub Sat, 07 Feb 2009 16:14:08 -0500 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1770423 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 2 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757723 Made for TV Porn Sat, 21 Jun 2008 19:02:14 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1757723 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-21 19:02:14 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 151 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756372 Vegetarian Mon, 02 Jun 2008 19:54:06 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1756372 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2008-06-02 19:54:06 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 108 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755983 Things I've Learned On Xbox Live Tue, 27 May 2008 19:56:27 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1755983 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Some people may argue that playing videogames is a waste of time, and that I should try to do something productive instead like read or go outside. Well, thanks to the internet, I can interact with other shut-ins from the comfort of my home. And just look at a few of the life lessons I've learned while playing on Xbox Live.

Winning isn't everything
For instance, whenever I win a match, it's only because my opponents were "lagging like a motherf*cker."

Everybody loses sometimes
Don't feel bad, It's probably just a result of you "sucking goat balls."

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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 172 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1737326 Henry the Not So Hungry Hippo Mon, 30 Jul 2007 09:19:46 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1737326 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Henry Hippo: So guys, what to do now?

Happy Hippo: EAT!

Henry Hippo: We did that already. A few minutes ago.

Homer Hippo: EAT!

Harry Hippo: EAT!

Henry: We literally just walked out of Chili's. We're standing in the parking lot. Can we please do something else?

Happy: ...eat?

Homer: Eat?

Harry: EAT!

Henry: I'm not hungry. Let's go to the park or something.

Happy: EAT!

Harry: EAT! EAT!

Henry: Okay, now you're yelling at me... Maybe a movie?

Happy: Mov... movieat?

Harry: EAT!

Henry: Just forget it. Screw you guys.

Henry storms off

Happy: Wow, I think we really made him mad this time.

Homer: Oh, he'll get over it. Right, Harry?

Harry: EAT!
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-30 09:19:46 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 15 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736050 Boxers vs. Briefs Thu, 12 Jul 2007 16:26:03 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1736050 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Interior: High School Boy's Locker Room

Steve: Hey, Drew, why is it that you always wait until everybody else leaves before you change?

Drew: It's just, y'know, I don't want other dudes looking at my bare legs and stuff.

Steve: What's the big deal? You're not gay are you?

Drew: No way. Are you kidding? Don't even joke. About that, I mean. Don't joke about that specifically.

Steve: Wait a minute...

Drew (nervously): What...?

Steve: You wear tightie whities!

Drew: No, that's ridiculous. No, no, just, no.

Steve yanks down Drew's pants, revealing a tight pair of briefs as white as the driven snow

Steve (laughing): Everybody! Drew wears tighty whities!

Principal (walking in): Young man, you are a loser. (exits)

Drew: Shut up! Stop, look, this is a big misunderstanding. These are boxers. Just kind of bunched up a little, is all.

Steve: No they're not.

Drew: Well, I mean, boxer-briefs really. Like, a little bit brief, but pretty much 70% boxer.

Steve: Why are they white?

Drew: My stupid mom... she accidentally bleached them.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-12 16:26:03 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 28 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735525 5 Cool Ways to Prove That You Are Cool Thu, 05 Jul 2007 14:26:22 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735525 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Am I cool?" If so, you are definitely not cool. Because everyone who is cool knows that doubting ones own coolness makes one uncool. But if you want to be cool, I can give you a few pointers.

1. Smoke

This one is pretty obvious. Smoking is extremely cool. And, the sooner you start smoking, the cooler you are. I personally have been smoking since age 7.

2. Get in Fights

If you get in a lot of fights, people will know not to mess with you. And people who are cool never get messed with.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-07-05 14:26:22 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 29 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734886 A Concerned Letter From Google to Timmy Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:06:48 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1734886 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
I understand that you're growing up very fast. The changes that you're going through are normal. But recently, some of your searches have me a little worried.

First of all, what do you want to know about Grand Theft Auto IV? That's a mature rated game! What's wrong with "Disney and Pixar Present: Ratatouille: The Movie: The Video Game?" It's family fun for all ages. GTA is full of murder, prostitution, and... never mind. Just never mind. I shouldn't even be talking about these things.

Your most recent search is highly upsetting as well. "Average penis size?" I know that you're going through some changes right now, I really do. But everybody grows at a different rate. There's no need to rush it! People should like you for you. And I for one like you just the way you are.

I noticed that you took off my safe-search feature. Safe-search is a very important feature. Timmy, what were you thinking? It ensures that when you search for hot chicks, you get the warm, newborn fowl that you're looking for.

What is this? Girl on girl? Girl on girl what? I don't think you really mean that. How about some SpongeBob clips? You still like SpongeBob, right?

*sigh* It's spelled vagina.

Your Friend,
Google
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-26 14:06:48 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 35 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733659 The Real World vs. Harry Potter World Tue, 12 Jun 2007 15:54:09 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733659 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2>
The Real
World
 Harry Potter World
Doing the
Dishes		 Dishwasher, or
by hand		 Magic
Homework Math, English, and Science Magic
Favorite Pastimes Sports, TV, and the internet Magic
Brooms Used for
cleaning		 Magic
Photo
Albums		 Boring Magic
Transportation Cars, Trains, and Airplanes Magic
Chocolate
Frogs		 Disgusting Magic
David Blaine Magician Muggle
Loser
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 75 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr /> http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733515 What Were They Thinking? Mon, 11 Jun 2007 14:42:43 -0400 http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1733515 <table border=0 width="360px"> <tr> <td colspan=2> Hey there handsome. Somebody sure woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. What's that ladies? Oh, don't worry, there is plenty of Mark to go around. I know how you can't resist a luscious and full head of hair. How do I look today? in a word: incredibly dashing. Mothers, lock up your daughters, because Mark is on the prowl.



It's true what they say, grey really is slimming. You can hardly even notice the 10 pounds I gained last Thanksgiving. Or the 20 from Christmas. Or even the 12 from Flag Day. This is outfit is just so nice. I love the way it brings out my eyes. Ooh, I can't wait to see Joel at work today... yesterday he said that I looked great. Sure, I saw him in the break room afterwards pointing at me and laughing with the other guys, but I know he just makes fun of me because he cares.



YES. I can't believe that I finally found a hair dye to match my sunglasses. BadASS. When a day starts out like this, you knows it's gonna be good. My soul patch is really coming in too. SICK. I hope that nobody gets upset about having to sit behind me at the movies. That kid from last time was so LAME. Complaining that he couldn't see the whole time. I wanted to see TMNT just as much as he did. Punk.



Jeez. Mom just doesn't get what's cool these days. This 'do is cutting edge. It makes me look so sophisticated... but you can also tell that I'm up for a good time. The rest of the chess club is going to flip. I hope I still have time to hang out with those guys, considering all the new friends I'm sure to be making. And I don't think that I could have found a more perfect sweater to wear either. Nana sure is one mean knitter.
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]]> </td> </tr> <tr> <td colspan=2> <hr> </td> </tr> <tr><td valign="top" width="35px"> <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280"><img src="http://3.media.collegehumor.com/collegehumor/ch6/c/8/collegehumor.ed346f9c4414f0e58c928b28373cbb34.jpg"></a> </td> <td valign="top"> Written 2007-06-11 14:42:43 by <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/user:707280">Jeremy Gundel</a> <p> <img src="http://www.collegehumor.com/artwork/icon_likeIt_noLink.gif" align="texttop" /> 3 likes </p> </td> </tr> </table> <hr />